I have been there and I know that, for most of us, our first reaction after being dumped is to panic. That might be even putting it mildly. For some of us, it is to majorly freak out!
The person we love has blind sided us. The rug has been yanked from underneath us and we feel that the other person has rejected us in total. This person who we feel knows us well and who we thought had a genuine connection with us has decided to leave. We often feel that because of this intimate knowledge, this person chose to leave. As though we aren’t worthy of this person’s love.
If you are experiencing that right now, I want you to take a short break from your emotions. I just want you to breathe. In a few minutes, you may return to the sorrow and panic, but for now, I just want you to consider a few things that might help you.
First, there is plenty of time. You don’t have to win this person back today. You don’t have to convince your boyfriend or girlfriend to get back together with you today. The odds are, if you have been with this person for more than a couple of months, that they can’t move on quickly anyway. Even if your ex wanted out of your relationship, they will still need time to heal and find emotional balance before they can think of considering another person as a love interest.
So the panic you feel is unnecessary. As long as the two of you are alive, there’s hope of reconciliation. For all you know, this breakup could simply be a blip on the radar.
Second, what you have been feeling is psychologically predictable. What I mean by that is that this person has become more attractive to you because they have pulled away. By breaking up with you they have made themselves seem out of reach and that makes you want them even more. I have literally sat with people one day who wanted to break up with someone and the next day desperately wanted that person back because the other person left them. So understand that some of what you feel is a little bit of the hard-to-get phenomenon. It’s not necessarily because you want this person as bad as you think you do at this moment.
Third, if you stay away from this person and allow them to truly experience the breakup, they just might realize that it’s not what they want. Whereas if you text, call, and go to their place to beg them back, they aren’t getting to see what it’s like without you. If you think your relationship was a good thing and had lots of great times, then bet on that. Back off and give that person the opportunity to miss you. It sounds simple, but you might be surprised to learn that this simple tip is often all it takes to get this person back.
I hope you feel better at this point and don’t see a reason to go back to panicking. But if you do, maybe read this article again and allow yourself to believe it.
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