Why I Smoke Pot

I started smoking marijuana, because that’s just what you do when you’re thirteen living in San Francisco. I never really loved it. I got too paranoid and would convince myself that everyone knew I was stoned (and hated me for it). But as it goes when you’re in high school, I felt like it was a thing to do so when it came out at parties, I usually partook and mostly hated it (Clearly, I had a very healthy relationship with it).

It wasn’t until college that I started actually paying attention to what I was smoking, how much I was smoking and in what context. Then, when I moved back home and got my medical card, I started actually taking the time to learn about what I was inhaling (or ingesting). It wasn’t until I started educating myself about pot, that I realized, I actually loved it! I loved it when I was alone or with my closest friends. I loved it when I didn’t smoke too much, and loved it a little more when I stuck to head highs over sinking-into-the-couch highs.

There are plenty of reasons not to smoke weed, but I smoke because it helps slow things down for me. I’ve always lived my life with this giant wall– trying to be harder, stronger, badass, whatever. I felt like I needed to be this way to survive. But smoking weed helped me be softer. It helped me realize that I didn’t have to live so intensely. And trust me, I’m working on finding that softness in sobriety, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use pot to help me find it when I need it.

Marijuana helps me be a better dog mom, girlfriend, and me. I am calmer, I am kinder to myself, and I am happier. Smoking helps me be more patient and open and reminds me what it means to really be present. It helps lighten the load without numbing me out, and it helps me connect to parts of myself that I love. (Like the parts of me that want to be silly, color, or roll around on my yoga mat). It’s one of the only drugs that relieves my chronic stomach pain, and one of the only drugs that doesn’t leave me angrier the next day. I’ve realized that smoking pot works for me, and truly, that’s all that matters.

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