Lessons Learned From Motherhood.

Mother’s Day is next weekend. This time of year always has me deep in reflection on my journey as a Mom, as a Woman, and how they both dance together.

I became a Mom for the first time at 22. This month my oldest son will turn 16 and I’m not really sure where all the time went. I have photos and memories to document the years, but it passed more quickly than my brain and heart will allow me to believe.

Becoming a Mom that first time was not what I expected. At 22 I did not expect to hear the words ‘Mosaic Down Syndrome’. I did not expect my own Mom to leave us four short months later from lung cancer and live the rest of my life without her. I did not expect to leave a job I loved to be a stay-at-home-Mom and have this new role become my full-time job. But expectations are a tricky thing.

Motherhood, I found, is full of surprises.

I became a Mom again at 26, but quickly learned this was a child who’s face I would never see. And in what felt like a winter of my life, a little seed bloomed and I found myself a Mom once again.

This little man had a very rough start and was almost lost to me too. In his beginning I found that motherhood was a job that would strengthen me. Help me believe in miracles. Allow me to have hope in the most hopeless times, and teach me to let go.

Motherhood, I found, is balance.

I became a Mom again at 28. I was told I could not have anymore children. I was told it was a girl. I picked names and planned her arrival. In the quiet moments alone, my brand new son in my arms as we were getting to know each other, he showed me his name did not fit and I listened.

Motherhood, I found, is about listening.

As they grew I found I did too. My unconsciousness faded. My conditional love disappeared. Replaced by compassion, empathy, and acceptance.

Diagnoses came. Life hit bumps. Mom got a prefix of single before it.  Others tried to show me what was best. And my intuition became my best friend.

I watched as my sons tried and grew. Tried and triumphed. I shared in their sorrows and let them see mine. A strong bond of humanness we built.

Motherhood, I learned, is constantly changing.

As this Mother’s Day approaches, I feel less separation between the Woman and the Mom than I ever have. In nurturing the Woman, the Mom has blossomed.

I am so grateful for this journey and blessed to be on it with these three boys.

Motherhood, I learned, does come with a manual, it is my children. And it’s has been a beautiful read.

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