Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

Saturday 14 July 2018

Letter to my 16 year old self.

Dear Karen

There have been a few difficult years behind you.  You haven’t enjoyed school and the natural inclination you have; to entertain people and make their lives better in some small way, has had scorn poured down on it by religious misinterpretation and judgement.  The love you feel for your friend that blossomed into a full-blown love affair in all its meanings was condemned as unnatural and evil and in the midst of all this pain and anguish, your mum, whom you love with all your heart has been hurting because of her involvement with a man she loves and who it happens will be in your life going forward (so you had better get used to sharing her and not coming first in her life all the time, she needs to have her own life now!). All of this and exams too! No wonder the exams seemed a doddle by comparison!

This is what I need to say to you: There are at least 42 years stretching ahead of you, hopefully many more.  There are generations that would not exist were it not for the decisions you are going to make and yet I worry that you are never going to feel fulfilled. That those that seek to influence you, will succeed in doing more than that and possibly without the wherewithal to know when guidance becomes control.

People you love are going to disappoint you. Not all people of course and not in all ways.  It may be that they disappoint you because you want more for them, to make their lives better in some way. You are not God! There is no such thing as an omnipotent being that does nothing but good in the world. People will disappoint you. That’s a fact and it’s going to happen again and again throughout your life. Here’s the flip side to that; people who love you are going to be disappointed by you too.  Do you seek to disappoint them?  Do you hope to cause them hurt? No, it just happens because humans are imperfect beings.  You are an imperfect being and striving to be more than that, for perfection, is unrealistic and will occupy a lot of your psyche for the next 42 years. It could stop there, but you will need to choose for it to stop.  So, that is why I’m writing to you today.

What are you waiting for?

You may never get to entertain people, so what?  You may never write that book, so what?  You may never pay off the mortgage, or have a pension, or be financially independent, so what? This is the truth of the matter: Comedians are funny and entertain people. Prolific authors somehow have the ability to sit down for long periods of time and get their thoughts and ideas out of the heads and onto a screen or paper.  Some people are born wealthy, some achieve wealth and some have wealth thrust upon them, that’s just one of those things.  They too have unfulfilled dreams and possibly say to themselves in the mirror: “What are you waiting for?”.

None of these things should ever be a source of dissatisfaction for you because you have a very rich tapestry ahead of you.  You will experience ecstasy and grief at both their extremes.  You will champion causes and influence change for the good in any number of ways which will makes lives better for others.  You willentertain people. You will write stuff, but maybe never quite an entire book! You will have money sometimes and none at others. You will love with all your heart and against all odds and others will feel the same for you.  You will impress, thrill and disappoint people, it’s a fact; as I’ve already said; You’re not God!

If you really want to be on stage; don’t take “no” for an answer.  If you really want that baby; have that baby and love them with all the intensity they deserve and you are capable of. If getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper is what you need, then pick up a pen! And start scribbling on a paper napkin! It won’t do JK Rowling any harm!

Just one thing though, stop droning on about waiting for things to go the way you want them to. Stop being patient! Patience if NOT a virtue, it’s a millstone! Be impatient. Yes, now you know you’ve got at least 42 years ahead of you, but you have no idea how quickly they will piss away.

Be braver than you think you are now. Be more resilient. Be a bit more selfish sometimes, even.  Look beyond what you think you see and find what or who is hiding there.  They may value you higher than you’ve ever been valued before and you will learn to value yourself better as a result.  If you keep striving but never quite achieving, perhaps you’re doing the wrong thing or trying too hard or just being too hard on yourself.  If you want to tell the world the things you know about, or think you know about; tell the world!  What’s the worst that can happen?

You could be wrong. That’s the worst that can happen. Being wrong isn’t a crime. Being wrong is just a consequence of having an opinion and having an opinion is IMPORTANT!

Youare important because you have an opinion.  I know what you’re going to think at this point; you’re going to think everyone has an opinion.  Well, you’re wrong! (There you go, you’ve already been wrong and survived it!), not everyone has an opinion.  Many people, including some of the people you know right now at this point in your life, have little in the way of opinions.  For many, maybe even most people, life is comprised of a series of mediocre experiences that do nothing to help them form opinions, make contributions, or do much over or above just getting by.  Believe it or not, many people believe that their destiny is already mapped out before them and nothing they think or do can influence its outcome.  You will never believe this by the way and you need to get used to waking up in the morning with the thought that “Today might be the day that I change things for good”.  Tragically that is exactly what is going to stop it happening and it’s a teeny tiny linguistic limiter that is going to fuck it up for you!

“might”: Perhaps? Possibly? If everything goes according to plan? (there is no plan either, so overcome that little screwball too!) the amazing thing about that word is its other meaning.

“might” also means strength, valour and determination.  Use it to your advantage.

Be who you are, not who others want you to be. You’ve got at least 42 years but that really isn’t very long so stop being patient, darling.

With love

FUTURE KAREN

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