Yes, I am indeed referencing…Def Leppard.
Now the song is in your head. You’re welcome.
But seriously, it’s the truth. When it comes to matters of the heart, there’s always potential suffering involved. It’s a wonderful feeling, being in love, but love can change, especially if you get complacent.
Like the Buddha said, “nothing is permanent.” People grow and change…and sometimes they grow together…and sometimes they grow apart.
Opening the heart
If a relationship has ended, we may have a hard time opening our heart back up and “getting back on the horse” so to speak. If the wound is fresh, there may be a real fear of rejection. We may feel we don’t deserve to be loved due to our shortcomings as a person and ability to show love. We may throw up some walls and won’t let anyone get too close, again, due to fear.
I’m going to be…candid here. In my own case, I feel I have a lot of love to give and want to be loved back, but there is a fear of rejection I have to work on overcoming—not by constantly hitting on women—but by having the confidence to face rejection. Like they say about the lottery, “you can’t win if you don’t play!”
Also, due to some health issues, it’s a vicious circle for me. I have a heart condition, and have been scared to find that special someone, fall in love again, then end up dying and leave them with the pain of losing me. It wouldn’t be fair to be the cause of that suffering. I know I should have the confidence to open up my heart, and not sell myself short by not allowing love to enter my life, so that’s something else to work on, it’s a process.
Empowering the heart
They (whoever “they” are) say the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over, expecting different results.
When it comes to matters of the heart, we need to pay attention to the lessons we learn from a relationship that ends. Maybe there was co-dependency involved. We sacrifice who we are to try and make our partner happy (keyword: try). Maybe we always say yes when we really mean no, so as not to rock the boat—you know, the old “I’m happy if you’re happy.”
We can’t let others control our happiness and we can’t control theirs. True love is wanting that person to have the utmost happiness, but that does not equate to you or I having the power to determine whether that happens or not. We can’t accept that burden.
This is a big subject, and I’m only scratching the surface, but these are some thoughts I’ve had lately, and I wanted to share them. I know it’s not very hardcore metal, especially referencing Def Leppard like I did—so here’s some Pantera to hopefully redeem myself!
Pantera, “This Love”
Keep it Metal,
Brandon Glasgow is a born and bred California dude who enjoys microbrews, blasting heavy metal, and chain-smoking Camels. Although every once in a while, he would rather have a glass of merlot and bump some Miles Davis while smoking a nice Macanudo. He doesn’t surf, but he enjoys long walks on the beach. Brandon has previously written for an underground metal webzine and is now documenting his thoughts and random musings about his relatively new spiritual path on his blog, Metal Buddha. You can follow him on Twitter if you’d like.
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. Reading This Takes Guts. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD.