“Real Housewives” Comes to Boulder. {April Fools’ edition}

Via on Apr 1, 2011
Photo: Molas

Boulder, Colorado, has been selected as the next location to host Bravo’s widely acclaimed Real Housewives series. Proudly joining the Housewives dynasty, Real Housewives of Boulder is slated to premier this month, this time with a new twist on the old formula. Rather than casting women who run in more or less the same social circle, “We want to try to capture Boulder’s pretentiousness from several different communities, as opposed to just one” says Housewives producer Jan Forrest.

Photo: Eugene Wineblat

“Just dairy, eggs, meat, wheat, gluten, nuts, soy and caffeine” answers Earthe Goldman, when asked to name the foods she avoids. The conversation began on the subject of the show, but almost immediately shifted to Goldman’s eating habits and spiritual practices.

Goldman says that her Acupuncturist. Psychic, and Guru all encouraged her to pursue an opportunity in reality television, but she still wavered between participation in Housewives, and another Boulder-based reality show – Survivor: Co-op. Goldman ultimately decided to join the cast of Housewives due to apprehension about her potential castmates on Survivor: Co-op. “Some hippies can be really over-the-top and pretentious. But I’m really excited to be on Housewives because of the opportunity to share my spirituality with the other women, and help them to get more in touch with their inner goddesses. I would love if they would let me read their aura for them. I’m really good at balancing people’s Chi. ”

Photo: Alex E. Proimos

“Earthe is totally bananas,” balks Melissa Banks when asked to comment on Goldman, the so-called “crunchy granola housewife.” “I’m pretty sure she actually thinks she’s going to be reincarnated as like, Muhammad Ali or something.” When asked if she herself believes Eastern-based spiritual practices are silly, Banks squeals, “No! No! No! Oh my god, not at all. I looooooooove yoga.” Banks attends classes at CorePower Yoga in North Boulder, and says it helps manage the stress that accompanies days spent “meeting the girls for lunch, shopping, going to cafés – you know, that sort of thing.” Behind her back, the other housewives have dubbed Banks “the Trustafarian” as she comes from a long line of wealthy Boulder residents who “have never worked a day in their lives.”

Photo: The Rich Brooks

“On weekends you can usually find me on my road bike – in full racing gear, of course. Either that or my husband Bill and I will load the kids and Luka, our lab mix into the Subaru, and drive up to Chautaqua or [Mount] Sanitas.” says Amanda Lawson with a grin. She’s the self-proclaimed “Health-nut Super Mom” of the bunch. Managing a local Non-profit during the week, she likes to relax on the weekends by being extremely active. “I love bringing Sophie and Erin to yoga classes with me, or to The Spot. But you know, people around here can be so uppity sometimes. They just don’t seem to understand that highly-structured, adult-centered exercise is really good for young children.”

Photo: Ggvic

Lana Price is the show’s fourth cast member. She wasn’t available for comment before this article went to press as she and her partner are overseas, completing an adoption for a “trendy…I mean, adorable brown baby.” Price makes her living as a local health and wellness author. Her latest project is a book entitled, “Yoga for Environmentalist Vegan Lesbians.” The book is a bestseller in Los Angeles and Boulder, but for unknown reasons didn’t fare as well in the wider book market.

Despite obvious personality differences – or perhaps because of them, the new season of The Real Housewives Boulder is shaping up to be an exciting one. Watch as the women hike, practice yoga, shop at Patagonia, and drink herbal tea, all while wearing stylish activewear. Tune in for the season premiere, when the women meet for lunch at The Kitchen for a riveting debate over whether or not the new cork cup sleeves featured at The Cup are actually making a difference for the environment.

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Sasha Aronson enjoys yoga, herbal tea, climbing, hiking, and frequenting The Spot,  The Kitchen and The Cup. She is an overall huge fan of Boulder, Colorado.

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4 Responses to ““Real Housewives” Comes to Boulder. {April Fools’ edition}”

  1. Emma Blue says:

    I wish! Well done!

  2. Alice2112 says:

    awesome!

  3. swati jr* says:

    ok. you got me. again.

  4. [...] not all of them but (unfortunately) many of them, tend to go a little berserk. I’m talking Real Housewives berserk. Why is this stuff on television? Why are people televising their bad behavior, and why are [...]

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