Before You Rush Into Falling Into Subpar Love

At our very core, us humans yearn to be loved. Unfortunately, the desire to be loved is so strong that quite often we rush into falling in love with the wrong person – just so that we can check off the “currently in a relationship” status.

As a romantic at heart, I’m unwilling to settle for a subpar kind-of-love. Although I consider myself lucky to have been “in love” and “loved” by others, I realized that my definition of love has grown over the years and as a result, my expectations for love has also expanded. I’ve spent the last few months in solitude out of fear of falling in love with the “wrong person” again. I did not want to risk the chance of falling in love with someone only to break their hearts later on. As I realistically redefined my expectations of love, I realized that I had to work on myself a far greater deal if I wanted to attract the type of love I seeked.

My hope for all of us is to find that life partner that continues to inspire us to grow but before we can expect someone else to help us carry the load, we need to lighten the weight first. So before you rush falling into “subpar” love, try meeting these goals first to attract a greater type of love:

Love yourself first. In my younger years I felt this was a cliche as I didn’t understand the true meaning behind it. As I grew older I realized that if you don’t know how to love yourself, then you won’t recognize when others are treating you poorly or incapable of loving you properly. Furthermore, when you are able to truly love yourself first then you won’t need to search for validation from someone else.
Understand yourself. Know exactly who you are. Recognize the areas you shine in and own up to your imperfections. What are your highlights? What positive aspects can you contribute to a relationship? As important as it is to recognize your positive attributes, it is also vital that you recognize your shortcomings as well. Figure out what your trigger points are so that you are able to work through them. A sore spot for me is the topic of finances. Growing up I listened to my mom’s constant complaint of my dad being “overly frugal” and watching her every spending-move. As a result, I was afraid to get into a relationship with someone who would nickel and dime my own spending. To counteract that fear, I made sure that I contributed financially to my personal relationships. Properly heal the wounds from your past before jumping into your next relationship. For some of us, that may even mean learning to forgive and trust again before we jump into a new relationship.
Fulfill your own needs. Know how to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Take care of your energy levels so that you can pass out positive energy. Good energy attracts more good energy. Be the type of energy you want to attract.
Find a creative outlet. What inspires you the most? There will be days when you don’t feel your best, channel that negative energy into something beautiful instead. As I’ve started to embrace my creative side I realized that it not only keeps me interested in this game of life but it also keeps me interesting to other love prospects as well.
Have realistic expectations of your dream partner and write it down. I understand that there is a sort of chemistry that needs to happen for one to be attracted to another but try not to be shallow in your list of wants and non-negotiables. What do you value the most? What areas are you willing to compromise on? Use this list to manifest your desires.
Don’t be afraid to display your authentic self at all times. If you’re not being yourself, then you’re not being loved for who you truly are. Deep intimacy can only be inspired from true authenticity. Cultivate that opportunity by being yourself.
Become a better listener. Listen with the intention of understanding others. This act will inspire your partner to listen with the intent of understanding you as well.
Recognize what your preferred love language to give and to receive is. Learn how to communicate this need.
Learn how to give other types of love language. One of the greatest gifts we could give someone is to love them and show that we truly understand them. This will bring you closer to your partner and help them feel loved by you.
Follow your intuition. Tune in to your feelings and listen to them.

Annie Ngo, Elephant Academy Apprentice

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