With the recent #metoo movement, it has become painfully apparent that millions of women have been affected by sexual abuse or trauma, to some degree or another, and their lives are impacted as a result. I am one of those women. I feel compelled to share my story with anticipation that it will encourage other women to take their lives back as their own and to not be piloted by their past, as well as to inspire hope to a seemingly hopeless situation at times.
Fortune in Unfortunate Circumstances
My injustice happened when I was quite young, just seven or eight years old. My best friend’s dad, a trusted fatherly figure for me at the time, lured me into his workshop with the promise of showing me something really cool and interesting. But instead he rape me. I remember walking out of the workshop dazed and confused and everything after that was a blur. The next memory I have was at my own home a few days later. I was scheduled to have a play date with my best friend. I locked myself in my bathroom, frantically crying and begging my mom to cancel. I was very confused at the time and couldn’t remember why I didn’t want to go and play with my cherished companion. Luckily, I never did go back but I also never told anyone what transpired that day.
Fortunately for me my psyche repressed the explicit memories and left only faint flashbacks – just enough to keep me safe from future transgressions, but not too much to overwhelm my fragile and infantile coping mechanisms. It amazes me to this day that my subconscious mind was so intuitive and intelligent at such a young age and undoubtedly saved my life in more ways than one.
When I reached my twenties the memories of the sexual trauma came flooding back, first in the form of dreams. Then I began having lucid memories where it felt like I was there, in the flesh, experiencing the trauma for the first time. The last stage of recollection was similar to a state of hallucination, whereby my boyfriend at the time became my perpetrator during lovemaking sessions. It was then I realized this was something I needed to explore further with a trained professional and bravely face once and for all.
My therapy was both extensive and intensive. I employed a broad range of treatments including hypnotherapy, acupuncture, cranial sacral therapy, EMDR, recovered memory therapy (RMT), psychotherapy, mindfulness, meditation, forgiveness counseling, life coaching and group therapy. By the time I reached my 30’s I felt I had exhaustively analyzed, scrutinized and interiorized this life experience. No scar was left behind. I can’t say I ever truly encountered a pivotal moment where I felt as though the trauma had left my whole being. However, I was able to freely talk about my experience without the slightest wince or cringe. I naively assumed this was indicative that I was cured from this burden and free to move about my life in an unencumbered way.
Fast forward 5 years, I found myself amidst in what I can only define as a spiritual crisis. I yearned to not only understand, but to know unequivocally, the deeper meaning of life. While I had casually ruminated the idea of a “life purpose”, I was never overtaken with such an urgent calling as I was at that time.
Seemingly my life was pretty perfect. I owned a successful business doing what I loved, had a great group of family and friends, was enjoying single life, traveled often and was overall healthy and happy. In hindsight however, I must admit there was a feeling that something was missing despite having all the life essentials. I was reliving dilemma’s over and over again and I couldn’t quite surpass patterns and paradigms. It was like I was on a treadmill, destination nowhere. I was unable to gain traction for growth and improvement while satisfying a soul calling, a “soul-ing”, no matter what I tried.
Healing From the Inside Out
For the first time in my life I found myself on my knees, praying to a higher power to bring me to the person, place or thing that could end my futile quest. A few weeks later I was in Argentina attending a Tantra Massage Therapist course under the direction of Somananda Tantra School. Skeptical as to how this course would provide clarity and a pathway forwards, I arrived cautious yet optimistic.
What I experienced at this retreat seems unfit for words as it was profound, transformative and indescribable in many ways. What I can say is that for the first time in my life I had genuine, organic, full-scale, authentic healing from the inside out. Every part of my being was touched – physically, energetically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually.
I also had an epiphany regarding my sexual trauma. What I discovered is that this incident left an energetic scar and imprint in my aura and physical tissues, which are rarely healed by traditional therapies and therefore linger long after the emotional and mental aspects have been addressed in counseling. This explained why I was able to openly speak about my incident with no outward projection of an unhealed inner manifestation. Psychologically I had unearthed the negative seed but the energetic embryo was still very much alive and governing my life.
It is similar to a virus that is running in the background of your computer. There is no evidence that it is there often times, and yet it wreaks havoc in subtle, unsuspecting ways. All of my known and unknown dysfunctional patterns and tendencies surrounding relationships, sexuality, love and life stemmed from this imprint the trauma left in its wake.
What is Tantra Massage?
Tantra Massage is a revolutionary form of hands-on bodywork that has been developed by modern tantrics in the last few decades to remedy widespread problems that accompany a conventional lifestyle. The beneficial aspects are many, however it is most renowned as a profound instrument of healing and famed for its ability to remove sexual and energetic blockages. By doing so a person can experience a remodeling of their entire being and be awakened to an upgraded level of health and wellness, an ability to love more deeply, an increase in pleasure and orgasmic potential as well as a spiritual realization.
This sacred practice is not just an average form or branch of massage. It is indeed unique because it incorporates the tantric essence of Shakti, or energy. When skillfully incorporating this universal force into a massage, the healing potential exponentially increases and the results or effects multiply. It can touch the deepest layers and aspects of a human being. This is important due to the fact that many of the problems that modern people face – emotional disturbances, mental troubles, sexual dysfunctions and health ailments – are attributed to blockages and imprints embedded at an imperceivable level.
Our sexual energy can be a healing energy
Ancient tantrics discovered that energy is the building block of our universe and there are several types. One type is super potent – like the uranium in a nuclear reactor – and that is our sexual energy.
When the sexual energy is condensed in the human body in the lower areas or energy centers only – which is the case for a majority of the population – it can wreak more havoc then good. Here, it is very raw and crude-like and appeals to our more animalistic or carnal natures. However, when harnessed in a particular way, a tantric way, and channeled upwards to the higher energy centers of the human being, this energy becomes refined and defined. It undergoes an alchemical reaction and transformation and as a result its latent power is unleashed. Now this energy’s true nature is revealed and its healing and spiritual properties can be utilized.
Most people are not aware of how to take their sexual energy beyond their genitals and it is therefore used only for rudimentary purposes. Tantra Massage is a means for not only cleansing and opening vital gateways so there is an open channel for the energy to flow through, but it also teaches the energy to start flowing upwards. In this process a skilled practitioner executing the massage can unlock the extraordinary healing benefits of a person’s sexual energy and this invokes purification and a releasing of blockages.
In essence, by using their own energy in a deliberate way, a therapist can arouse the energy of another person, and teach it how to behave in a specific way to achieve a specific purpose.
Everyone has blockages in some shape or form. They can be physical, emotional, mental, sexual or psychosomatic in nature and the root cause can vary from person to person. They can come from everyday repetitive habits and experiences or from a painful memory or event that gets compounded over the years.
In my case my blockages were a result of my early trauma and many sexual experiences that followed as a consequence. Through the practice of Tantra Massage I was freed from the clutches of the past when the imprint was harmoniously released in a systematic way. It was replaced by an unimaginable mental ease, a renewed hope for a bright future and a place and a space for my true self to emerge. Today the memory of my sexual trauma is still very much with me, however, it is one I can broach with detachment and compassion. It is simply a single slide in my photo reel of life, but it no longer dictates the unfoldment of my experiences.Browse Front PageShare Your Idea
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