Manipulate This!

Manipulation?!?!?! I can not even express how much anger courses through me every time I hear from someone that has never been suicidal or suffered from depression states that it is nothing but a manipulation. BEING SUICIDAL IS NOT A MANIPULATION!!!

During my first brush with being suicidal, I reached out to my second husband. We were still married at the time but had just separated. Before checking myself into a facility, I sought him out as a support. He simply ignored my pleas and called his friend to be there for him since he “couldn’t believe I would do that to him”. At the time, I didn’t know what he meant by that. Fast forward a few days later as I am in the facility trying to make sense of things and find support, I am asked if my husband would be willing to come to a counseling session. I call and ask and am told no. Confused and hurt, I am told by the counselor to prepare myself for reaching out to other people. How could my husband, my partner in life just say no? Before I am released from the facility the clinic wants to speak to my husband to try and explain if and how he is going to be there for me when I get out. They ask him, are you willing to be part of her support network. He simply states, “No, I will not be a part of her support system”. Not “I can’t” or “I’m sorry”, or anything, just “No, I will not be a part of her support system”. Later he tells me that me being suicidal was nothing but a manipulation to get him back. That was why he called his friend… he couldn’t believe I would manipulate him like that. I WASN’T!

A few months ago, a man I had been in a relationship with became suicidal after our breakup. Speaking to people close to me, in order to gain clarity and support, I let them know this man is suicidal and reaching out to me for support. I am unsure how to proceed since the catalyst for this is our breakup. How do I support and help him without giving him hope that we will get back together yet be there for him in the way I needed my second husband to be there for me. They confidently say to me… “He is just trying to manipulate you into getting back together with him”, “He is using this as a way to get back into your like”. I will go to my grave forever being sorry for this… I told him that he needed to get help, reach out to therapists and his family but I can not and will not be there for him. I bought into the ignorance, I let him down, I let me down, I let God down. Here I was given a chance to be a part of God’s grace and understanding, I was able to elevate my thinking and being by helping another soul in need, a soul I had loved deeply, a soul that was scared, alone, hurting and reaching out to me. You have no idea what a privilege and honor it is to be that person that is being asked for help. Thank God this man was able to pull himself up and continue to live. He is still struggling and I am so very blessed that he had forgiven me. This man was able to grant me the love and compassion I did not give him by being there for me as I have been recovering from my second brush with being suicidal. This man that is still struggling with his own demons and pain is able to show God’s love by simply being there for me, texting or calling daily to make sure I am ok.

I am part of some suicide prevention and support groups on Facebook. One of the recurring themes among us is the accusation of manipulation. There are so many that almost went through with it BECAUSE of the accusation and the stigma attached. Shame on those that do this.

A person that is suicidal is NOT being manipulative or attention seeking in a bad way. We are people in pain, people that feel lost and alone, people that are confused and hanging on by a thread, people that are judged and ridiculed, people that have either mental or physical illness’ that push us to the brink, people that can’t see any other way to make it just stop other than to take our own lives. The thing is we dug deep and reached out for help, not to manipulate but as an attempt to connect and be given a hand up.

Am I saying that there is never a time when someone has used it to manipulate? No. Unfortunately, there are those that have done that before or will do that. It sucks for those of us that are genuinely sincere. Please, please do not let those once off cases or that what if scenario stop you from being there when asked. You may have the chance to save a life, a soul. You may have the opportunity to let God’s love and light shine through you. Honestly, so what if it is the one-off and you do get manipulated!?!?! You will have acted in a purely selfless, godly, honorable, and compassionate way. How awesome is that?

My heart goes out to us and I am telling you now, I am a voice for those unable or unwilling to stand up for themselves. I will be angry for us, I will defend us, I will advocate for support and understanding of us, I will educate the ignorant and uninformed masses, I will Show Up, Stand Up, and Speak Up for us.

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