It’s 5 am, meditation time, trying to find the elusive heart. Like clouds of fog thoughts move by, shrouding my search.
I sit still. The mind does not. Why does it seem so difficult to get to the core of our being, the heart of the matter? To find the place in us we hunger for, whether we know it or not?
This morning the heart is veiled by wispy shreds of thoughts and feelings, faint shadows before sunrise. A sense of insecurity sits somewhere, like a single crow calling into an empty space, hearing only its echo respond.
Then I sense it. There is a trail of compassion here. It is a still and small sympathy I have with my not-knowing, my not-finding, my sense of being lost. Gratefully I pick up this path and follow it for a while.
Still the heart is elusive. Still I feel lost in the moving distractions: a desire pulls me here, a subtle fear there, slight confusion hovers like an unanswered question. It hides from me what I am.
It hides the place of aliveness, the fundamental peace I know is there, somewhere, behind the fog.
Knowing the heart brings a sense of solidity. It is the Now in its fullness, always calling to us.
And the path appears again, this subtle compassion with myself, telling me, “It’s okay to be lost, for that is the root of finding yourself. It’s okay to taste once more the wine of obstructions that seemed to have gone a long time ago. It is okay to be however you are in this moment.”
I find that I can embrace it all in this compassion with my insufficiency, my distractedness, my lack of stillness and focus. This embracing, this basic compassion for whatever arises, this holding still even while the mind quivers in discontent—it dissolves it all.
It dissolves the self-doubt; it dissolves the barriers around the heart; it dissolves the moving shadows that hide in the corners of lifetimes. Nor for much longer. Not for much longer will you be there.
The sunrise is inescapable. Even if it’s still dark, can you just hold still? You know that somewhere, deep inside you, your heart waits. Can you fathom the depth in you the mind cannot see when it is embroiled in the force of the past? Can you remember the glow of a fire in the cold night? It is like that.
Embrace yourself in the subtle compassion that arises like the sweet scent of night-blooming jasmine from the heart that you cannot yet feel.
This heart has forever watched over you. And it will not abandon you. It cannot, for it is you. It is you, waiting for you, waiting for you to bloom in the full sunshine of day.
Holding still for the sunrise is always good.
The dawn is here. Courage arises with it. The waiting, the single focus of caring while you stir the embers of the heart—that is the strength of a warrior.
It starts small. But give it time and it will change the world.
Editor: Lindsay Friedman
Ram Giri is a spiritual teacher, innovator, accomplished yogi and psychologist. He offers down-to-earth help in overcoming the challenges of life to create profound, quick and lasting solutions. Whether you are dealing with depression, anxiety, addictions, relationship conflicts, or more, his Skills for Awakening® can guide you in the most direct way to joy, courage, inner peace and unconditional love—the true antidote to all pain and confusion. Ram Giri’s direct guidance, in groups or personally one-on-one, is a unique service to spiritual seekers world-wide who struggle with personal challenges. You can reach him at 305-567-1406 or atwww.ramgiri.org. Follow him on FaceBook.
We invite you to visit our website SkillsforAwakening.com and to check our CD “Living with an Open Heart”, guided HeartSourcing by Ram Giri and music by Krishna Das. The CD is also available on iTunes and YogiTunes.