Three out of Ten Men Wash their Hands after…handling their Bits & Tackle.

Just one degree removed from shaking his genitalia.

Odds are, that gent who just shook your hand didn’t wash his hands after handling himself in the bathroom.

Every time I leave a movie and go to the bathroom, I wash my hands before leaving like the well-trained momma’s boy that I am.

And, every time, I’m horrified—something like 8 out of 10 gents walk straight out without washing their hands, many of them around, say, 40 or 50 or 60 years old.

And every time I think to myself: that’s 50 years of this gent unzipping himself, doing his thing, then going around turning doorknobs and…shaking hands with everyone.

And, every time, for a day or so after, I take to giving every guy the rock or fistbump.

Turns out my informal guesstimate ain’t far off: major studies show that 2/3 men don’t wash their hands after, you know, handling their bits and tackle.

Bad solution: use Purell.

Solution: Put up lots of wash your hands signs with photos of germs and big warnings mentioning swine flu, getting sick, etc. Watch as said signs have little effect.

Better solution: stop shaking hands, stick to the fistbumb, bow, or move right into hugging and smooching (tres Francais).

Best solution: Stop touching anything that anyone might have touched. Stay home, develop OCD.

Wash your hands the right way, people!