It’s gift-giving season, and this post is for all you non-yogis out there. The ones that are heading into the last week before Christmas filled with stress because you still have no gift for your wife/brother/partner/dad/best friend who loves all things yoga. On the one hand it is a wonderful opportunity to supply him/her with a yoga arsenal – books, props, music, etc. – to support their yogic endeavors. On the other hand, yoga and all things yoga is like a freaking foreign language to you. You just don’t know where to begin.
In an effort to help narrow down your options, I have compiled a list of ten things NOT to purchase for your favorite yogi for Christmas. Here they are, in no particular order:
10. The Inappropriate Neti Pot
You’ve heard your lovely little yogi talking all about wanting a neti pot, a nasal cleansing device which you can learn more about here. While this would make a wonderful and affordable stocking stuffer, be aware there are certain neti pots (like the one pictured above) shaped more like something one might “stuff” elsewhere, if you catch my drift. So, for the love of all things ho-ho-holy, skip the phallic neti pots and stick with the more traditional version which is made with white ceramic and looks more like a teapot. Like here.
9. A Stinky Mat
A new yoga mat is a fantastic gift idea. But, unfortunately, a lot of them smell. In fact, “smelly yoga mat” yields nearly 300,000 results on google. Yeah, it’s that big of a deal. All yoga mats have a little bit of a smell, but some are worse than others. I would suggest a mat made from natural rubber – still has an odor, but it isn’t overwhelming and fades quickly. Bottom line: put your sniffer to the test this holiday season.
8. Trippy Meditation Glasses
Your daughter has recently started a meditation practice. You’re not really sure what this means, but back when you were growing up meditation sometimes meant hippies and acid trips. You thought you might encourage a substance-free meditation practice with these neat glasses you saw online. Stop. Put the credit card away and opt instead for a beautiful meditation pillow or zafu (my friend makes some cool ones here). Not only do these “Trip Glasses” reflect a total misunderstanding of meditation, but they come with the following warning: “Rapidly blinking lights may cause seizures.” Now that’s freaky, man!
7. Geri Haliwell’s Yoga DVD
What the?! Baby Spice has her own yoga DVD!? Apparently, some time this year Geri Haliwell, the former Spice Girl, came out with a yoga DVD entitled “Geri Yoga”. According to last week’s edition of the U.K.’s The Daily Mail, “Geri Yoga” was ranked one of the year’s ten worst celebrity fitness DVDs. Skip this one, Bub.
6. Man Yogi Shorts
Can’t figure out what to get your favorite Man Yogi? I know, Man Yogis are notoriously hard to shop for. In part because there is not a whole lot out there geared specifically to men. And what is out there can be a little…confusing. I can just imagine you searching for that perfect gift for said Man Yogi, it’s a little late at night, too much web surfing is making you a little nutty (pardon the pun) and you just don’t know what looks good anymore. What I’m trying to say is…those little speedo-ish yoga shorts you’re contemplating? No. Guys shouldn’t wear sausage casings to a yoga class. Period. Why? Let me set the stage: crowded class + prasarita padottanasana (a.k.a. wide-legged forward fold) = I think you get the idea.
5. Cat Yoga Stuff
I can imagine your dilemma. Your favorite Yogini really loves her cat. She also really loves yoga. Here’s the thing: the two things often collide in very creepy ways. Remember the whole dogs playing poker painting? Kind of like that. So this year, leave the yogi cat thing off of your list of things to get her for Christmas.
4. Dog Yoga Stuff
You can pretty much apply everything I said above to dog yoga things. Sorry.
3. Doga Gift Certificate
And for that matter, “doga“. Your boyfriend’s local yoga studio offers “doga” – partner yoga for people and their…dogs. Skip it, and opt instead for a 10-class package…for people.
2. F*CK YOGA Flip Flops
Okay, I personally think these flip flops are awesome. However, some yogis are verrrrrrry serious. And unless your yogi has a wicked sense of humor, take these bad boys off the list.
1. Yoga Snail
I’m not even sure what it is, but its the creepiest thing I’ve seen in years. Steer clear.
So, yogis, what did I leave off of the list? What yoga gifts should your loved ones steer clear of? For that matter, what are you hoping to see under the tree this year? Better comment now, Christmas is right around the corner!