Doorgasm: Getting Yogic Satisfaction. ~ Megan Romo

Via on Oct 6, 2011

                                               Photo: Lyn Tally

It might be that the real reason I show up for my Bikram yoga classes has to do with the doors.

I lock my knee in Standing Bow with one eye on the door. I teeter in Triangle, feeling an itch of tension for the portal through which I entered. When I lean back, way back, go back more, fall back in a standing back bend, the glass sliders behind me get my best bedroom eyes.

When I should be zeroing in on my left knee in the mirror, I’m instead dealing with target fixation—yearning for the teacher to open a door and release into the room a rush of cool air from the lobby or courtyard. (Oh yes, folks, my Bikram studio looks out onto a lush courtyard, one with bunnies and quail. When we do sasanagasana we push ourselves to impress the real rabbits peering through the windows. Your jealousy is warranted.)

So okay, obsessing over the doors might be a wimpy way to practice Bikram yoga, but when that brief chill surges across me . . . Oh, my! It’s a very—hmmm, how should I say it?—special feeling; a whole-body tremble I can only describe as a doorgasm.

But lately teachers have been leading us on, denying their group of students this singular, seductive pleasure. While hollering, “Chest down, leg up, chest down, leg up, chest down, leg up,” the teacher meanders toward the door. The implication penetrating our already weak yoga brains seems clear: “Give me more and I’ll give you a mind-blowing release.” So we do it. We push our hips up, hips up, hips up in Rabbit, we thrust harder in Camel, just begging for that release. And then, once we’ve given our all and collapsed into savasana, panting, pleading, and eager, the teacher walks back to the podium, leaving the door shut, her tease having had its desired effect.

Some days it comes down to timing. I get it into my head that whenever that one girl up front kneels down out of fatigue, the teacher is suddenly compelled to open a door, giving me what I want. So as my chest heaves and the sweat courses down my body, I glare fire at the girl, willing her to descend to the mat, signaling to the teacher that it’s time for our gratification. And when that girl up front doesn’t do what I want, when she is the barrier to the suggested thrill that got me into the room, the frustration’s almost too much to bear.

However, maybe the teacher walks over to the door so as not to block a student’s view of the mirror. And maybe it’s just coincidence that the teacher opens the door when the bendy girl gives into exhaustion. I very well may be over-thinking this—as women can be inclined to do when it comes to achieving that wily climax

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Megan Romo gave up a few weeks into yoga teacher training when she realized that she’s too selfish to focus on anyone else’s practice but her own. She’s not ashamed of that anymore. Instead she likes to call it a honed self awareness born of years on the mat. Presently in the throes of an MFA in creative nonfiction, Megan’s decided now’s not the time to kick the diet soda habit. Follow Megan’s whatnot on her blog and keep up on her graphic art on Facebook.


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4 Responses to “Doorgasm: Getting Yogic Satisfaction. ~ Megan Romo”

  1. Tanya Lee Markul Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Hi Megan, I certainly understand this feeling and I'm totally not judging, but it's an easy habit to get into, don't you agree? The idea of just 'doing yoga', but not being full present has it's pro's and con's, in a sense I suppose…you do the class, you still get the exercise aspect of it, but on the other hand, if you want to go deeper into other realms, getting rid of creative ways to pass the time in yoga class and turning attention inward is the biggest challenge.

    Posting to Elephant Yoga on Facebook and Twitter.

    Tanya Lee Markul, Yoga Editor
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  2. Megan Romo Megan Romo says:

    Most certainly, Tanya, the true battle, so to speak, is is that yoking. I find that the greatest benefit of my practice–all the physical rewards aside–is the awareness and patience I gain off the mat. If all this were just an effort in burning calories and bending like putty, the breath and peace would be easy to ignore. But such is not the case. I will say though, that sometimes having those secondary and tertiary reasons for hitting the mat are imperative, even if they sometimes overshadow the ultimate destination, the samadhi, if you will. Whether it’s a rush if cool air, seeing fellow yogis, a new outfit, or itching for a particular asana–sometimes I think we need that extra boost to get us on the mat so we can later experience the benefits of the practice. I’m happy to accept the creative distractions during class as part of the journey. Quite honestly,sometimes just showing up is a part of my practice, since I know of the off-the-mat benefits. I agree that the struggle in this, as in everything, is to lengthen the moments of heightened awareness and diminish the need for extra fluff.

  3. yogatchr says:

    Love your wit Megan Romo :-)

  4. [...] Standing near the door, the Bikram teacher says: Come up, keeping arms and head together. The student thinks: I will give you fifty dollars cash right here, right now to open that effing door. [...]

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