The Power in Witnessing Your Own Suffering Through Self Compassion through the recent school shootings.

As a transformation coach, there is one thing I know for sure, life is not all unicorns and rainbows.  We learn that we are on a journey of witnessing our own experience, and that we can make choices in how we create our life story, but that doesn’t mean we are in control. Control is an illusion.  We can always choose to see the positive side of every outcome, but to really make change and release old emotional patterns, we have do to the work.  Sometimes that means we have to experience our own painful beliefs first as I wrote in a previous article on how to Let the power of fear manifest change. Experiencing them is different then holding on to them. It is honoring the experience and allowing us to learn and grow from it. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge our experience from a healthy and honest perspective, it is easy for us to release old patterns.  But if we are not willing to acknowledge the pain and suffering, we do not truly break through to the sacred space where change is possible. We become stuck in old patterns. Our physical bodies are like a chalice or a vessel that must let go and become empty before we can receive new possibilities.  There is so much power in the willingness to be vulnerable and feel our own pain and sadness.  If we don’t, we become disconnected and disconnection creates fear based decision making. On the other side of fear is trust, unconditional love and an abundant flow of life.

The recent school shooting in Florida has hit way to close to home lately through synchronicity that reminded me of how small the world really is. Just yesterday, my middle school child came home telling me that a friend of hers was suspended from school for posting threatening images on social media towards the school.  I was not prepared to have this conversation with her, and did not react in the way that I wanted to.  I wanted to react with compassion, but because I had not allowed myself to experience my own feelings about it, I was not prepared to hold space for her when she needed it.  It is a responsibility as a parent and as a person in the world to do this for ourselves so that we can help others when they need it. This experience with my daughter allowed me to actually notice how I really felt about the recent school shootings.  I thought about how I felt, but I had not taken the time to actually feel what I needed to. Watching the television can be a way to disconnect form the real world, even though we think we are engaged. For others even if we choose not to disconnect by watching TV, are allowing ourselves to disconnect with how we feel just by not allowing ourselves to witness our own pain and suffering.  There is not anything easy about any of this.  Most of us believe that our children should have the right to be kids, enjoy life, and feel safe at school.  I never imagined my kids would come home talking about teachers with guns, bulletproof back packs, code reds and what to do if a shooter came to the school but its here and not going away anytime soon. It won’t go away if we choose to disconnect from the sadness or fear that we might feel inside by thinking it will never happen to our kids.  We cannot control what happens around us, but we can learn by connecting to ourselves and witnessing our own experience within the bigger experience.  It is all connected because we are all connected.

So during my daily meditation today, I choose to listen to a guided meditation which happened to be on forgiveness and self compassion.  As I began to let go of my mind, I was overwhelmed with my emotions before I even got to a meditative state.  I quieted the mind as I allowed myself to be guided to listen about self compassion and finally allowed myself to experience how I felt.  I was overwhelmed with sadness.

I wasn’t able to say what I wanted to for my daughter because I had not taken the time to experience my own sadness.  I would engage in some conversation, but that is different then sitting in silence with yourself and allowing your body to feel the emotion that is present.  I balled my eyes out. It has been 2 weeks that I walked unwilling to allow myself to experience my own emotions because I knew that it would be painful.  This morning I  allowed myself self compassion for how I felt and for compassion for those of us living in fear.  I did not feel disempowered  through my sadness, but instead felt more powerful through the connecting to all of me and honoring my emotional space. I was able to hold a present and supportive conversation with my daughter after and offer her the safe space she needed to express her own sadness and fear.

The best part is that when we do this, when we engage, when we notice our own emotions, we connect with our body and heart space.  We are connected, not disconnected. It allows us to move forward in a healthy way.  It shows our kids that it is safe for them to express what they are feeling, and that there is power in staying connected and present with all parts of ourselves.  Our whole self is emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual. A healthy whole you is awareness of healthy relationships in all of those parts of ourself.

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