We used to be close, better than best of friends.

Two souls riding together on the roaring rollercoaster of life.

Sharing drinks, good times, bad times and laughter

Constantly spilling secrets while planning wild adventures.

Our lives intertwined intensely, and for a flash of a second

I thought we would always be “we.”

Our relationship was never subtle.

No.

Subtlety wasn’t our thing.

We liked high-stakes gambling and reckless danger better.

Yes—

Risky red flames raged and raged, ‘til they burned us both down.

Through those fiery trials, I was transformed.

Completely transformed.

Now,

Your face is unrecognizable to me and so is your soul.

And

My face is unrecognizable to you and so is my soul.

But even now,

I still hold onto the threadlike hope that we’ll be close again someday.

I still miss you, my heart reaches out for you without meaning to.

But—

I have to let you go.

Because together, we’re far too toxic.

You seep into my bloodstream and suddenly I can’t breathe.

And, I’ve long-since sworn off poison.

I have to let you go.

Because my muscles are weary from holding on so tight for so long.

I so desperately need to unclasp my hands

And my heart.

I have to let you go.

Because the painfulness of being with you closed down a space in my heart

And extinguished a light in my soul.

There’s a grand re-opening for both any day now,

And I’m ready to un-board the doors and cut the tattered caution tape.

I have to let you go.

Because with a shimmering tear in my eyes and shivers running down my back,

I know I can’t live stupefied with grief anymore.

I know I can’t live paralyzed with fear anymore.

I have to let you go.

Because I hate pretending, and I know deep, deep down that

We must go off on our separate ways,

At least for right now.

I have to let you go.

Yes.

With a heavy and sobbing heart, I extinguish this throbbing candle,

And as the fire turns to a cloud of smoke, I exhale and I release you.

Yes, I release you.

And —

I release me.

I have to let you go,

Because then we can both be free.
~
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Author: Sarah Harvey

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Dean Croshere/Flickr