Unrequited love, the video. {NSFW}

Via on Sep 28, 2011

Louis CK will break the heart of every genuine man who watches this.

If you love a girl and she doesn’t love you back, that’s not love. You’re looking at your own projection & chasing something she’s not.

~

I’ve been there. You’ve been there. If you haven’t been there, you’re not human. Many women, in my dating life, have loved and wanted me. Often, I haven’t loved or wanted them back. Many women, in my dating life, I’ve loved and wanted. Often, they haven’t loved or wanted me back. And when two people love and want one another at the same time? Luck. But it doesn’t last. That’s not real love.

Real love is non-aggression: not pushing your projection or love onto someone else, or if you’re on the receiving end not accepting that push, nor pushing back.

Right now, I have all these sorts of situations in my life. I’m confused. So I don’t do much. I wait until there seems to be a genuine, open, grounded, uplifted person on the other end. Then I make the call.

Chasing a woman, or a man for that matter, is overrated. Real love doesn’t need to be chased: it needs, simply, to be expressed. And that’s what I respect about Louis CK, here: he expresses it, asks for love in return, doesn’t get it, and is “okay” with that. He doesn’t kick and scream and resent—resentment is, too often, the other side of the coin of putting a woman on a pedestal. Our projections are our responsibilities—no woman, or man, is perfect, or the answer to our loneliness or problems.

True love is even better: it’s real, it’s ordinary, it’s extra-ordinary, it’s every day, it’s…sh***t, I don’t know. It’s many things more that I look forward to finding out about. ~ ed.

Friend-zoned, the video:

YouTube Preview Image

A few relephant comments from Reddit.

…Ending was sad but true. I was waiting for some cliche’ moment where she kisses him then everyone lives happily ever after.

Love ain’t like that. Fucking sucks.

~

This video is proof of what is wrong with a lot of men. She’s never going to love you no matter what. She doesn’t see you like that. You make her feel awkward and uncomfortable trying to fit something that doesnt work, and you put her on this imaginary pedistal that just makes you look silly.

Now shes’ got this chump that gets to follow her around everywhere like a lost puppy, to boost her ego whenever she needs it. Meanwhile you’re wasting precious time of your life putting time and energy into a woman who’s only going to use you to inflate her self worth.

Fuck that.

~

I recommend this: https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Acceptance_and_commitment_therapy

I also recommend working through it with a counselor or therapist or whatever. One that doesn’t suck.

I say these things because you sound like an old me. These things helped me.

Also, some of my realizations: She is not as great as she seems. She will not solve all the problems, even though it seems like she will. It doesn’t work like that. I couldn’t have a healthy relationship until I let go of those ideas and became ok with being single.

~

It’s not more complicated for a depressed person, the solution is the same.

Get the fuck off your couch, stop waiting for the phone to ring, and do something, anything, that makes you happy. And if you don’t know what makes you happy, try paintball guns, or building model airplanes, or writing music reviews, or just anything that sounds like it may be remotely fun in another world.

I was kicked out of my house at 19 for being depressed about codependent relationships, and after not having a place to stay for a week in January in the north east, I said fuck it, moved to Florida, worked in fast food for a few months trying to find a better job, got a better job, have friends, and am farther from where I was a year ago then I’d ever thought I can be.

Every second of if it in the beginning was excruciatingly painful. Could not stop thinking about the people I had left behind, or the people that left me behind, about the girl, the friends, the semester at college that I pissed away, etc. All while working over night shifts at a sonic while looking for other work during the day to keep myself afloat. No car. No financial help from anyone. Every second of that misery was worth it. In fact, I’d suffer twice as much if I had to in order to find the happiness I’ve found today.

Other woman don’t find depressed and codependent men attractive. When I feel like the fucking man, I am the fucking man.

About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now elephantjournal.com & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. elephantjournal.com | facebook.com/elephantjournal | twitter.com/elephantjournal | facebook.com/waylonhlewis | twitter.com/waylonlewis | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom

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11 Responses to “Unrequited love, the video. {NSFW}”

  1. Sara Young Sara Young says:

    I actually find this inspiring. It is great to see vulnerability in the face of rejection. True courage, that is.

  2. Lori says:

    I'm going to mention one book here: "Getting Love Right: Learning the Choices of Healthy Intimacy" by Terrence Gorski. The man is a genius when it comes to stuff like this. For instance, this "conflict" isn't so much about whether the girl loves this guy or not, the thing is, she does As A Friend, and that is one level of relationship, among many. He is negotiating for a different level of relationship, but that is not where she wants to go … And now he can either continue "unrequieted" with her, and with her as "just a friend", and/or he can consider looking elsewhere for a woman who wants the same level of relationship that he does. Yes, it is tough to let people be who they are, and not expect more than they are authentically prepared to give, but it does not mean you Have To sacrifice all of your desires for deeper intimacy, you just have to look elsewhere if the person you are focused on is not interested.

  3. AlwaysUnrequited says:

    I think Louis' video clip speaks for itself without you having to say anything else about it. Your commentary is shallow, cold, unfeeling, and cheapens what Louis CK shows through authentic human behavior so much better than any of the self-righteous and self-congratulatory words you've written. Shut up and let Louis talk.

  4. [...] No bribes, no threats work here, it’s already been broken 50 times. It’s not about what you’re getting. Not at all. It’s only what you give, willingly, without [...]

  5. Just posted to the elephant Love FaceBook Page

    Jennifer Cusano, Editor elephant Love and Relationships
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  6. FinallyRequited says:

    My "Louis" told me the same thing and I fell in love with his honesty, courage and vulnerability. I never would have seen these qualities if he hadn't done the same thing Louis did. It takes a real man to say these things and accept if they aren't returned. The problem is that often we look for shallow boys instead of real men because actually it reflects our own level of romantic depth and love as well. I am so happy with my "Louis" as our relationship is now based on those very qualities and I finally found a real man.

  7. oni says:

    This is a really beautiful video. I know how Louis feels before this convo, and that place really hurts. But I also know how Louis will feel after this video and even though it'll be sore and tender at first, it's gonna feel a whole lot better really soon. So to any women in Pamela's place, please, it might be uncomfortable but give your Louis 5 minutes of your time. Communicate directly, bring closure. You might think he's chasing you down to try to sweep you off your feet and steal your heart but maybe he just wants to give you back that sweater that you left by the door the night he fell in love with you so it doesn't break his heart every time he sees it. He doesn't want to keep thinking about you constantly he just wants to move on with his life. So help him out, shatter his idealized fantasy world for good, it's a service you owe for being so damn cute.

  8. Leenda says:

    The video is no longer available. :( Anyone know where I can find another clip of it or can someone provide a transcript?

  9. [...] hate him because he did it so kindly and with such maturity—which is the reason, of course, why our parting is not mutual. I still love the [...]

  10. [...] a meaningful way. No push or pull or trying to get anyone to do anything or make anyone stay…that’s just ego and projection and John Hughes movie scripts. We have a need to be seen, be vulnerable, to touch and be touched by other [...]

  11. [...] movies and stories, Mercurial relationships often end sadly, as for one reason or another one party “friendzones” the other, or—in more extreme cases—Mercury dies just before or as the Sun realizes the depth [...]

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