I was looking in all the Wrong Places!

I was looking in all the Wrong Places!

So, I begin many love affairs with his potential to love me, had nothing to do with him. I needed to answer some hard questions; the first was, has he shown you that he can be what you need? Second, has he promised to be all those things for you?

So, this process has taken up about 20 good years of my life, because I was living the dream and not What Is! I was striving for this self- imposed perfection of what a woman was supposed to be. I traded, and advertised my self-worth.

It is my belief, that if I would have looked at what he was doing instead of what he could be doing; I would have saved myself a great deal of pain and disappointment.

If I could have seen all that I had to offer as a woman and not for one second believed that he was my life; yet see him as a compliment to an already divinely perfect person. I didn’t have to barging or trade myself for love. I only had to be myself; I didn’t have to give so much, all at once.

My behavior was genuine however, I gave too much too soon mainly because I believed that if I didn’t show my hand; He would leave me. This left me feeling depleted and unworthy at times. It kept me in fear, in fear of someone else better than me would come along. I didn’t see what God had created was the Best.

I did this with my father too, the ego dream is not just with a significant other, it can show up with family too. He would come around, I would put lipstick on, comb my hair down, just to be pretty for my daddy. I went as far as I could go in education; partly because I wanted him to see me,(not physically see me but be a witness to my life and say that I mattered to him). The hardest realization for me was to see my father and myself as real human beings, doing the best we can. I, again, had to separate dream from fact.

I wanted a full-time father, I got a part-time father who did the best he knew how.

I wanted time, and attention; I got, a father who always made every moment count with the time he had.

I wanted to be chosen! Now, what does that look like, to be chosen? Really, who can do that? Only you. That’s it! I had to choose myself. You see, God already chose me, out of all that could have been, He chose me, no one else needed to, He said I was enough and acceptable to the world. He said I was worthy of all the things I desired and that if I asked all would be given unto me.

Now, once those dots were connected, I begin preparing myself for what God had for me. I Let go of the ego driven dreams and fulfilled my God given assignment. I knew that I needed to start connecting with myself, friends, family and strangers. I had to put my best foot forward in everything I did. I finally knew that I was a gift to all and that I belonged to God.

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