Today I got to enjoy many moments of love. Pure, unadulterated bliss, harmony, and peace. I felt today that I was Love, and a joy permeated my body and soul in a way that made me feel as if I was one with the entire universe. I could feel the creation inside me…life anew in the universe created in and all around me.
I meditated this morning before dawn, lying in bed absorbing all that was around and in me. I felt light and completely content with where this moment had me…and then the next…and then the next. Each moment passed me by like clouds on a breezy spring day. I took them in and let them go. I loved each of them and missed them not as they faded into what was to allow what is.
It is in such joy that I can see the experience of my life that brought me to the summit of this Mountain of Bliss. At such heights, I can look around and survey all that was without needing to relive those moments. This spot allows you to reflect without becoming the reflection, feel without being the feeling, see without the attachment to and creating what you see as what you are.
From this vantage point, I could see the storm brewing. I could hear the screams, the smacks, the callous “I did this because I love you.” I could hear a young boy crying for the pain to end. I could see a lonely, dejected soul just trying to fit in. I could see a mother beating her son into submission. I could hear the prayers for it all to end.
I could see an adolescent boy wondering if he could stop the storms that raged in his mind. I could feel his torment at the bruises and the welts forming on his body. I could sense the agony of isolation and unending feeling of contempt he felt others had for him. I could see him on his knees begging God to “let this cup pass from me” only to have His will be done. I could see the look in her eyes as she struck out with leather, hand, fist, or any other object that could get the job done.
I could see the violence invade his soul, shutting down the once loving and kind boy as he grew into a violent and angry man. I could see the damage left in his wake, the blood, the pain, the fear and the anger. The river of anger never ceased in this man’s mind; it flowed freely and often flooded his body with contentment at having shared this pain with another in the most violent and angry of ways.
I could also see the tears form in the eyes of those this man loved. He needed control. He thirsted for power. He was afraid of it all. I could hear the sobs of those who wanted so desperately to love him. I could see him abusing their desire for him, taking them into the depths of passion and then discarding them once the wave had subsided. They would need him, but he would never need them.
I could see all of this from my summit. A smile crested from my lips as tears streamed down my face. In this moment of reflection I could see it all, and it all could see me. The boy looked at me, and he smiled too. “I will endure all of this for you”, he said. “I will suffer so that you may live. I will bear the brunt of all of this because I love you. Forgive them for they know not what they do.”
I noticed the young man looking at me. “I will endure this all for you”, he said. “I will suffer in spite of myself, and will see such pain in the eyes of those I love so that you will always remember me. I will bear the brunt of all that is because I have faith in you. Please forgive me, for I know not what I do.”
I wanted so desperately to hug them and to tell them it would be alright. “Don’t worry”, I shouted, “time will change the world and you will be loved and you will love!” But they had vanished, gone with the moment as if like clouds on a breezy spring day. Yet I knew they knew, for I lived in them and they, in turn, lived in me. The hand that now caressed in love once shattered in anger. The lips that speak love’s clear truth once spoke fear’s distorted lies. The back that once bore the scars of a soul lost now supports the hugs of love and peace. The arms that once pushed away everything now embraced it all.
In my mind I see that boy and I thank him. He bore the worst of others to allow me to be. He suffered so that I may know now. He was not fragile or weak, he was my best teacher and my closest friend. I love him and he loves me, for the first time we love ourselves. Yes, little boy, I have forgiven them.
I see that man and I thank him. He created the worst of himself for others and lived with the worst in himself so that I may see. He knew such things so that I could experience what it is I am not. He took the punches and gave the beatings so that the scars could remind me of him. I see those scars each time I look in the mirror, and I smile. I love him, and I forgive him, for I could not be me without him.
So today I am at the summit, enjoying the view from the mountaintop. I had to climb to get here, and I now realize I am not done. My path heads in a direction I cannot yet see. That is not important, however, for right now I am here, and I am Love.
©2011 Thomas P. Grasso All Rights Reserved ☮ ℓﻉﻻ٥ ツ
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. A Letter to my Children: You do not come from a Broken Home. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. Mom, can I Call her Mom, Too? An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. Jon Stewart makes first appearance since retiring—”it’s not your country.”