Forgive Me Not: Truth, Dare & Consequences.
Have you noticed how every new age corner that you turn, there is a sign just up ahead inviting you to speak your truth, with the promise that it will set you free?
Oftentimes—without any directions—as we meander along this truth-seeking path, we wade into the unintended and unexpected.
Expectations; another “thing” that we’re encouraged to let go of with the vague guidance of being present, focus on the process and the outcome will take care of itself. So, without a compass and almost no guiding light, we’re aghast when we find ourselves smack in the middle of an emotional mine-field (our own) and whomever it is that we are trying to communicate with.
In the words of Marilyn Monroe,
“I always seem to walk right into peoples’ unconscious.”
Marilyn, I love you – and you’re not alone.
Today I’m asking myself, is it really important that my voice be heard (another catch phrase) by anyone else besides me? Are they even interested and more to the point, could they care less? Perhaps my needs may be better met by listening to that inner voice within, rather than projecting it out onto others.
For me, what’s even more dis-concerting is that the folk whom I gather ought to know me best, upon dis-agreement I realize that they mightn’t really know who I am at a core level. What does one do when they find themselves caught head on in a collision of unconsciousness—theirs as well as the other? There are no clear-cut answers.
Here’s what I’m learning: Daring to be vocally truthful with others may lead to consequences that we’d not anticipated. Are we ready, willing and able to bear those consequences?
There is a wonderful saying from the Nordic Runes,
“the ability to foresee before you act (or speak) is the mark of a profound person.”
Faced with the results of our actions, how we choose to proceed may vary.
Step 1: Breathe.
Step 2: Create time and space. By taking a step back, we give ourselves room to feel at a primal level what’s happening.
Step 3: Observe and Inquire. Where in my body am I feeling this? When was the last time I felt this way? What were the circumstances surrounding this feeling? Do you see a connection?
Step 4: Pay attention to your dreams – it’s about the only place I know where truth liberates without any (perceived – real or imagined) judgment.
Step 5: Do not under any circumstances fall victim to the tried and [un]true forgive and forget fallacy.
I once engaged myself in a somewhat emotionally charged debate with someone who claimed that forgiveness is none of his business and that forgiveness is the work of God. Back then I argued vehemently that, on the contrary, the responsibility rests with me and you; us, mere mortals.
Today I’m no longer convinced. The ideal of forgiveness according to Step 5 above—as many of us know it—has the lethal potential of setting us up to suppress our true feelings and cast a bandage upon an open wound, not granting the injury the time that it naturally needs to heal.
The act of forgiving is one that we can only ever truly hope to mete out to ourselves.
Asking someone to simply forget something that has created a deep wound—oftentimes felt in the heart—is unrealistic at best and absurd at the absolute worst.
Rather than forgetting, perhaps what we really intend is to let go of the angst, the resentment, the animosity, whatever it is that has and continues to brew and fester our un-healing wound.
To imagine the release of letting go cascading over us, is like standing beneath a waterfall with our heads tilted back, our arms above our heads and our hearts open towards the sky. As that water pounds against our wounded hearts, we wash away our grief, letting go of the pain that lay upon our chests like a brick of immovable iron.
Feeling + Grieving = Healing.
When we have cried until there are no more tears, and washed our emotional state clean, like the rising sun, we will re-emerge to greet our new beginning, afresh and conscious, where forgetting is no longer relevant, appropriate or even necessary.
Editor: Andrea B.
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