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Things to do while you are single…

12 Heart it! Avesha 1.3k
February 10, 2018
12 Heart it! 1.3k

I have always been in long term relationships or at least long term dating.  I grew up in a dysfunctional home therefore I had no concept of what a “healthy relationship” was, I just knew I was happiest when I was in a relationship, even if it wasn’t good for me.

I used to call myself a serial monogamous.  If I met someone and we started dating that was it for me, we were a couple.  Instead of taking the time to get to know someone and even date (not sleep with) multiple people at a time to determine what type of person is right for me, I just went 100mph into a long term relationship, even marriage..twice.

I missed and even ignored many red flags, my favorite men were the “emotionally unavailable ones” that allowed me to chase them.  I fought for relationships that any healthy person would have let go of way before the relationship began.  I was always the person that saw the potential but not the actual person.  To me, all this was worth it because it was better than being single.  You see, being in a relationship defined me.  I felt less than if I wasn’t partnered up.

So, two failed marriages later…one of them quite toxic, I decided after my second divorce to stay single until I was truly ready for a healthy relationship.  I can tell you its like anything else, in the beginning it feels lonely and dreadful.  However, over time something magical happened……. I started focusing on myself.   All that energy I spent focusing on a partner, all that energy I used trying to establish my place in relationships or trying to make my partner happy (even when I knew it was impossible) I started using on myself.  I would rely on myself to make decisions, I started taking better care of myself (yoga, morning facials, meditation, hot baths, eating better), I started focusing on the things I liked vs. what I thought he liked, I started reading and writing in my journal daily.  Through this Journey I am getting to know me and through this experience I am learning that I have been in the wrong relationships my entire life.  These lessons I have experienced with these breaks up pushed me to stay true to myself, work on myself and learn who I am.  What I like, what I don’t and what I really want from myself, life, and a relationship.

I have discovered there is no timeline for anything in life, especially healing.  I am so grateful for this time with myself as it has allowed me to know me and I really like who I am, who I am becoming and I am so excited for this next phase in my life.

Below is a list of things that I think are crucial to do while you are single:

Find yourself
Remove unhealthy people from your life
Invite new people into your life
Reconnect with old friends
Spend time with happily married people
Get in shape
Travel, solo
Take yourself out to dinner at least once
Reclaim your virginity
Learn something new
Take a class
Start therapy
Find a LifeCoach
Get healthy (start a personal wellness plan)
Read, all the time
Binge watch Netflix
Figure out what you want in a person and journal it, often
Set standards, be picky and don’t settle, ever
Spend time with family
Start a keystone habit
Treat yourself with kindness

This list is my “single life guide” and will probably add to it as time goes on.  I plan to enjoy this solo Journey as long as it lasts knowing that when the time is right, the most amazing person is going to walk into my life and it is just going to fit and I will be ready (that is the important part).

It is easy to jump from one relationship to another to avoid being alone and focusing on ourselves but there is no true benefit to it.  Staying solo, working on yourself and discovering who you are is priceless.

I empower you to take time for you and discover your true self!


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Sophie Brunson Feb 13, 2018 6:34pm

This is me – completely. I’m in the figuring out what I want phase now,…4 years in and frustratingly slow. Ive never been single for 4 years in my life and Im certainly getting to know myself, in all the ugliness. How long did it take you?

    Avesha Mar 8, 2018 2:27pm

    I think its fantastic that you are taking this time for you. Slow as it may be it is so critical to our souls to figure out who we are and what we want before we venture back out again.

    I have been in 18 years of relationships in my 45 years of life and I realized after my divorce that I needed a break to reset and figure out who I am and what I want from this second half of my life.

    I am madly in love with self-love and can talk about it all day long 🙂

    I encourage you to check out my website for some encouraging blogs about self love, self care and being single!

Bruce Mckenzie Feb 19, 2018 6:00pm

Totally agree. Careful not to hide from your fears, learn from them. Can’t be lonely if you learn to love the person within! I just come from a 2 year relationship with red flags galore. Listened to my intuition in the end when I realised my partner was emotionally unavailable.

    Avesha Mar 8, 2018 2:29pm

    oh Bruce, nothing worse than an emotionally unavailable partner. Check in with yourself to see if this is a pattern and then maybe soul search to see…are you also emotionally unavailable?

    Remember, we attract what we put out there.

    Check out my website and read some of my blogs, you may like

    Lastly…always always pay attention to the red flags 🙂

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