My friend was referring to the things we tell ourselves and what well meaning friends and family tell us about being single. This is some of what they say:
“You will meet someone.”
“Isn’t it fun to meet so many people? Go so many places?”
“It will happen.”
“It will happen when you are least expecting it.”
Okay. The thing is, being single is fun—sometimes. I remember when I was beginning what would become a long-term relationship and I had this long sigh one day and my girlfriend asked, “What is it?”
I said, “Well, now that we are together I will have to tell you when I am going to the hardware store. (Not, to be honest, that I ever go to the hardware store. I used this odd example for reasons unknown to me even now). And I kind of like being able to go where I want to what I do without…any checking.”
My girlfriend at the time understood and we both had a moment of grieving the sweet independence of single life.
Then we had sex.
However, sometimes we singles feel low. Okay I’ll speak for myself, sometimes I feel like a hole in the pocket of life where all my wishes are falling away like lost change and gum and hair things. I want some reassurance that I am okay. Alone and maybe, always alone. Admit it, you think it too!
And none of the previous statements help. Because we both know you have no idea if I will meet someone. And right then I am tired of new places and new people. I want someone who knows me, who gets me, and who is gentle and sweet to annoying family members because they love me.
As far as it will happen when you are least expecting it. I always think, “I am a womyn of a certain age, I am always expecting it”. (Full disclosure: in my last long term relationship I was not expecting it).
There is one thing that has helped a small bit. My friend Regina says:
“There’s only one you, Amy.” This one makes me smile a tiny bit. Gives me some hope. However, the rest is all bullshit ’till you meet someone.
What do people say to you about being single that really helps?
A. E. Feucht is a yogini, writer, & explorer who in her non- free time works for a non-profit that serves kids. She tries to be a leader with heart and big ideas. She also attempts to practice daily meditation, becoming a morning person,and driving without distraction and fails at all three. She is a champion of glbtq rights, the power of non-violence, ice cream in all forms, and the smell of lavender. She is still looking for a good nickname, the perfect pair of boots, and a way to read when her eyes are tired. She’d like to learn sign language, how to shut her mouth faster, listen better, how to can things like berries, and more about the stars. She likes to think of herself as having a tiny bit of fashion, excellent taste in books, and movies and an ability to be really present…sometimes. She is most proud of being a hip Aunt, a deep friend, and a parent to two kitties and a near perfect golden retriever /Border collie pup, who seems smarter than most people. If you want to find her she might be at the library giving them a 30 titled book list to carry to her beat up Honda. She is a grand cook, at any decent “a person who has a dream and opens a shop” particularly but not limited to, a coffee shop, by the sea, at Camp Little Notch. You may also find her on her yoga mat or maybe on a walk with her Pup at her side, singing her own song written with silly lyrics and sung without one hint of a tune anyone would recognize, but she likes that just fine.