Is honesty or nice-ness the best policy?

Via on Jan 13, 2010

Just saw this via my tweetstream:

tara stiles

The first option, mindful speech, is sacrosanct in Buddhism (and just about every religious tradition. Hell, everyone knows grandma said if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all).  And I’m horrible at it. I lovvvve saying what I think. I think being honest is the true nice-ness, even if I’m being mean.

So I vote number two, it’s much easier, besides. You?


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10 Responses to “Is honesty or nice-ness the best policy?”

  1. A Hassidic tale says that when God had to choose between justice and compassion, he chose compassion.

  2. Via twitter, her eloquent succinct tweet replies to my post, above:
    @elephantjournal Reflection to understand agreeing out of nice-ness and disagreeing out of unresolved psychology of your own discontent.

    @elephantjournal mindful action guided with compassion for yourself and others leads to honesty.

    @elephantjournal when you have anger and frustration with others you have frustration with yourself. start with reflection and compassion.

    My reply to her third tweet:

    @TaraStiles beautiful, yes, but, in Buddhist tradition, there's the four karmas. Anger can be pure, like mom protecting child.

    Also, this came via Tara earlier, not to me, but I thought it also eloquent:
    Sarcasm & complaints may help you feel better temporarily, but will keep you on a treadmill of misery. Each moment is up to you.

  3. One more from Tara on my anger pure point:
    @elephantjournal anger can be pure, but mostly it is saturated with confusion, discontent, frustration, pity, and misery.

  4. Scott Parker Mast says:

    "Real love means not telling the truth, even when given the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings."-David Sedaris

  5. The Yoga way (at least Kripalu Yoga ala Stephen Cope et al) is not to suppress your feelings, even anger, but to see them with pure awareness, as if from outside yourself–as though your were an objective "witness".

    With this kind of objective awareness, you are very likely to choose a better path when and if you need to speak or act.

    To me this is a far more doable, helpful, and psychologically sound concept that the repression of feelings I was taught growing up Catholic, repression that one also finds in some forms of Buddhism and Yoga.

    My vote was for:

    "Be honest but discerning and diplomatic. Most people don't like or trust a Pollyanna."

    Bob Weisenberg
    http://YogaDemystified.com

  6. The Yoga way (at least Kripalu Yoga ala Stephen Cope et al) is not to suppress your feelings, even anger, but to see them with pure awareness, as if from outside yourself–as though your were an objective "witness".

    With this kind of objective awareness, you are very likely to choose a better path when and if you need to speak or act.

    To me this is a far more doable, helpful, and psychologically sound concept that the repression of feelings I was taught growing up Catholic, repression that one also finds in some forms of Buddhism and Yoga.

    My vote was for:

    "Be honest but discerning and diplomatic. Most people don't like or trust a Pollyanna."

    Bob Weisenberg
    http://YogaDemystified.com

  7. Nonviolent Communication, or at least my limited exposure to it, has made me gag. Or, rather, my experience of Nonviolent Communication caused me to gag; Nonviolent Communication itself is not to blame of course.

    Seriously, I'll look into it more and write something up…interesting stuff. Not my cup of tea, but judgment is too easy when cloaked in my ignorance.

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