Three Pitfalls to Avoid During Awakening to Help You Keep it Real

Twelve years ago I picked up Eat Pray Love and it changed my life. At the age of 24 I had already experienced Depression a few times. My general strategy was to close my eyes, and hold my breath until it passed. Then I read Eat Pray Love and realized Depression is an invitation to take a step back and a deeper look at myself and my life. My love affair with spirituality, gurus, meditation, Buddhism, yoga, and all roads promising enlightenment began, and still continues. It’s been the most fundamental shift I’ve experienced, and the journey of awakening and self discovery has been terrifying and beautiful. I don’t regret one second of it and I’ll never turn back because it turned something shameful and fearful into something curious and hopeful. However along the way I’ve encountered many teachers and messages that I found confusing, unhelpful, and suspect. Here are three pitfalls I wish I had known to avoid from the start.

One: Don’t be afraid to call bullshit on something. For most of my journey I assumed all the teachings I came across reflected divine truth, and if they didn’t make sense to me or I didn’t find them at all helpful I assumed the problem was me. I assumed I wasn’t enlightened enough and refused to reject or discredit anything. Years passed before I could listen to a you tuber or read a book and declare this is bullshit. I now understand that spiritual teachers are infallible just like everyone else.

They are prone to unyielding desires to prove themselves and become successful resulting in branding themselves as the one who has it all figured it out and requiring you to keep buying their books and webinars with unrealistic promises. You can break this cycle by recognizing the red flags. Are they promising something that seems to good to be true? Are they presenting themselves as a superior person with all the answers? Are the teachings so esoteric and nonsensical you can’t understand them?

Bottom line: there are no shortcuts, and everyone is infallible.

Two: Don’t fall into shame because the books and webinars aren’t fixing you. I’ve read many books, and listened to many audio cds on building self esteem, but here I am ten years later still struggling to love myself. Yet all the book and courses promised! How to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Learn to Love Yourself. How to Develop Self Confidence.  Sometimes I would feel even worse afterwards because I must really be messed up if it didn’t work for me. It obviously worked for whoever wrote or created it and I imagined them as wonderfully happy, confident, and manifesting all their deepest desires.

Many of these teachings I have actually found to be genuinely helpful, but they do mislead us. For most of us it’s not realistic that a book, cd series, or online course will quickly or easily heal our wounds, teach us self love, or help us manifest our dreams.  People are too complex for this. I have (we all have) past traumas, abuses, and internalized negative emotions and stories that have accumulated over the course of my life. This is not something that can be healed, reversed, or overcome within a few weeks. And that’s ok and normal. The truth is cultivating peace, authentic self esteem, and a life you love is a process that for most of us is life long.

Three: Don’t stick with teachings that aren’t working. During certain periods of my journey I felt like my brain was going to explode. One teacher told me to release anger and forgive everyone if I wanted to be happy, and another told me to embrace my anger to find my power. One book claimed happiness is available at any moment despite any current circumstance and another said I am doomed for discontent if I fail to make necessary changes in my life. How can you possibly know the truth?

At first I just believed whatever I was reading or engaging in at that moment as the truth, even though it didn’t seem to be helping. For example I went through a period of time where a lot of my relationships were one sided, draining, and somewhat emotionally abusive in nature. I had a moment of insight and realized this, but at that time I was learning about the superpowers of meditation so I sat in mediation for an hour a day feeling ridiculously miserable, waiting for happiness and enlightenment to overcome me. I was determined and did this for a long time, but it wasn’t helping at all because what I really needed to do was get angry and stand up to those people in my life.

The light finally came on, and I stood up to those people in my life. It made all the difference in the world. My relationships improved, and I felt much happier. However two years later I was still clutching to some of that anger and then another teaching was applicable: I had to let go of my anger if I wanted to find peace. It was never that one lesson was true and another false. Different lessons are applicable at different times in our lives. Look for the lessons that speak to you, and shelve the others.

In summary, be logical and think for yourself. There is no Enlightened One because no one can enlighten’ themselves out of the human experience. Go on your journey with clear eyes. Happy travels!

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