Yoga Fashion Police.

Via on Mar 6, 2012
lululemon athletica

Spiritual Law from a Fashionista Turned Yoganista

I used to be a Dallas Socialite in a former life.

I’ve had many former lives.

I’m like a cat or maybe just a rapid-cycling Buddhist. Either way, I have the uncanny, feline ability to land on my feet when dropped from high places.

In this recent past life, I had big hair, voluminous attire and modest closet space. I created big shoes to fill with my carbon footprint, from jet-setting Platinum (100,000+ miles) on American Airlines to and fro on bicoastal buying trips during the prominent fashion market weeks.

I was fed organic grapes while models paraded at my whim up and down catwalks at the headquarters of fashion houses, Roberto Cavalli, Michael Kors and Hugo Boss. I nodded “yes” and “no,” and used words like, “Double 0” when referring to women’s body sizes.

Best yet, I had an alias. Blahnik, as in Manonlo the Italian Shoe God, only to be used when the clock struck midnight and strange things like Porsches turned into pumpkins and water into Dom Perignon in private local celebrity wine cellars.

Today, I’m going with the alias Yoganista, part guru, part girly girl.

I used to struggle with the dichotomies in my life: my spiritual, yogini, humanitarian side and my egotistical, life of the party, materialistic side.

Brooke Kochel

I explained this conundrum to a professor recently who promptly said, “But my child, one side informs the other. Your wisdom would not be balanced or complete without the knowledge of the other.” Another wise female elder said, “It’s the unique combination that makes you who you are.” Combined, these two simple phrases have given me great peace with my own little yin yang.

I’ll tell you my crazy credentials in a humble manner, only to add street credit to the following tantric fashion rules I’ve put into place. Regulations I intend to give citations upon utter disobedience. Since you no longer have an ego being a yogi, I know you won’t mind when I call you out during class.

Yoganista Rule #1:

Don’t wash your black yoga pants (or any super-cult luon for that matter) with white towels. It’s annoying to you, it’s annoying to the type A who got a pumpkin in their face during a close quarters Prasarita Padottanasana (wide legged forward bend). And while the picking of 1008 white tiny lent balls may be meditative, it seems you’ve got fleas to the next table at the hippy coffee shop.

Yoganista Rule #2:

Don’t wear your favorite yoga pants without a nice, cozy thong underneath it. Just remember, every time you wear them and you do a nice hip opener, those threads are getting loose alongside your thighs. And let’s assume you’re washing them after every use (let’s just go ahead and pray you’re washing them). As your body frees from its limitations, so do yo’ pants girlfrien’. It’s the urban legend you’ve heard about. The naked at school nightmare you dream about. It’s taking “playing doctor” to new cosmic heights. It’s happened to me, it could happen to you.

Tip: Invest in a pair of lululemon groovy thongs: the no panty line, stay-in-place during Happy Baby pose, cover your crotch during an emergency, underwear. Security like that comes with an affordable price tag of $16 bucks guys. Great investment!

Yoganista Rule #3:

Don’t wear light-colored, non-wicking cotton yoga pants that show your coochie coo sweat lines. Our yoga lineage with Shakti teaches us to celebrate the divine feminine in all of us. Bikram gave us permission, and even made it cool, to sweat in front of the opposite sex. But even I, as a former midwife (another one of my nine curious feline lives) don’t like to think about or see a stretching yoni sweating.

Remedy: Spend $80+ on a name brand boring black yoga pant or branch out a little and let your spirit shine on your soul mat. I’ve been trying out funky colored, loose-fitting to baggy pants or even skirts over short shorts. Tennis inspired skirts or even the international ultra baggy “hammer pants” are making their way back on the scene.

Yoganista’s Mantra of the Day:

Be Yourself. Be Sweaty. Be Mindful of Your Sweaty Self. Just Wick.

~

 

Editor: Brianna Bemel

About Brooke Kochel

Brooke Kochel is a Tadasana Festival Ambassador and student of Shiva Rea. Her baby yoga mat, bendibaby, debuts this summer. I’m a lover of two soul mates: husband and babe. Jet-setting citizen of the world, foodie and cultural junkie: I’ll try anything twice. She is currently on a farm in Arkansas living off wild game, fish and fowl. Rantings of her satisfied soul can be found on her Yoga/Food/Travel blog, Yogastronomy and Facebook.

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26 Responses to “Yoga Fashion Police.”

  1. karlsaliter says:

    Just Wick! Awesome.

  2. Vision_Quest2 says:

    Whew, sounds complicated.

    Glad I shop at that OTHER store … you know, the no-drama one owned by Gap where men can't get yoga wear …

    • Brooke Kochel yogastronomer says:

      I semi-proud to say I'm so out of the loop, I'm not positive of OTHER stores… Unless you really are just talking about like Gap Body. Or wait, who owns Vixtoria Secret? Lol. Anyway, glad you enjoyed, Hope you'll share :)
      Brooke Kochel

  3. Mafalda says:

    Isn´t Yoga about spiritual growing and awareness? Gotta love the rule#1, other than that I still love my practice not wearing lululemon

    • Brooke Kochel yogastronomer says:

      I hear ya!!! And I've done alot of stretching in the spiritual and awareness departments. I know this article was meant to be light hearted, but on a serious note I'm grateful yoga brings alot of body awareness to many people living detached for a long time. Lululemon or not!!! ;)
      Brooke Kochel

  4. West says:

    I have personal question for all "Yoganistas". As a male teacher, how can I approach you to tell you that you need to follow Rule #2 the next time you come to my Practice? Having seen "more than my fair share" of LLL(Luon Lined Labias), I really don't need to see anymore no matter how nice they may look. I don't want to embarass you by this revelation, but I don't want to come off as some pervy Yoga Teacher.

    • Brooke Kochel yogastronomer says:

      How about jokingly but lovinging posting this article to your studio's Facebook page? ;)
      Glad to help you by shedding light on a "taboo" subject…a favorite pastime of mine. Haha.
      Glad you enjoyed, hope you'll share!
      Brooke Kochel

    • Brooke Kochel yogastronomer says:

      By the way, I have to know what city you teach in to make sue it's not me?!

  5. Annie Ory says:

    Hey West. I don't think there is any way to deliver embarrassing information without embarrassing someone.
    I am a woman, so I know it will feel different coming from you.
    That said, in my experience, when delivering embarrassing information about things like this it is best to be direct, use as few words as possible and to soften the blow by explaining the only reason you saw is that you stand and gaze around the room while everyone else is in their postures so "probably no one else saw – I just thought you should know"

    No need to mention WHAT you saw, that is using extra words. Just that the pants can be seen through when sweaty and stretched. Period. Nothing more. Specifically, I would say:

    "I'm thought you would like to know, when your yoga pants are sweaty and stretched they are a little see through. I'm sure no one but me noticed. They are in their postures while I'm gazing around the room looking at students' postures. See you tomorrow."
    Smile and walk away. It's not cancer, it's just a little information, if you deliver it like it's cancer they'll feel awful, if you deliver it like it's a little information they'll feel informed.

    • Brooke Kochel yogastronomer says:

      Oh this reminds me of a time in grad school on a Boston train, a note got passed back to me saying "you're fly is unzipped". the was before I started practicing yoga, so with ego still in tact, I jumped of the next stop and stood in the rain for an hour! But how compassionate of the one who took the time to tell me :) God speed the woman in Wes's class !!! :)
      Brooke Kochel

  6. Caley says:

    Love the article! Great read :)

  7. [...] Yoga Fashion Police: Be Mindful of Your Sweaty Self Posted on March 9, 2012 by yogastronomy Yoga Fashion Police: Be Mindful of Your Sweaty Self Yoga Fashion Police: Be Mindful of Your Sweaty Self [...]

  8. Brooke Kochel yogastronomer says:

    I love your article Brooke x
    ~Claire B, United Kingdom, via Facebook

  9. Love the article. Will definitely have to invest in that underwear now under yoga pants!
    ~Alana K via Facebook

  10. Thanks for a great laugh! I so can identify!
    ~Natalie via LinkedIn

  11. [...] It seems as if the world isn’t ending this year–in 2012–after all, so let’s all party! [...]

  12. [...] exercise routine like pilates; it was not a competition despite Olympic rumors. It was more than a cute butt in designer clothes. And that to be a teacher of this age-old wisdom was a privilege not a [...]

  13. Jenny Miller says:

    I am looking for a yoga class in LA. Would anyone recommend me a best class for it? I am excited to wear my new exercise apparel.

  14. [...] what you may have been led to believe, yoga isn’t really about what you’re wearing or what brand of mat you own. Yoga practice is simply about the beautiful, breath-by-breath [...]

  15. I don’t mind how I look while I do yoga at home because I do it alone. It is surprising that there is now a yoga fashion police.

  16. Seeing other yoganistas sweating in their pants would be concentration breaking. Maybe people should just use pants that won't expose those sweat lines.

  17. Yabesch says:

    You need to try YOGASMOGA, a new HQ brand now on the market, they are making the difference, check their website, i knew the delivery system that they have is free in USA and Canada ;)

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