People Who Make Yoga Suck. ~ Brie Doyle

Via elephant journal
on Jan 6, 2012
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Yoga is all about peace. But it can make you realllly mad.

For more: 10 Characters you may Encounter in Yoga Class.

Yoga on its own is amazing.  Really.  But there are plenty of assh*les out there to ensure that it blows goats for the rest of us.  Thank you for making yoga suck:

People who put their mats right in front of you.  I’m talking right the f*ck in front.  I’m glad you made it to your yoga class on time, a little early even.  And good for you for securing a space before the rush.  But seriously?  Apparently yoga hasn’t taught you d*ck about self-awareness.

Teachers who blast techno.  Cool.  So at 40 you are still dropping E and enjoying the rave scene.  Good.  But honestly, I’d rather not pay 17 dollars to watch you trip balls and call it class.  Thanks, though.

Sweaty, hairy back man.  It’s okay to have hair allll over your back, and sweat all over your hair.  You can’t help it.  And you don’t suck quite as much as the rest of the people on this list.  But if I’m honest, it still blows to have you next to me.  Consider bringing extra towels to place around you so your drippings don’t touch my mat please.  Mmm-k?

Naked singing-dancing in the mirror girl.  Yes, you have a nice body.  And yes, you even have a nice voice.  it appears that your personality sucks.  Seriously, it doesn’t take that long to dry your hair while naked.  Step away from the mirror, b*tch.  Also, please don’t talk to me because I can’t continue to pretend I’m looking at your eyes while your ta-tas give me the f*cking stare down.  Christ.

College kids.  Just in general.

The overly loud breather.  Good job cultivating whatever the f*ck you’re cultivating.  We hear you loud and clear.  But you breathing that loud makes me hold my breath.  You’re totally f*cking it up for the rest of us.

White teachers who only speak in Sanskrit.  Look around, Homie.  We’re pretty much all white here. We’re your people.  And no one knows what the f*ck you’re saying.  Save your circus act for someone else.

Thank you, People Who Make Yoga Suck.

Though pretentious yuppies abound in Brie’s home town of Boulder, Colorado, she can’t seem to find another place she’d rather live. But she’s been fortunate enough to try many places. From NYC to New Zealand, SE Asia, Japan, Nepal and India, Brie has traveled the world seeking adventure and stories to share. Pre-babies, she was a middle school teacher and a yoga teacher, but now that she is pumping out children, she stays at home and writes. She has written two novels, one based in India, one based in New York, and she is furiously seeking publication. In the meantime, she can be found making light of life here.


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53 Responses to “People Who Make Yoga Suck. ~ Brie Doyle”

  1. devi says:

    Wow! This is the worst thing I could have read today. And I was hopping for an honest word from a true yogi that feels judged and yet I come here with this! This is exactly what makes yogis suck, your I’m better than you attitude. Thanks for making that very obvious.

  2. T.A.H. says:

    I usually like posts like this. I have a deeply irreverent sense of humour and can be a sarky (l)ass when I wanna be, but… this just came across as negative and nasty. The tone was pitched all wrong and what could have been an exercise in holding up a mirror to our collective foibles and having a laugh at ourselves, just seems like an ill-tempered snipe. Sorry. Wish I could have like this more.

  3. yogi tobye says:

    Somebody tried to edit it again and did a rush job trying to cover up how obnoxious it was on first draft…. They got only half way through changing the fucks for f*cks.

    For those who hang out in Boulder with Brie it might be hilarious, for everyone else, I'm not so sure.

    • elephantjournal says:

      Yes, I did the rush job. Kate finished, so thank you. I worked until 2 am (as you well know, since you thankfully help take over from me each am from your volunteer post in Ireland) and work at 9 and started all over again. Have had four meetings and no time, today. We have no staff–Lindsey's been off for the holidays and I'm doing my best, which clearly isn't good enough!

      And thank you, Tobye…

  4. karlsaliter says:

    Thirded. Mat Thwappers! I've rolled my eyes, too. I find my judgement sometimes kicks into high gear before classes, must be some unwelcome redirection of nervous energy.

    Though the article may have lacked that self effacing caveat which serves as our communal bashing permission slip, it was still a light-hearted toss up, and nothing to get ruffled about. Haters, did you read the title before walking in? (Don't hate on me for saying "haters!" Its an expression.

  5. Tony says:

    Although I doubt it was her intention, this post came across as pretty harsh and mean spirited. Next time, I’d add a hint of self-depricating humor. Or at least throw in a winking smiley or 2… 🙂

    • elephantjournal says:

      Yes. I agree. We can alllll do with more humor, and less righteous judgment on this page. But I think/hope that was part of the point of this article…to sorta admit that many of us are in bad moods when we do yoga and that judgment walks onto the mat with the rest of us. ~ Waylon

      • Sorry to say it, but the truth is if someone is upset by this kind of edgy humor, it's possibly because their ego was dented a bit. Before speaking, maybe an ego check is in order. I frankly find that oh so very holier than thou "yogi" attitude that dictates how someone should act and how they shouldn't even less appealing than edgy humor, and far, far more revealing of what lies beneath. In fact, it totally sucks so please get therapy….:)

        And just because a person "pays" for subscription, it doesn't mean they own the right to say what is posted and what isn't. Yeah, sure, write THAT to NYT and see how far you get….

  6. ese says:

    Omg. Fantastic. So true. She’ being funny, people. You can’t say you’ve never thought about these things before…how about Person Who Gives Sex Sighs At Every Downward Dog? Lordy, it can’t feel THAT good.

  7. Brit says:

    Dear Brie and EJ. What is the point of this article? I simply don't what this article is doing here. Fair enough that Brie has a need to express her feelings but why here? What is it that you aim to achieve by writing and publishing it? It looks to me that it (incl. comments) are only cultivating negativity, separation and dualisme……..and well, to me Yoga is about the exact opposite. Pls. help me understand how this article can "create enlightenment" or "help us to live a good life that also happens to be good for others, and our planet."…to use your own mission statement. Thanks 🙂

    • elephantjournal says:

      Thanks! Yoga is about the opposite…but it's not about peace. It's about crossing the shore from confusion to peace. And so we don't ignore all the ugly stuff, like anger and judgment. Hopefully we can bring awareness, sometimes in the form of humor, to our anger and failings.

  8. Sandeep says:

    "White teachers who only speak in Sanskrit" What kind of racist shit is this?

  9. Barb says:

    Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!

  10. Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Posting to Elephant Yoga on Facebook and Twitter.

    Tanya Lee Markul, Yoga Editor
    Like Elephant Yoga on Facebook
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  11. __MikeG__ says:

    Some funny stuff but this post was ruined by a lot of narrow minded and hateful writing. Personally, I love snarky humor and I usually like posts which point out my (hopefully) occasional hypocrisy. But the authors humor and observations were presented in a childish and unskilled manner.

  12. Bloop, flush says:

    …. I just didn't like the "Circus Act" bit…
    Speaking in another language,
    doesn't turn something into a "Circus Act".

  13. Leo Bloom says:

    Was kinda hoping this'd be a serious critique of the yoga community, but it came out okay too. And besides, looks like the serious critique has come out in people's reactions. Whether you intended that or not, well done! I enjoyed reading it.

  14. Jenna says:

    I guess this is what passes for Boulder humor. FAIL.

  15. chonying says:

    You know what's funny? How everyone gets so upset and aggressive when posting comments- in general, not just on elephant. There must be a god of the internet, and he or she is wrathful or semiwrathful, really irritable.

  16. Les says:

    This article is hilarious! Brie is obviously joking. I find it hard to believe that each of us has never thought about these types of things…like the person next to you who drips sweat onto your mat or the naked woman in the locker room whose butt grazes your leg as she bends down to grab something.

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