The Ultimate Guide to Deal with Lost Love

“There are so many great guys out there you haven’t met yet!”, they tell me and starts on the faults the guy I was dating had, whom I have lost in the complications of life but decided not to let him go from my mind, or heart. It is not that I did not try. I tried. I met other guys, I met great guys, and I met myself. I was happy and contented with my guy’s distant presence in a strange way. I could not quite explain it.

I met Sarah in college. She would not talk to the guy she loved in fear of hurting him again. She watched him from distance and carried on with her life. The guy got married, moved on with his life and so did Sarah. She moved on with her life in her ow way, but her love for him remained constant. She was not even sad about it. We pushed her, tried to convince her that there are great guys out there and that once she finds a great one, she can be a lot happier than she ever was with her past lover. We tried our best to make her greedy for great guys, greedy for an easier life. It was good that Sarah knew how to make her peace, and that she did not listen to us, because if she did I doubt if we would see the happy confident contented Sarah we know today.

My friend Mohan still cannot forget his first love. Not only he can’t forget her, but to step into the town she lives makes him nervous every time. Mohan however lives in denial. Moha met a great girl, the girl who you could call greater than Mohan’s ex, but Mohan is still not over the girl he loved. In a perfect relationship with the present girlfriend, Mohan still cannot get rid of the depression and denial that is eating him every day. Mohan believed a great girl would cure it and that he did not have the strength to feel complete all by himself. The denial theory obviously did not work.

The idea of love and commitment have become so fixed in our mind that seldom do we dive into ourselves and try to find out what it is that will actually bring us peace. When we have loved someone and lost the person, it would be the best decision to move on – but how we move on should be entirely yur decision and there should not be any rule book about it. If we cannot forget, why force it? We might live a happy life with our partner’s memories, who knows. May be some people’s needs do not function the same way as other’s does who tries to convince otherwise. This world has and will continue to have endless list of great guys and great girls, but human beings can’t just mingle to make some greatness out of it. Profit can be made that way, by making the best combination, love can’t, nor does it need to.

When pain arrives there are two things we can do – act as if pain don’t exist, or take it all in. Denial is never helpful. But we can accept the pain and find our own way of making peace with ourselves – be it with our partner’s memories, or solitude, or a new journey with a great person – however it may be. There is no guideline about how it should be done and no way is the wrong way. But let us just make this sure that however we do it, we are not doing it out of fear of pain. People say pain is bad just because they are afraid of pain. It does not mean we have to live with their fears.

I met great guys on the way, but that didn’t help. When I decided to live with my distant lover, with his absence, a strange kind of peace settled in. Days of fears, frustrations and insecurities  with myself, with new “great guys” were finally over. They say, when you accept life, life accepts you. I accepted the pain that life had to offer me and I gained my peace, because for the first time I felt I was accepted by life itself.

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