Sometimes life has a funny way of catching up on you. The random carefree or careless choices we make in the seemingly randomness of it all are delivered with stark brilliance! Where you’re left with the ultimate choice, the game changer that either brings you to your knees or has you rise like a phoenix from the fire flames.
In 2002 after years of carefree, careless choices, life had finally caught up with me and I was given my ‘death wish’ on a plate. Years of heavy drinking, substance abuse and running from myself in mindless geographics had presented the ‘game changer’ – ‘to live or to die?!’
In 2002 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I was told it was progressive and that I would more than likely have ten years!
I had lost all movement in my left leg, I had lost all feeling in my face,hands and abdomen, both my arms were very difficult to manoeuvre and coordinate and l had difficulty doing menial tasks such as: putting on clothes, eating, washing, reading or getting from A to B in my everyday life. I felt so obvious to the world and really upset by this. Disability and me were two words that did not fit together.
It was a stark wake up call! And I was in no way ready to die down! So I went for a second opinion. I then had the blessing of meeting a remarkably humane neurologist; Dr C. in the Matter Private Dublin. He gave no rose tinted promises but did offer a chink of possibility as opposed to the doomsday prophecy that I had received in Cork. Everything in the end is in the perception of it! How we perceive the outcome of anything changes the intention of the process. If I had believed either doctor, I’d be dead today! Something greater in illness had awoken, a greater force of reassurance, I just knew deep down I would be ok, if I understood the message!
I started on some serious experimental drugs, various strands of beta-interferon and was put on a different cocktail of anti-spasm medication and anti-depressants. The side affect of these drugs were actually worse than the illness itself, I found myself in bed for two days after injecting the serum with chills, aches and pains worse than any bad flu virus. I had two severe allergic reactions to the medication where paramedics had to be called. My breathing changed, my blood pressure dropped and all the lines on my face were puffed out and swollen.
In MS relapse, I had to be hospitalised and take intravenous steroids to reboot my immune system.
It goes without saying that any organic illness of the mind affects the mind, I endured serious bouts of depression, low mood, depleted energy levels and chronic anxiety. There are no words to describe the experience of the mind. What amplified my fear was that nobody around me understood! There was no real understanding or support. A physical symptom is obvious, it’s harder to prove mental exhaustion and chronic fatigue. I found myself in a toxic loop of being sustained by medication and the devastating side affects of such levels of toxicity on my body and mind. They provided no relief or means by which to enjoy my life fully, support my family or achieve personal empowerment.
There are no words to describe the fatigue in MS its like the sleep of the dead, ordinary people will not understand this but people with neurological disorders will identify. There is no hope, no energy, no life force, no ability, no movement. It’s a very dark space, one is trapped and limited to the confines of their body and inner world.
2010 was my worst relapse I was in bed for 2 months after the birth of my second child unable to move, paralysed, sustaining my body with energy supplement drinks, living with home help and feeling very alone. I found the emotional support to be lacking despite people’s efforts.
There would be no real support, people do their best but they have their own lives! I had children, something inside pushed me beyond myself, to support myself for them. I believe all illness to be suppressed experience or energy which is turned back on the body itself: an illness or weakness in the body. Just as a flu virus manifests where there is weakness in the body all trauma that remains unsupported becomes an ailment or illness within the body. Illness is a hidden life form from within that needs to be listened to.
Unlike many others I had full recovery after relapse, many others are left with irreversible weakness in the body. I decided I was going to move away from any feelings of victimhood and embark on a journey back to myself. I would have to support myself.
In 2011 I decided to come off all medication and believe you me that was the singular most demanding choice I ever made. As with all exercises in empowerment its done baby step by baby step. It took at least two years for the toxins to leave my body and did inarguably affect my mood. Both doctors and family thought I was crazy coming off medication at the time.
I bought an alkaline water machine from Japan that allowed my body to be intensely hydrated which was full of antioxidant properties this supported my energy levels and transition. I started to feel better in myself little by little and went back to college part time to complete a masters in counselling and psychotherapy where I learned so much about mind over matter and psychodynamics.
I started to go to different alternative therapists and found that my body responded quickly to treatment it naturally healed.
I was encouraged by a wonderful man and therapist in Mayo to start learning about energy, as he said I responded well to energy medicine and in particular Seiki Soho, an energy Purification practice from Japan. So I left no stone unturned, I embarked on learning so many different alternative healing and oriental medicine.
I learned through Seiki Soho how to treat myself and others through spontaneous bodily movement and that when stagnant energy in the body is moved it has a ripple effect on one’s own life. Change happens in all areas, the spokes of a wheel harmonize: body, mind and soul.
Today I live with no symptoms, I am in remission from MS, I don’t even consider or think about it, I don’t see doctors and I take no medication. I am raising my three children on my own, as a single mother and have the maximum energy and potential I need to respond and support my life. I work as a healer and therapist assisting others on a similar path towards self empowerment through illness and trauma.
I am no way saying that I have the cure for MS but I am a living testimony that moving past the victimhood of experience and listening to what our illness is saying to us at a deep level can help one surrender to life. We can achieve our maximum potential by letting nature and energy take its course through energy movement and self healing intention.
For any further information:
My website is www.soulwaystherapy.ie
My Facebook page is Saralee Healing
Read Elephant’s Best Articles of the Week here.
Readers voted with your hearts, comments, views, and shares:
Click here to see which Writers & Issues Won.