Being with men’s emotions: how women can support men in sharing more of their emotional selves.

How many times have you seen your father cry? Your brother(s)? Male friends/partners? Think about it…

Western society has really done a number on men. We teach boys it’s not okay to show “weakness”–tears are not welcome. From a young age, they are taught to “man up” and “get on with it”. Male children are even held and touched less than female children. Society isn’t very accepting of any “negative” male emotions except perhaps anger. (Some research suggests violence is an extreme form of desire for touch caused by lack of comforting touch as a child).

Fast forward to adulthood— women want men to come out of their shell. Coax them to show more emotions. Remember, most men have had programming from infancy to NOT show certain emotions. To show no “weakness”. Then, finally, when a man shows a tender emotion, many women don’t know how to respond to the emotion! (Likely they themselves are uncomfortable with the emotions being shown).

So these women try to fix the emotion or they shame the man for showing it. How confusing is this message to a guy? But this is a really common scenario. Women who do this—you are part of the bigger problem! If you want *any* man in your life to show-up with his emotions–you better know how to be with what shows up. That means doing your own personal work. Period.

And this is how: ladies, you must learn to be okay with all of YOUR emotions. What you avoid in yourself you will certainly avoid in others. You allow yourself to feel the hard emotions and the amazing ones. And when any man in your life gives you the gift of showing a tender part of himself—you just listen. You are open. You don’t fix it. You offer accurate empathy. You ask him what he needs (don’t assume). Then do that. Then listen some more.

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