Brave Heart

All it took was that one brave step – to the plane that will take me back home.

It was a cold day in London and I was heading to Heathrow Airport for what seemed like the longest time in my life. I was hauled up in that big city for two days – alone and scared in a hotel room. My ex-boyfriend left me in London after a huge fight.

Sometimes, life takes you by surprise. One minute, you’re happy then suddenly, you’re not.

I was caught by surprise, defenseless and with no one to rely on except friends and family at the other side of the world. I cried and hoped for things to be okay — my greatest fear was unfolding right before my very eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. “Things happen for a reason,” I reminded myself over and over again.

But nothing I or anyone said made me feel better. They sounded like whispers to me and I wasn’t willing to listen.

“Go out, see the city, and make the most out of the time you have there,” my friends prodded me.

The night before, I mustered the courage to go outside.

“Maybe you’re meant to make this dream come true on your own,” my sister told me. So, with all the energy I have left, I went to the tube station and struggled my way to get to Westminster Underground.

I was proud of myself that night. I felt like I was the bravest girl in the world. If you’re left in a city you know nothing about and you found your way somehow, trust me, YOU ARE THE BRAVEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.

Although I must admit, it was sad – to walk the roads of one of the world’s most revered cities alone. It was sad to think that I could have been holding someone else’s hand to guide me and make me feel that I would never get lost. It was sad to look at London Eye’s blinking lights with tears almost falling down my eyes or hear Big Ben’s sound as loud as my own heart pounding.

It was sad to remember the days when we used to travel and explore together. It was sad to think of the what ifs and buts. It was sad to think of it all. So I would stop, close my eyes, and whisper, “I wish you were here.” But he wasn’t so I had to keep moving forward.

And I keep moving forward up to this day and the days ahead.

All it took was that one brave step to leave that hotel room.

Gladly, a friend arranged for her friend, Rob, to pick me up and drop me off at the airport. I didn’t have the energy to buy myself food outside, much more force myself to pack what was left of my things and go to the nearest train station.

Rob picked me up earlier so we would still have time to explore a bit more of London before I fly home.

“I will show you the brighter side of London,” he said. It was winter and everywhere I looked, there wasn’t any sunshine like the one we have back home. So I didn’t know if I would find anything ‘bright’ that day.

But I did, at Richmond Park – the largest royal park in London created by Charles I in the 17th century. Surprisingly, the sun shone on that side of London. Rob was right. He was gonna show me the brighter side of the city. Amidst the winter trees void of leaves, I saw a glimpse of hope and of renewal.

Rob was telling me stories and I listened with all my heart. I listened to my own breathing and at the back of my mind, I wanted so badly to cry. Why is the world showering me with so much beauty on a day filled with darkness, despair, and desperation? Was it reminding me of something? I’m sure it was.

Then we went to the town of Kingston and walked up towards Kingston Bridge. It was the perfect setting for a movie only this time, I was the main cast. I realized that day that the heart is easy to please – one stroll around a tranquil place and you will almost forget all of life’s sadness.

“You are in charge of your own happiness,” Rob told me. As cliche as it may sounds, it was what I needed to hear the most. As we walked and talked about everything, we found the time slowly slipping away. We grabbed lunch and headed to the airport.

Rob was right. I was in charge of my own happiness and at that time, my happiness meant picking myself back up, forgiving my ex and myself, and accepting that there is a season for everything. There is a season for us – it could be the times we shared already or a new one in the future. No one knows.

Rob hugged me goodbye and I took what was left of the broken pieces of my brave heart. There was no turning back now. I was meant to celebrate New Year’s Eve on air. I was meant to celebrate it alone.

As everyone in the plane greeted each other Happy New Year, I silently prayed with a hopeful heart for things to be alright; that someday, somehow, our paths will cross again and meet at the exact same point where our hearts will.

On that cold December night, I said goodbye to the winter season and welcomed a new one back home.

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