Who I Want To Be When We Finally Meet.

A reply to THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO DO WITH YOU.

I’ve known love before, or thought that was the case. I guess only time will tell, for I believe that it is only when we truly love ourselves that we can truly love another.

When we meet, I want to be in that place of having done the work to love myself so that I may love you. I want to love myself so that I do not rely on you for love. But I want to be loved by you just the same. I want you to love yourself so that you will not look to me for love, but I want to love you.

I want to be the woman who knows that good men still exist because she sees the good qualities in every person. I want to have gone deep into my wounds and nurtured them into healing so that when I look at you, I do not judge your actions or assume your intentions, but rather, love your humanness.

I want to have sat many moments alone, uncomfortable with myself, until I learned how to be comfortable with my breath. My curves. My scars. I want to know that I stand alone. That I am defined by my qualities and enhanced by yours, not defined by yours and enhanced by mine. So that should we part, I can still stand alone and feel comfortable, not having lost myself.

I want to look in the mirror daily and know my beauty, intimately, so that when you tell me of it, I am not shy or meek or insecure or do not get a big head, but can accept your sweet and truthful words. I want to be so in love with my body that I can make love with it without worry. Fully giving myself into the moments of pure passion. I want my love of my body to extend outward when I touch yours, filling what space is left between us.

And I want to know my worth. Deeply. So that when you need time or space or say something that hurts, I won’t recoil into a heap of lack. And when I need space, or time, or say something that hurts, I will be able to request it kindly and apologize sincerely. There will be communication from love. Because I will know my value and yours.

I have long not been this woman and spent many years unfolding into her. And so my love, when you come to me, I will be ready.

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