Fear comes in many disguises.
It can hide and mask itself as any emotion. It can take a disaster, seemingly unite a nation and then turn humanity against itself. It convinces us to stay in dark places, abusive relationships, horrible jobs and general unhappy lives because for some reason that feels safer than the fear of the unknown, the fear of the what could be…what if it could get better? But then again, what if I leave because I think it could get better and it turns out it’s not? “What if” is the co-pilot of fear.
Not sure if any of you are keeping up with the math, but it is now February. In confronting myself over why I haven’t gotten around to writing the article I referred back to a blog I posted back in September—It’s not that I haven’t had the time, or the ideas—my mind is pretty much a running narrative at all times. No, when I really peel away the layers of excuses, at the center of the beast beats the heart of pure fear.
Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being alone, fear of being unlove-able and the fear of missing out.
I have started to make myself aware of how many times in a day I use words such as “fear” or “i’m afraid”. Along with the dastardly “I should”, it is the other one I’m channeling awareness to these days.
My fear of what may happen stops me from allowing things to happen. My fear that the guy I like may turn out to be someone who will hurt me as much as the last guy did, stopped me from moving on; it sent me back to that last guy who hurt me. At least I knew what to expect from him. My fear of being stuck in a job I hate stopped me from getting a job. My fear of being stuck anywhere has kept me living out of a suitcase for the last two years. My fear of having to show up in this world to do and be everything I know I am destined to be, and what that means, and how much it scares me.
My fear of being the brightest light in the room has kept me in the dark.
Being afraid of our own light, our power to shine, to claim the space in this world that was created for us by Nature (or God or the Universe, or whatever you want to call it) is like being afraid to breathe. We don’t think about breathing—What if this next breathe of air is the best I can get? How do I know the air will be there after I exhale and need to breathe in again? Maybe I will just hold on to this one breath forever! We just….breathe.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” ~ Marianne Williamson
When we are little, our parents put night lights in our rooms so we learn to not be afraid of the dark. Time for us to find a grown-up version of that little light and carry it within us at all times. Move to the light, embrace the light, be the light!
I know for me when I remember to move towards my inner light, there is no place for fear to hide. So today I am moving a bit closer to the light, I am submitting this article—the first of many to come.
And with that as always, much love and light to you.
Michelle now calls Vancouver home after several years of brief stints moving about and living in more cities, sublets, guest homes and ashrams than one person would in a lifetime. She is inspired to practice yoga daily by the amazing community here, and is working on giving back teaching with Karma Yoga Vancouver. She is also heavily involved in the Vedic Mediation community by bringing teachers to Canada, organizing workshops and group meditations and sharing the lessons she has learned through one on one Soul Sessions. She still acts and sings, and never passes up a chance to try something new. She also maintains a very healthy obsession with impractical shoes, cooking and tv shows featuring vampires. You can follow her blog at http://www.360being.com, on facebook and twitter.