Strength in Weakness: Lessons Through My Body

This past Saturday I went to a yin restorative yoga class with my friend. Wow. What a difference from a year ago when we were last in class together. My body has gone from feeling the best it ever had to the worst. But my mind frame has perhaps expanded and allows for a more accepting lens. I showed up to class, fully knowing ahead of time that I would barely be able to get down onto the floor or even straighten out my leg. That my wheelchair would be right along side my mat. And I was OK with that. Just sitting there in my own way. Breathing. Not feeling for the first time like everyone was watching i.e. judging me.
I cried in the beginning of the class because it was such a new way of checking in with my body after months of only checking in because it was medically necessary. And this body has been through so much, holding so much. Throughout the ninety minute class, I became surprised when a muscle would loosen or I could stretch deeper than I would have thought possible. My body was gently unfolding and reminding me it’s still in there. Underneath all of the wounds and the pain. My core essence is still unbroken. And then I cried again thinking back to that morning. I was just trying just to stand up after being in bed all night. Having to put both feet on the floor and trying to support my body weight, left me screaming in agony. To go from that situation to being able to sit and stretch and celebrate my body in yoga. It served as a reminder that it might not be quick…at all, but my body always improves and balances back out.
Also if I’m being 100% honest, I cried a bit too in the beginning of this class because I so wanted to move like I used to. I wanted my body to feel strong and limber and light and pain free. And that’s all ok I’m learning. It’s ok to crave what was and still be grateful for what is. Just as the gentle yoga stretches surprised me with how far I could come, I too have found myself stretching deeper than ever in my life because of these recent medical crisis. It has stretched my faith, my strength, my patience, my relationships etc. And it has been the most grueling and richest of experiences. Body shows me the way…

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