“Reality television” has the reputation for being a misnomer, in that it doesn’t represent reality. The thought is that it’s full of staged moments, over the top drama, and unrealistic circumstances. (Hard core fans would disagree, of course.) However, the recent seasons of the Bachelor and Bachelorette actually do teach a few lessons about love in real life.
You don’t have to be “the ideal contestant” to find your partner.
There’s often talk about how to make yourself “the perfect candidate” to find a boyfriend/girlfriend. How do I make myself more attractive? What do men/women want in a partner? What am I doing to turn people off from dating me? All of these questions are understandable, but ultimately are futile to ask. As the Bachelorette taught us, there’s no formula to finding your match. Every past season of the show predicted that the “best” candidate would be a 31 year old named Ben from Denver who works in insurance. Becca chose a 29 year old named Garrett from Reno who works as a medical sales rep. Even in the case of reality television, there’s no perfect man or woman. It all comes down to you being the unique match to the man or woman for you.
It’s OK to give certain things up for love — just make sure there’s a give and take.
Especially when you’re a very independent person, it can be difficult to let someone in and give something up for another person. It can feel wrong, like you’re losing yourself. When looking at the behavior of the Bachelorettes and their winners, though, it’s clear that making compromises is common and is OK. In all but three of the past seasons, either the Bachelorette or the winner moved from their home to their partner’s to be with them. All that to say: you have to sacrifice certain choices you’d make if you were on your own, but it all balances out. In exchange for these compromises, you have the opportunity to share your life with someone you love who loves you too.
Trust your gut.
We’re all doing our best when it comes to love, and sometimes all you have to rely on to make decisions is your gut. Friends and family can give advice, but ultimately every relationship is a unique case, and it’s impossible to predict the future. If we look at the end of the last season of the Bachelor (which then led to the latest season of the Bachelorette), we find an awkward break up of Arie and Becca, the original winner of the season, which led to him getting back together with Lauren, the original runner up. He cited his poor choice of picking Becca as, essentially, that failed to trust his gut. He didn’t choose Lauren because Becca “seemed like the logical choice.” What we can learn from this is that when your gut is telling you something, trust it. That feeling won’t go away if you choose the option your gut doesn’t want.
Three rules to tell you that there are no steadfast rules when it comes to love. It’s subjective and everyone’s story is different. Don’t get hung up on what you “should” be, don’t be afraid to share your life with someone and give up your life as an island, and, most of all, trust your gut when navigating it all. Love is the best thing we do.
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