Change. Yay Change!

Via on Jun 25, 2010

Change. The one constant.

…And yet somehow I always find a way to resist it or be shocked by its arrival, as if I have never seen summer turn into fall, or love disintegrate into affection or like, or a setting sun turn the sky a bruised amber. I have seen people come and go. I have seen people die and also be born. I have seen snow fall onto the hood of a car and turn into a puddle. I have seen my nephew who suffers from Prader Wille Syndrome shoot up like a rocket in a few months’ time from the growth hormone shot he takes nightly. And yet, change eludes me.

Some people live for it.

You know them. They are always changing jobs, they cut their hair all the time and aren’t afraid to dye it various colors. They move a lot. They travel. One day they are a painter and the next they are going to law school or teaching yoga. They change their minds. Often.

Do you know me? Have you seen my hair? I have hair down to my waist that I rarely ever cut and when I do, watch out! The way my heart beats out of my chest, you’d think I was scared by someone with a knife in a dark alley, I worked at the Newsroom Café in West Hollywood for over 13 years. 13 years!  I have lived in the same apartment for years.

I like my routines. I like old pictures and old friends (which is probably why I like Facebook so much. I can’t lose anyone with it.) I don’t handle it well when people leave my life, whether it is a break-up of some sort or they move away or they die.

The rational part of my brain knows that this change thing is all part of life. But my subconscious brain, I suppose, wants things to stay status quo.

Or maybe that is not true. Maybe it is just the process of it that fascinates me. I am in awe of the things that cause change. The forces,  the natural, apocryphal, that cause us to evolve- the catalysts, those things working in our favor. The impetus for us metamorphose, to mutate and transform. I am fascinated by all of it.

Really? Another year has gone by? It’s June, again?  Really, I actually have lines on my face? I am married? Some of my friends have children? My father died?

Ah, it all boils down to that. When things shift, or change shapes, an old part of me panics. The part of me that lost my dad at a young age.  You must understand that none of this is a conscious belief. Somewhere in the burrows of my soul, I believe that if I can just keep things the way they are , if I can just not touch anything, not move anything, then things will be fine. My father will not die. All will be well.

I just got back from leading a retreat with the incredible duo Jana and Miranda Saunders. This is what they do. They help you shift your unconscious patterns so that you may be able to access and manifest all that you want in life. In fact, their favorite saying is ” Yay change!”

When I was younger, I couldn’t visualize the future simply because my dad died so young that it was hard for me to imagine my own self at 30. or 35. When someone would ask me what I wanted to do when I was older, or even in a few years time, I always felt stumped. It wasn’t like I was imagining my own death or anything morbid like that but I could not imagine any future for myself. All I saw was fog. I never understood why of course.

Well, I no longer have to try and visualize myself as 30 or so ( I shall stay vague). I made it.

( A sigh of relief).

I still have my moments. I cut my hair a few inches yesterday actually. Just a few. I woke this morning grasping for the hair that was missing. It took a few moments to realize that I was still whole. I was still breathing. The change didn’t affect me in my core. I am still me. I am still alive. It really is just a lesson in non-attatchment. A lesson I am learning daily and relaying to my students as best as I can.

I am learning to embrace change. My internal programming I have been computing since childhood can be undone.

I am going to declare it today: Yay change!  It does not have to equal sadness and chaos.

It can be the butterfly.

Excerpt from my poem “Sculpting”

We change shapes and figures over and over again.

We exchange one body for the next, one precious

Stone for a different one.

One pleasure for another.

About Jennifer Pastiloff

"Thank you Jennifer, for shining your light on mine." ~ Christy Turlington. / Jennifer Pastiloff, as featured on Good Morning America, is a lover of life, laughter, poetry, yoga, Modern Family (and a really good glass of wine.) She is the creator of Manifestation Yoga®, which is all about causing serious breakthroughs in your life without being too serious. Her rule of “If you fall you must laugh ” is strictly enforced in her yoga classes. / Jennifer teaches this inspirational style of yoga all over but her home base is in Los Angeles. She travels the world teaching workshops and leading retreats. When Jen's nephew Blaise was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Prader Wille Syndrome (PWS), it prompted her to start GAME Yoga. Gifts And Miracles Everyday: Free Yoga for Kids w/ Special Needs. / Jen is in the process of writing a book about how to manifest your life, one laugh at a time. She is partially deaf and wears hearing aids. / Jennifer spent 13 years working in the same restaurant and believes that everyone should have a job in the service industry at least once in their life. (It’s good for the soul, she says.) / Learn more about her at jenniferpastiloff.com. Her blog is Manifestation Yoga. Follow her on Facebook and on Twitter.

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14 Responses to “Change. Yay Change!”

  1. Allan says:

    I love this article. Change can be scary, but often it is both wanted and needed. One thing never changes, and that is that change is inevitable.

  2. Becky DeMarie says:

    Jennifer, did you write this article with me in mind? We are moving to Florida and packing up the condo. As I look through my drawers and find every card and letter my husband has ever written to me: I realize that I want things to stay like they are. Change is scary. I am learning many lessons. But, the lesson of non-attachment is very important right now. So my new mantras will be, “Ya change” and “Just say NO to status quo”.

  3. I tried change. The beautiful thing is that you never really know how it will all transform. I have to go with it everyday and remind myself how much talent I have to make things happen, be patient and good results will arive.
    I am brave and scared sometimes. So what. Everyday is life. How youreact to the life you have created is your life. Your reaction is the life. Go with it. You really don't have a choice. Because your life is right now weather you like it or not. "Yay change, Yay challenge, Yay problems, Yay life, Yay people, Yay love….Ouch…Oh yea I must be alive. thank God!"

  4. Terry Guinn says:

    When I was 25 or so, I couldn't see myself living to far into the future because of a gunshot wound and an unhealthy lifestyle. Now almost 51 with kids of my own, I embrace change and hope to continue being a part of it and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

  5. Tiffany says:

    Thank you for sharing! I enjoyed reading this, and I really appreciate your honesty.

  6. Thanks Jennifer…it's easy to read your articles, our minds seem in sync!

    • Jo Linda Van Haren says:

      Loved this article! I too have had times in my life when I wanted to keep everything and everyone still and unmoving in space and time. I was afraid of being left, of age , of death, of failure and a million unknowns! Now I find that I am finally able to embrace change, to live in the moment ( sorry about that cliche) and to accept each new challenge in each new day with a sense of wonder and even graditude! I make plans but they are no longer hard and fast, I step into the stream of things and go with the flow. I keep a sense of humor above all else(never take myself too seriously) and enjoy my fellow living creatures. Life is awesome! Last night I received word that a friend of mine had just died of cancer. Today I spent the day with a friend that I haven't seen in 30yrs and had a blast! Life happening all around me…Yea change! BRING IT!

  7. Katy says:

    change is terrifying! But I guess so is stagnation. I love learning more about your journey and being reminded that growth = living. The animals, trees, bees, and flowers are going for it. They're not afraid, why should we be… YAY CHANGE!

  8. Jen says:

    Just thinking about change has my teeth clenched. I actually prayed last night that things would stay just as they are right now but I wouldn't be who I am without both positive and negative changes, in fact the most painful changes offer the most opportunity for growth.

  9. Hi I came across this forum on Google. Just wanted to introduce myself and commend the admin’s for a community superbly done!

    Looking forward to participating here,

    Rebecca :)

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