reasonable gun safety = unconditional self love.

self love is the answer
yes
not draconian gun confiscation
people showing up on doorsteps
knock knock
who’s there
the owner of all the guns
here to take all the guns
can we trust you
sure
yes
not a gun in every hand
teachers
shielding too many children
with one body
not paid
for such
terror
or
should
be with guns
in classrooms
even if under
glass
and key
school is scary
enough
with tests
nevermind
the ptsd
and rippling
of fear
of leave this house
to go to
public
school
and not
ever come
back home
plans
of walk outs
but probably
counter plans
just as strong
what is the answer here
when
guns flood the streets
and every attempt
at taking
creates
an
equal
and opposite
attempt
at organizing
chaos
and destruction
we are broken
america
we are sick
worried
and scared
tired
our children
come here
not feeling
lucky
but quickly
learning
the scam
seriously
pay attention
to that one person
who doesn’t even want to be here
who is making us do stuff
that we don’t to do either
what’s the charade here
exactly
vague
rewards for
forgetting the self
and strict
and stricter
consequences
for falling
out of line
stay in line
johnny
why can’t you pay attention johnny
and johnny goes home
to a
fucking
shit show
where things much more important than venn diagrams
and pythagorus
make the tables turn
his turn
to step up
and school is
a joke
and now it’s not only a joke
but un unsafe one
a battlefield
you may not ever return from
too many
too many
and ripples growing
where walking down
the street
is an act of resistence
but also taking
your own
life in your own hands
hands
that may have guns
police
cannot be trusted
i’ll say that plainly
i
an educated
white woman
small
not intoxicated in any way
except on anger
fueled
by boyfriend
not supporting
most stressful day
as a teacher
parent teacher conferences
that include reports
happily landing on the last
day of the semester for
my first year of grad school
big paper due
got through half the day
before unsupport and anger
bursts
put in same situation as growing up
with no support
and no validation
fight for
the right to be
seen and heard
for you are a child
and should
not
and not
but police beat me up
three of them
bashed head open wound
broken glasses
broken finger
kneeling on back
reaching for guns
putting restraints on legs
while choking me out
125 pounds
so do i trust the cops
to keep us safe
what have
black lives
been telling us
from the other side
of the pigment?
um no
inner city unsafe
because of police
continuing to make it so
adding
violence
perpetrating violence
concentrating violence
and it’s escaping those walls
and bleeding
like
oh
other walls
that bleed
and concentrate
sadness
into action
into try
again
another month
while the moon
pulls its picture
frame
and influence
full
and back again
yeah
maybe time
to celebrate
that alchemy
of feeling
so important
and stop
science
and fact
from tearing a hole
in the fabric
of remembering
who we are
and what we’re here
to do
dropping us all out
as long
as we keep
relegating
some to the
underground
of our consciousness
or care
we weight
down the world
and break it in
to duality
me
you
good
bad
you see
not so fast
not so simple
we all have all
and only through
a lens
does something
become tainted with that
loving light
of goodness
and the other
opposite
the darkness
of bad
the sad
the underground
don’t look at it
wish it weren’t there
but
tear that apart
you tear the whole
thing apart
all of it necessary
all of it good
all parts belonging
for real
the weight lifted
when we stop shoving
at our own beingness
until snap apart
and decide something fatal
it’s more like
action
consequence
rather than good and bad
that’s what kids should learn
that’s what they learn the world is about
drop this cheerio
and it falls
every time
imagine that
and sometimes
mom picks them
up
and sometimes
mom gets mad
at me
maybe i don’t want to throw
the cheerios
anymore
but people
are much more mysterious
and driven
by their feelings
but we don’t like our feelings
because they’re hard
to classify
hard
to feel
hard to get through
some hurt
even
so we turn to brain
and climb right up
ivory towers
and i can’t listen to you
unless you use proper
punctuation
and grammar
because you might
have something
important
for me to hear
and that’s a little too
out of my control
so we separate and judge
and hold the self
above all
just to get a little
feeling
better about ourselves
while what we’re doing is
just pushing away
parts of us
in form
this is good
me
and that’s bad
me
if only i could control
all of that
if i could make
them change
if i could villify them
as the deranged
i could pretend
no part of me
is ever
or will ever
be mentally ill
and struggling
too scary
so i make them bad
what else
criminal folks
those among us
who have found handcuffs
cutting our wrists
and hard plastic resting place
while scary shit passes
back and forth
through your mind
you don’t know
really where you’ll end up
but it feels like
you’re going backwards
speeding forwards
in that car
that’s cushioned
everywhere
except for
where you are
no one can hear you here
so criminal
yes
i understand
i would not want a gun either
but neither should you
i should think
these guns are for killing
guns are for killing
and hurting
taking a life
for yourself
notching your belt
if you believe in such a thing
or that karma
will follow
and is counting
even if
you aren’t
do you need
machines
that tear flesh
like that
or can you go to the grocery store
for your fill?
raise chickens
for yourself
if you want to
kill things with those bear
excuse me
bare
hands
and know what you’re doing
pulling a trigger
while bullets rain
tearing flesh
and psychology
generations
deep
is not
a hero
yet
that’s what our boys
are raised doing
with their hands
pressing buttons
that kill invisible
bad guys
who are not like them
for they are the good guys
killing the bad
duh
duality
lesson number one
those monsters who chase
you in your dreams
are bad guys
are you are safe
from them
remember little one
and i am good
mommy
good mommy
and you are good
baby
until i’m mad
you dropped
the cheerios
too many times
and my back hurts
and i’m tired
and then it doesn’t feel the same
or good
but your words tell me
what
exactly?
i don’t know
i can’t remember those lessons
because the other ones
were too clear
i don’t matter
i need to get out of here
survive
whatever we have to do
and then in the space
of outness
you still
find yourself
crunched
into shape
small
and waiting for attack
you must see
your body
in that form
in order
to make
a different choice
remember
the pain
to discover
the pleasure
of welcoming every piece of you
with the open arms
that have been
waiting
for you
all of you
innocent
deserving
love
***
[cal 2.17.18]
[my blog: https://catsgoodstuff.blogspot.com]

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