Am I the Mirror or the Reflection? A Poem on losing yourself to others in the name of love.

Relationships are like parenting.  How we show up for them, how we act as a partner, what expectations we have vary wildly for every person.  There is no magic formula, and you can do everything to love someone only to be rejected, or wrong in your assumptions of what it took to make them happy.  Its a universal theme to want to crack this code and find true love.  After two failed marriages, I was forced to face my relationship identity.  I realized I didn’t have one.   Once I actually let myself like someone, I would fold in to them.  Absorb their likes, their food, their music their views.  My dreams and desires would fade in to the background as I swam in the see of infatuation and newness that a new person can bring.

It wasn’t until this poem surfaced in me, I could see and feel that what I was doing was the opposite of love.  I was putting too much on someone else to define me.  I was lying to them and myself by not staying authentic, I always in the end felt drained and lost and baffled by why I was not getting the love back I so desperately craved.  So now I am no longer just the mirror, I am in the reflection and my life and my relationships have taken a completely different turn.  I no longer need to own others desires, though I can appreciate them as I express my own.  I no longer need to attach myself to an other’s identity, I have my own and can be myself without apology. This may mean being alone, but that’s ok because  I am now in love with myself.   No longer lost and I can be a peace and free.

REFLECTIONS

I’ve never met someone I haven’t lied to

As I poured myself in to their cup.

I flavored myself sweet and tasteful

As I felt them drink me up.

Which version of me do you need today?

Which dream can I fulfill?

Which me reflects your favorite you?

Which pain can I manage to kill?

Are you different?

Am I different?

Can I change what I’ve been about?

Or are you just another part of the story

I’ll have to edit out?

I hate that I love how this feels for me

I hate that I’m so self aware.

You’re an addiction, affliction, and a clear contradiction

Act as if you were some kind of dare.

Maybe this is my statement,

And maybe this is my time.

Maybe I don’t want to be yours,

Unless of course, you want to be mine

Maybe the me that reflects you

Is really the you that reflects me.

Maybe I’m wrong, it turns out all along

And this time will be different.

I’ll have peace, I’ll have love, I’ll be free.

Amie Rafter

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