Just one degree removed from shaking his genitalia.
Odds are, that gent who just shook your hand didn’t wash his hands after handling himself in the bathroom.
Every time I leave a movie and go to the bathroom, I wash my hands before leaving like the well-trained momma’s boy that I am.
And, every time, I’m horrified—something like 8 out of 10 gents walk straight out without washing their hands, many of them around, say, 40 or 50 or 60 years old.
And every time I think to myself: that’s 50 years of this gent unzipping himself, doing his thing, then going around turning doorknobs and…shaking hands with everyone.
And, every time, for a day or so after, I take to giving every guy the rock or fistbump.
Turns out my informal guesstimate ain’t far off: major studies show that 2/3 men don’t wash their hands after, you know, handling their bits and tackle.
Bad solution: use Purell.
Solution: Put up lots of wash your hands signs with photos of germs and big warnings mentioning swine flu, getting sick, etc. Watch as said signs have little effect.
Better solution: stop shaking hands, stick to the fistbumb, bow, or move right into hugging and smooching (tres Francais).
Best solution: Stop touching anything that anyone might have touched. Stay home, develop OCD.
hot on elephant
July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. Jon Stewart makes first appearance since retiring—”it’s not your country.”