Burning Man has created a culture for artists to share their art, for people to push the boundaries on what they thought was possible and live in a utopia-like world during their stay in Black Rock City. With principles such as: Radical Inclusion and Radical Self Expression, Participation and Gifting, to name a few. At the core of the 10 principles is a beautiful blueprint for operating in the world of Burning Man. They are ideals for us to take back into our daily lives and bring more richness to our interactions.

But true to any large culture developing, especially one with such a bright compass as this, the shadow cast is dark and gritty. As I have witnessed and heard Burners place themselves on the highest pedestal, above all other ‘normies’ or non-burner folks, I feel the desire to shed light in a place that feels dark.

I want to say up front, that I am speaking to only a part of the burning man community and not all of it.

It is hard not to see the glorification of drug use here, while hearing the preaching of burner gospel used as a way to justify abuse of substances. The elitism from burners echoes a particular brand of elitism I feel from the LDS Church: ‘Our way is the best and only way to live in this world. Anyone not a part of our special club is immediately seen as less. Less cool. Less intelligent. Less important. If you do not adhere to our way of living, you do not get to sit with us.’

There is a cost of belonging to this particular group of people and if you do not agree to the terms, you will be excluded from the group. The cost or terms:

• Sexual exploitation of each other’s bodies: If you don’t want anyone else sleeping with your partner or have boundaries around people touching your own body sexually, you will be seen as some kind of prude. Being monogamous is frowned upon and straight up not respected. Since these are spaces of ‘Radical Self-Expression’, that includes being radically sexually open.

I am very much on board with people expressing themselves sexually and having whatever relationship style works for them. To each their own.

That’s not the problem. The problem is the pushing of boundaries and shaming of others who don’t align with that relationship structure. Then pushing them out because they don’t want to sleep with multiple people or open their relationship for others to enjoy their partner. This feels really controlling and is downright shocking behavior.

I experienced such a lack of consent in these spaces, it was concerning. For a community that clings to the ideals of polyamorous relating, the fact that consent is not acknowledged or paramount, says something very loud about what is happening here. I spoke directly to a man that had crossed a sexual boundary with me and was given the cold shoulder after. The disrespect happening here turns my stomach. You either agree to be sexualized or you are not welcome in the group.

• Substance ABUSE. The way this has been NORMALIZED in the burner community is incredibly alarming. I am not speaking to a minimal amount of recreational drug use, a few times a year perhaps. What I have seen in this (cult)ure, is the glorified use of substances. Which I see written off as ‘radical self expression’.

I am fully on board with people exploring the realms of psychedelic territory. But what I have witnessed is an inability to reign it in or acknowledge when it has become a problem.

90% of the burner parties I have attended, substances are a part of the menu. In fact, the evening menu is made around the drug time table. (There is a party every weekend, as a reference point.)

“Okay, so we should all have dinner early, so that we can take our acid at this time. When is everyone going to drop? Let’s get on the same schedule.”

There is nothing inherently wrong with exploring substances. But where this has become dangerous and unconscious is the ABUSE of those substances. Drugs are being consumed multiple times a month and this is being regarded as NORMAL. It’s normalized to take acid every other weekend, or ketamine or cocaine or GHB.

Addiction is being written off as an exploration of self.

Which makes it incredibly difficult to talk about. Because the reality is, some of the people in these spaces do have a healthy relationship with substances and are using them in a way that is non-destructive. Then, there are others who are using substances as a coping mechanism for unresolved trauma, who do not have a healthy relationship with themselves. I have found that these tend to be the people that are fueling the party and pushing others to partake in even more substances. Because if everyone is doing it, then nobody has to address the real reasons they are getting high every single weekend.

Here’s the really tricky part: from the outside, you can’t tell which is which. Who is really okay inside and having a good time or who is having a destructive relationship internally and is using this as a means to escape. This kind of environment is causing real damage.

Addiction only perpetuates emotional and mental health issues. Which brings me to the next ticket you have to buy into be included in this group:

• Escapism. If we all agree to do it, then nothing is wrong with us. This is normal. We just like to have a good time. We like to indulge in some substances sometimes. We are party people and this is just how we live.

Let me tell you some of the things that have been normalized among this particular group of humans. Starting with snippets of real conversations I have heard:

• “I know I should be able to stop drinking at parties, but I can’t. So I’m going to start taking small amounts of GHB instead. That way I can still hang with everyone.”
• “Everyone in our community uses this amount of substances. There’s nothing wrong with how much I want to take. You just aren’t a burner. You don’t understand us.”
• When asking someone why they do back to back whip-its at a party: “I don’t want to talk about that stuff. We are at a party. I’m here to have a good time, not talk about my family stuff.”
• “We have more fun than other normal people. Drugs are a part of that.”
• When attending a birthday party, not knowing what I was walking into, and seeing a room of strangers preparing to eat their drugs together. I told a man next to me that I was uncomfortable because I didn’t know anyone here and didn’t want to participate, he replied: “But this is how we get to know each other.”
• “I just did 6 whip-its in a row! I feel amazing!” as she crawled, on hands and knees, out of the nitrous room.

They give space to an entire room as a ‘Nitrus Dome’ at parties. A room for people to check out so hard, they can’t operate at all. The floor is littered with nitrous cans and bodies that don’t want to feel. It’s like watching the living dead. This is written off as ‘just the way Burners are’.

With people ranging in every age, from their 20’s to their 50’s. What I found surprising, is that the majority of these folks are over 35. This is behavior I would expect from kids exploring their early 20’s, not adults with fully grown children.

What it looks like from the outside, is a group of traumatized adults that have found a ‘socially acceptable’ way to check out, disassociate and not work on their own shit – together. There is a word for this: trauma bonding.

Trauma bonds find strength together due to their past trauma and attachment dysfunction being perpetuated in the current relationship. A trauma bond develops when one person makes another believe they need their care and validation to feel whole. Which then leaves a person feeling dependent on the dysfunctional relationship for those feelings. Because they cannot, for whatever reason, validate themselves in the way they need.

A person can become so addicted to this validation and sense of belonging that they are willing to look past the destructive actions of the other that truly prevent healthy, loving and emotionally present connections from ever having a chance. A trauma-bonded relationship is set up in a way that the person will see the dysfunctional actions as love and not abuse. Add in the use of heavy substances and you have a recipe for a successfully dysfunctional and emotionally damaging (cult)ure to thrive.

As an outsider who found myself on the inside of what feels like a party for people that aren’t interested in taking accountability for their lives, I was uncomfortable and intrigued by what was happening here. This was psychologically fascinating and at the same time, emotionally devastating.

The cost of belonging to this group was high:

You must use substances in the way they do,

you must be okay with living in escapism,

you must get acceptance from the party leaders or else get ignored (aka: social suicide),

you must be sexually open to whoever is interested in you,

you must care about belonging more than you care about your own values,

you no longer get to have personal values because they must align with the groups values,

you must not speak out about what you are seeing here. Or else be shamed for it. Shame is a great tool to control those around you.

Does this sound familiar? Perhaps close to the way the church operates? It does not seem like a coincidence that this particular burner group is located in Salt Lake City. Where the shadow of the church looms over our state. The 10 Burning Man Principles. The 10 Commandments.

I have never encountered a more elitist and judgemental group of people as this gritty underbelly of burners. For a culture that promotes ‘radical inclusion’, it makes sense that the shadow of that would be ‘elitism’. And if you do not adhere to the values of this crew, you get kicked out. AKA: Ex-Communicated.

‘We are only your community if you operate exactly like us.’

The real damage I am seeing come from this structure is monumental.

Glorified addiction parading as self expression.

Trauma bonding masquerading as community.

Disassociating in place of real therapy.

Sexual abuse pretending to be liberation.

This dark side of burner culture is something no one wants to talk about. Because they are the ones holding the parties, sending out the invites and making the art. There is real fear of being dismembered from the community at large.

This is not a diss on the community as a whole. Because I have seen real magic come out of the Burning Man community and the artists who are putting experiences together to be enjoyed. I see the artists, musicians and builders as the ones who are holding the entire integrity of the space together. Perhaps that is part of what this conversation is about for me. Integrity and the lack of it I am seeing within the Burning Man community.

There is no light that does not cast a shadow. The brighter the light, the longer the shadow behind it. What I am speaking to here is the shadow that some folks are living in and slapping the name ‘Burner’ across it.

No one is better than anyone else. Period. That feels like some dogmatic church-tinted lens that has leaked through in the unhealthiest of ways.

I anticipate backlash for speaking out about this. I anticipate anger and getting ‘excommunicated’ for saying these things. But I will not agree to staying silent about the real forms of abuse and emotional corruption I am seeing here.

My intention in sharing all of this is to open a conversation I feel desperately needs to be opened. About party culture, about taking accountability for our own healing and about what is actually happening behind the scenes of those that are being idolized.