Mother’s with Rage and their need to feel heard

So how could a woman who was once a bread winner, once in charge of daily decisions, in charge of the outcomes of her day, in charge of her space for thought, in charge of financial decisions, Certain about her role in the world, Certain of her identity forged through her significance within her work environment, certain of her love and connection and place in her wider family when her loved one was still around possibly find this relevant?

How could this be important to a woman who is now challenged day in day out by the random outbursts of a 4 year old, the lack of compliance of a cheeky 10 year old, the words “no” or “I hate you”, or “you have made this a terrible day” from a grumpy 5 year old?

How can a woman who once had stories of how she had travelled extensively or career setting or many other things yet now sits quietly because she doesn’t want to be a baby bore possibly relate to the fact that she is no longer meeting her basic HUMAN NEEDS?

Logic dictates right here that we say, but this is part of having children, these things will pass, it still doesn’t mean I should get angry, remember that having children is a blessing…. But stop and remember, when there is a conflict between logic and emotion that emotion will always win!

If we do not meeting our human NEEDS in positive ways then we will meet them in any way they can. It is an instinct, it triggers powerful emotional reactions such as anger…
The need for significance and certainty will be met, we will, despite all logic and reason, do what we NEED to do to meet these NEEDS. It may escalate, it may be that if they continue to fail to meet these needs in positive ways then the anger will indeed lead to a loss of other needs being met, such as the NEED for love and connection, constant arguments , anger and pushing people away leaves loved ones confused and many women can retreat in to their shell afraid to talk about their feelings, this can lead to a whole new list of issues.

So why do they react calmly to the same circumstances on other days? Because those needs were being met in some way on that occasion.
For example, holidays can be a leveller, love and connection can be high, significance is levelled by a shared load, certainty may not be an issue because 2 weeks where everything is planned gives a sense of ease… (though this is merely an example because some holidays can certainly be the polar opposite of this, depending on the needs of the entire family)

The simplicity of Robbins 6 Human Needs is an eye opener, and while it can be enough for many to start to change their behaviour based on an understanding of how they should meet their needs in other ways, for others it is simply a starting point to understanding where they are so that I can help them to move forward, and they need something which is more use ‘in the moment’
This is when I discuss with them how to change their emotional ‘state’
This does take some explaining so I have created a follow up post, but essentially, we can all learn to change our state but also the state of those around us long enough to break our though and behaviour patterns and change the course of events in any given moment.

There are of course many other things that we do as part of an actual Hypnotherapy and or Kinetic Shift session but this allows them, before their session to start to understand that that they are not alone, they are not broken and this can be changed, it is not who they are, and so is often the first step in helping them or better still helping them to help themselves to meet every one of their needs in more positive and nurturing ways

www.emmajreynolds.com

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