Love Yourself

Love yourself.

Usually this sounds much easier said than done. As human beings, we are preprogrammed to be negative and critical of ourselves more than others. Constant negative influences bombarding our lives telling us we aren’t good enough. Constant pressures of society. Constant pressure of others in order to succeed. We can see ourselves in the worst of light and feel shame and disappointment upon ourselves that can last for years if we are not self-aware. These feelings can be so strong, we can begin to feel a sense of hate that might lead to apathy towards ourselves and what happens in our lives. Depression can set in, and not only can we hurt ourselves, but we can hurt the ones closest to us that we believed we would always love. Your loved ones want you to love yourself. Loving yourself can lead to profound ripple effects that lead to a better life for you and for EVERYONE around you.

Don’t let hope slip through your fingers. Blind optimists cling to hope as if they are starving and it is the last piece of pie on the tray. Once that pie is gone, what will be left for the optimists? Be more realistic about hope. Understand that not everything will always be extra special and you won’t always feel good about life. In fact, it is normal to have low points or feelings. Accept that. But do not dwell in the low points, for they are temporary. Take the high moments as often as possible and keep in mind how it feels so you can refer back to it at a later time. Keep those moments in your mind for a few more seconds and your dopamine levels will actually rise. How weird is that? Simply thinking about good times can help you feel happier. Practice thinking healthy and happy thoughts, no matter how impossible it seems sometimes. Over time, it will be much easier and you will feel happier. I promise that.

Now how does one love themselves? You might have had some thoughts like I have had in the past: “I am no good. I am stupid. I fucked up with so-and-so. I’ll never find love. No one cares about me. I am all alone. How could I do that to her? How could I do that to myself? I fucking suck. I am masochistic. What is the point of this life? Who would care if I wasn’t here anymore? Maybe I should leave for good. No one would care about me if I left anyways. I don’t deserve love.” and so on… Into the exhausting abyss that is a marathon of negative abysmal thoughts that help you see a self-fulfilling prophecy to the core of existence. The most ironic thing about these thoughts is that they will perpetuate themselves. These thoughts compound themselves if you let them. These thoughts are relentless and tireless. They will consume your mind if you give them the chance. They will ensure your slow and steady demise towards what they are saying. They work the same as any thought, right along with the law of attraction. What you think, you become.

Back to how to love yourself instead of being negative. First, the things you will need for this, and then the process. You are going to need a little of that blind optimism mentioned earlier, you will need some patience, you will need to be resilient, and you will need to understand that nothing good comes easy. All good things take time, especially if you have developed bad habits that have set you back like I did (Most likely the case so stay with me).

If you are reading this, it is because you really do want to love yourself more but you don’t think you deserve it for whatever reason. You could not be more wrong. We are all human. We make mistakes. We move on. Just because you have done wrong to yourself or others, does not mean you don’t deserve the love of others. What you have done is minuscule compared to many evil characters through history. Remember that. We all deserve love, in every form, and if more people knew that and accepted it, could you imagine the impact it would have on the world? If we loved ourselves more, we could love others more, we could love the planet more, we could advance into the future of humankind instead of remaining stuck with our primitive instincts of fear, solitude, control, power, and the us-against-them mentality. With more love, even a little love, we could propel ourselves into a potential world of help and acceptance, instead of the masculine traits of death, war, and destruction we are incredibly ingrained within right now.

I want you to start small, realize this might take several months or years before you see any results, but I promise you the results will come if you let them. The trick is getting out of your head as much as possible, or simply (this is not simple) focusing your attention on what you are doing currently. If you are going to be in your head, then you need to be conscious of your thoughts, try to keep good thoughts in your head i.e., someone you love, your goals, compassionate thoughts, affirmations, places of bliss, good memories, etc.

1) Get out of your head by getting into your body:

Go for a walk everyday no matter what. If you don’t like working out, that’s okay, just go for a walk (preferably in nature, away from all the business of life).

2) Get out of your head by reading or writing:

I like to read things that might help me be happier. A recent work I read was an extended interview with the Dalai Lama called “The Art of Happiness”, and I highly recommend this book for everyone. Writing your feelings down allows you get those pesky negative thoughts out, and can help you affirm your positive traits.

3) Try some daily affirmations or meditation:

This one is huge. One daily meditation I like to do is just 5 minutes of spreading compassion. I think compassionate thoughts about myself first, then I think compassionately about a positive influence, a neutral influence, and then a negative influence. I hold the figure in my head the entire time and say a short mantra “May you be happy and healthy, may you love yourself, may good things happen to you, may you live a long and prosperous life.” The negative influence is the hardest to think compassionately about and at first you really want to be mean and negative, but you realize the energy it takes to do such a thing and eventually you truly want the best for your negative influences. You want them to realize their happiness too because it can only translate to a happier world overall. Practice compassion.

4) Eat better and drink more water:

We already know we need to eat better to feel better. Let’s give it a try. Also, don’t mistake eating that piece of cake for happiness, understand that it is pleasure, not happiness. There is a big difference!

5) Try something new or that scares you:

So you are afraid to take that solo trip, or call that person to ask if they will mentor you, or start that organization. Just do it. OMG what if you fail? How bad that would be… But, on the flip side, what if you succeed? And succeed you will if you keep trying. Remember that. Do something that terrifies you and you will love yourself more when it is over. You can look back and say, “Yeah, I did that!” Do not be afraid of success.

I am still, and always will be, a work in progress. Some people might not think I love myself because I am not very good at hiding my feelings and I can be a jerk sometimes, and I know I can be a jerk to people sometimes because I am critical of others. But I am more critical of myself, and honestly it sucks sometimes. This is a major flaw of mine. I have realized that by spreading some compassion to others and myself, I have reduced the effects of how negative I can be to myself. It takes a little bit of work, but it has changed my moods and my overall perception of myself in the past year. I would not say I am completely changed and that I fully love myself, but I understand it takes time and I am optimistic about changing for the better so I can spread more joy and love because those traits take less energy than spite and hate. Also, they keep you youthful and less stressed than resentment and holding grudges.

Just always remember the good things take time and eventually you will love yourself if you simply begin to try loving yourself more. You have to be consistent and keep good thoughts in mind, even if it seems impossible at times. I promise that if you are persistent and determined to love yourself and feel happier then your mind will have a paradigm shift in a positive direction and you will begin doing things that prove you want to love yourself more. You will develop habits that heal your mind and body, and eventually you WILL love yourself more simply because you wanted to. A small change in perception can make a big impact on your overall life.

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