Treatment of Physical Injuries vs Emotional Injuries

Imagine your friend or loved one being in an accident and having broken their back or even worse, they are in a coma. What were your gut reactions on how to help and support them? I would imagine showing up and being there with them, praying with and for them. If they had broken their back or something, maybe fixing them dinner, cleaning their house, bringing them magazines, keeping them company. If they are in a coma and can’t relay what the want or need you might just show up and be there for them as an emotional support of some sort. People, when suffering from physical ailments or injuries get instant support and attention. Prayer, flowers, cards, hospital or home visits, simply asked how they are and checked in on. Heck, even women that have given birth have other women rally around them and have meals supplied, houses cleaned, errands run, assistance.

Now imagine a friend or loved one being suicidal. What were your gut reactions on how to help and support them? Personally, they would be all the same things as those that have suffered from a physical trauma. I am here to tell you that is not usually the case. Many of us are like someone in a coma. Often we do cannot or do not know what it is that we need. We may not be able to ask for it. In many cases, we don’t even know what it is we need because if we did, we would have asked before we got to that point. We may have asked before and the request was ignored or denied and we don’t have the strength to ask again for fear of being rejected or turned away. We are so completely full of confusion and despair that we can’t find the words or even comprehension of what we need. For many it is like being in a fog, others feel like we are drowning and grasping for anything and everything we can just to survive, to find meaning and hope. When people in our lives do nothing, what we are hearing and feeling is… WE DON’T MATTER. What we are going through doesn’t matter.

What we do not need is someone trying to teach us lessons right then. Would you tell someone with an amputated arm to just get up and will their way to being able to cook dinner or fend for themselves? No, you assist them and help them, give them time to heal and process this event. It’s no different for those that have recently been or are currently suicidal! Yes, what we are going through is going to take us learning to see the value in who we are for ourselves, for us to find the will to live, to learn to ask identify and ask for what we need or want. Now is not the time.

We DO NOT need you to psychoanalyze us or tell us what we need to change or fix or face. That is not your job, place, or right. That is the job of our trained and paid professionals so unless you are one of those… back off. You are not trained in knowing if or what medications we should be taking. You are not trained in knowing if or what herbs and supplements to take. You have not walked in our shoes or lived our lives which means you are not trained in knowing what it is we truly need.

What we do need is for you to simply SHOW UP. Simple common human decency is what we need. Be with us. Pray for us. If the person is willing, pray with us. Check in on us. Text us that you are thinking of us and checking on us. Bring us food because we will forget to or not care to cook or eat.  Do not treat us any differently than you would treat a friend or loved one in physical need.

For those of us going through this and not receiving the care and support we need or want (knowingly or not), know that not everyone is capable, willing or able to provide that level of care or concern. Not everyone has the empathy, compassion, decency, or understanding to be what you need. That is ok. THIS IS NOT A REFLECTION OF WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU DESERVE!!!! This is on them. This is something they will have to live with and answer for. I know it is hard and it sucks and it feels like people don’t care. This is not the case. They don’t and God willing never will understand since they have not been there. Yes, some of it is just common human decency but not everyone will see that or get that either. It may be fear or confusion or whatever but it is theirs to own and carry. Not us. All we can do is take care of ourselves, reach out to those that are deserving and capable of our trust and reliance, be there for those in need, and educate as many people as we can. SHOW UP, STAND UP, SPEAK UP.

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