Best Valentine’s Present Ever: Vaginal Steam Bath. Seriously.

Via on Feb 11, 2011

Mugwort and Wormwood may not exactly be buzzwords for romance…

…but when you boil them in water along with a variety of other herbs, place the steaming concoction beneath an open seated stool, sit your loved one atop this throne, and then carefully aim the brew’s steam up at her vagina, well, now you’re making fireworks.

This year for Valentine’s day show her you love her with one simple word: Chai-yok. Also known as: vaginal steam bath.

The vagina is no laughing matter—especially on Valentine’s day—and steaming the vajayjay is also no joke. The Eastern remedy has been around for hundreds of years, and after a 30 minute steam session nothing else will make your lady’s vagina feel finah’. Nice hearty Chai-yoks cut stress, fight infection, are great for hemorrhoids, regulate menstrual cycles (but not mood swings) and may even make your sugarplum more fertile, which depending on your relationship status is either or a good thing, or an accident waiting to happen.

Women love to know you are thinking about them, so let her know you’re thinking about every single part of her, every…single…part.

Women love originality, so you can either show up at her door like every other guy carrying flowers and chocolate, or you can come bearing an open seated stool, a tea kettle, and the aforementioned mugwort and wormwood concoction. If she’s confused by your choice of gift explain to her that Chai-yoks are about succulence, celebration, and worship. The vagina deserves such adoration and glorification. Vaginas rule the world because all the men who think they rule the world are actually spending most of their day thinking about women.

Roses wither and fade, the pleasure from chocolate is fleeting, but Chai-yoks are practical and versatile. All you need is a heat source and a sturdy flat surface and you’re good to go. Chai-yoks aren’t gender specific. A guy can join in the fun just as easily, and if she loves the gift as much as you hope, you’re probably going to want to be nice and clean for her.

Just picture it, the two of you, Chai-yok’n it up, your eyes meet through the steamy haze, herbal hints of wormwood fragrance mingle with the mugwort’s humid aroma, you’re both warm and wet, naked from the waist down, and already so close to the floor. Chai-yok . . . it’s a sure thing.

Vaginal steam baths, while popular in Korea, have not yet seeped into the mainstream American female consumer’s mind, a slot almost as coveted as the actual target of the steam. As a result V-Steams are only available in select spas in California or in the back rooms of holistic healers around the country, which is about every other house here in Boulder.

Fortunately do-it-yourself Chai-yok kits do exist and are available HERE. So good luck, and remember, walk tall and carry an open seated stool.

For those of you in the beginning stages of a relationship who may not feel comfortable jumping from a first or second date right to vaginal steam baths, below is a list of suggestions:

About Jimmy Gleacher

Jimmy Gleacher is the author of three books and movie. He is currently working on his fourth book, THE YOGA TERRORIST. He lives in Boulder, Colorado. For more information please visit his website, jimmygleacher.net.

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29 Responses to “Best Valentine’s Present Ever: Vaginal Steam Bath. Seriously.”

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jack Daw, Red Fox. Red Fox said: Best Valentine’s Present Ever: Vaginal Steam Bath http://bit.ly/gJBC0e [...]

  2. Tamara says:

    Really disrespectful on a lot of levels.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Hunh. Not sure I see the offense. Seems like a nice, if…unusual…gift for established couples. And Jimmy's humor is great. I like humor with my wellness and spiritual articles, please! ~ Waylon

      • Tamara says:

        out with a bunch of women last night~all agreed it's just not funny ~ it's an ancient healing practice and it feels disrespectul coming from a man.

        • Tamara says:

          You know~i was thinking more about this and the subject of humor came up yesterday at coffee. I've always thought that nothing is off limits when it comes to humor. And~Jimmy is funny and well written. I know he meant no harm and he's a respectful lover of the female species. But here's my question and I'm thinking of writing about this soon…When does humor cross a line? Jews can joke about Jews but when a non Jew jokes about Jews it can feel disrespectful. Same with any ethnic minority. Blacks can use the N word but if a non black uses that word it's offensive. If a man loses his prostate and can't get it up anymore yet jokes about it, it can be funny. Have a woman joke about it and it can feel cruel.
          I think that is where the reaction comes from. … I saw the Vagina Monologues last night and was struck by the humor and the pain we all collectively feel from disrespect throughout the generations. As a lover of men, I don't express my distaste of this piece thinking anyone is purposely being disrespectful but so many women are tired of disrepectful jokes around the big V. Had a woman written this it might have felt funny. I don't know. Am i being over sensitive or is it just that old rule that it's funny if you know it personally (ie: jews, ethnic groups, men, women, etc) but offensive if you're on the outside making the jokes?
          Regardless, I'm a fan of Jimmy's writing just not this one.
          T

    • AngelaRaines says:

      Oh, please.

  3. Maria says:

    Just bring me chocolate, thanks.

  4. marina says:

    not funny.

  5. Padma Kadag says:

    Hard to quote the Buddha on this one

  6. April says:

    If this idea was present by someone who actually HAS a vagina, and from a place of seriousness and respect, I might consider it. But when presented in this manner, it's a major turn-off!

  7. Vaginal steams have been used by many cultures for thousands of years to help relieve serious female pelvic pain vaginal steams have been used by many cultures for thousands of years to help relieve serious female pelvic pain disorders such as pelvic floor dysfunction, vestibulitis, vulvodynia, bladder pain, and more.

    These syndromes are all extremely painful, often disrupt a womans sex life, some women are in so much pain that they can’t even sit down. Herbal vaginal steams help relieve that pain. Most women do steams at home, and yes, by placing a pot of steaming herb water into the toilet or by using special steam chairs.

    I would ask skeptics to consult with women who have these painful syndromes, who do the steams regularly and inquire about the change in their quality of life and I bet you will surprised by their positive reports about how much better their quality of life is since they began steaming their lovely and (deserve to be pain-free) yonis.

    That said, I do NOT think a man should randomly purchase a vaginal steam gift certificate for his honey for Valenine's day. However, he could honor and respect her vajay-jay by eating her honey pot for a considerable amount of time, and don't forget to hum while you suck her clit. THAT is a GREAT gift ANY DAY of the year!

    Be Well,
    Juliette Aiyana, L.Ac., Herbalist, Author

  8. tim says:

    I think some people are taking this too seriously, as it is obviously tongue in cheek humor. The references at the bottom all tie in to my favorite radio show. I think this was done to make Robin laugh. Well Done Jimmy….

  9. thill says:

    run! run!

  10. 13thfloorelevators says:

    This should just be rewritten using cues from Bend Over Boyfriend. Then it would be funny.

  11. AlpineLily says:

    I agree with Tamara. Author was not witty and was taking a ancient wellness practice and turning into a frat-boy with his "it's a sure thing" quip and other immature vagina comments.

    Funny how EJ claims to be respectful to all but can put out juvenile articles like this.

    • 13thfloorelevators says:

      Well, yeah. "The vagina is no laughing matter," simply presumes anyone, i.e., the author, thought it ever was or ever could be. Count down 'til he posts, "my bad" in 3. . . 2. . .

      • Jimmy says:

        If we don't see things the same way that's great, differing viewpoints make life interesting and enlightening. If this article offended you and/or ancient healing practices then I guess we see things differently.

        • 13thfloorelevators says:

          Good god, who taught you to think like that?

          "Liberal relativism has its roots in the natural right tradition of tolerance or in the notion that everyone has a natural right to the pursuit of happiness as he understands happiness; but in itself it is a seminary of intolerance."
          –Leo Strauss

        • 13thfloorelevators says:

          You realize this is why America is a mediocracy at this point, no?

          • Dolly Lommah says:

            I agree!!! When people take themselves too seriously and lose their sense of humor we are all in big trouble…

  12. helene_rose says:

    I honestly find this odd coming from a man, yet thankful that it was brought to our attention. Perhaps a woman out there can share in a column on the subject?

  13. Beth says:

    I'm with Juliette, perhaps she could rewrite this article.

  14. piles hemorrhoid says:

    What’s up, just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your post and I will definitely check out that medicine. I heard about it already, and I was just wondering what you had to say about it. Thanks for your review on Hemclear.

  15. H_BeautyProject says:

    This is funny and informative. You people need to lighten up. Good grief.

  16. Nichols says:

    Do I have anal warts? I've developed a couple of small white bumps around my anus. They are small and flexible. Do you know if these are warts, or maybe something else? I'm leary of seeing the doctor because it's embarassing. My cousins friend used this product Hemorrhoid Control from ForcesOfNature. He says it cured very well. Anyone tried that? Thanks for your help.

  17. Looked over this site and bought a steam shower and never looked back, fantastic content here cant say thanks enough

  18. 13thfloorelevators says:

    "God Bless America."

    Are you one of those ppl who believes that "Freedom" in America actually has anything to do with what you're talking about? You have the freedom to be a rational person. You do not have the freedom to say and do whatever the fuck you want.

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