How to Comment like a D**chebag on the Internet. ~ Anonymous

Via Waylon Lewis
on Apr 21, 2012
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A Handy 10-Step Guide.

1. Make sure your account’s name is anonymous.

2. Say something without thinking about it first.

3. Say something really mean and condescending and macho and righteous without punctuation and with at least two exclamation marks. Don’t sign off.

4. End your insult in a vague ellipses, signifying that you couldn’t spare the time to complete your own thought because you had to get busy s*****g your own d**k, you’re so impressed with how macho you are when you’re anonymous.

5. Criticise the author, who doesn’t have the luxury of anonymity, for being negative or critical by being negative and critical.

6. It’s not a dialogue. Leave your steaming insult and don’t come back and respond to the author’s thoughtful, hurt comment.

7. Don’t think about the author’s feelings or even visualize them as a feeling, human being. Live out your John Wayne/Bill O’Reilly fantasy.

8. If you see a sexy image and want to criticize the author for posting it, make sure you’re at home safe home wearing only your underwear while criticizing others for wearing only their underwear.

9. F*ck you.

10. ….


PS: thoughtful, mindful, in-depth criticism turns thoughtful, mindful, loving people on. ~ Robert Sturman, Lindsey Block, Waylon “All the Bad Parts above are my Fault” Lewis


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | | | | | Google+ For more: publisherelephantjournalcom


50 Responses to “How to Comment like a D**chebag on the Internet. ~ Anonymous”

  1. Bonus points for misspellings, name calling and comments that are simultaneously mean and not addressing the author's point. Those are my fave.

  2. Robert says:

    How do I get rid of my picture? This isn't fair.

  3. suri_k says:

    ohh for F%cks sake !!…..Just kidding.

  4. straight thinker says:

    what a stupid post, it only 9 thing, and the 9th doesn't even say anything!! this is a straw man! do u even know what it is!?? **think about it** then- get it together ->moron.. an DON"T change the subject :((

  5. NotyogitobyeIswear. says:

    Yeah like Sturman you dumb ass, just sign out and get offensive as a guest.

    That Waylon fella thinks he's funny or some shite… I'm gonna read some other crap somewhere else… shmucks the lot of ye!!!!!

  6. KristinSLuce says:

    Well done, Waylon. Well done!

  7. Katherine says:

    I think we’re forgetting something here. It might be that we all are making more assumptions than we have a right to. How would you respond if you knew that your so-called douchebag was in the middle of a struggle with mental illness? What if the so-called douchebag was autistic and literally didn’t see the world the same way you do?

    I’m not saying that is always the case, but what if your assumptions about the douchebag are false enough to make you the douchebag and you just don’t know it?

  8. Bobby says:

    Not sure what prompted this, either the comments on Yogadork or some perceived slight this this photo guy, but I would say you both need to man up.

    And oh Fuck You too Motherfucker!

  9. Black Dirt Goddess says:

    I love appropriating the word douchebag and other gorgeous profanities full of punch.
    im surprised nobody has found a use for the word c u n t in this thread?

  10. Matt DuDonis says:

    I'm kind of surprised by the langauge I've seen lately on elephant journal. It just seems to me that a blog site that is devoted to higher mindedness would be so willing to put so much foul language out there. It really seems to be getting out of hand. I'm not suggesting censorship, but maybe sharing this observation will help. If politeness or manners or morals aren't good enough reasons to spare others the expletives, how about considering that their use is really the clearest sign of a poor vocabulary and mismanaged frustration.

  11. Waylon says:

    Donna Runion I think the last one of these I dealt with regularly just unfriended me. I guess I must have mastered the lesson they were sent to teach me…….. 😉 Good attitude, Donna! Haters gonna hate, as they say. It's our job just to walk our integrity and check in with ourselves and honest friends. ~ Waylon

  12. cathywaveyoga says:

    hmm, interesting. Thank you Kate. And those rude comments from yogasamurai.. do you get to decide to delete them or not? I suggest delete one or 2 of them.

  13. Tina Gallagher says:

    Wow way to start a rumble. lol If it offends you, you are probably doing it and offending someone else. tehehe Nice article!
    Would like to share my experience of the day with narrow minded people:
    Tina to clerk: I found a buddah lamp at an estate sale perfect for meditation.
    Clerk to Tina: What are you some kind of Muslim?
    ugh… Really? Oh and when I said all religion has its wisdom and all religions have their idiots…

  14. ManifestYogaJen says:

    ha. I love this. Next time my stalker strikes( who signs under different names and comments on everything I post near and far) I am going to send them this. Love xoxo

  15. JC Jaress says:

    Sarcasm is aggression and I'd like to think that Elephant knows that. So, this post turns me off a little bit. I really appreciate most of what I read in Elephant but there are times when Waylon, among others, seems actually hurt by some of the douchie comments that, by nature of offering a comments section, are bound to manifest on the site.

    C'mon, buck it up. Don't let the meanies get you down – you're doing great work here. Thank you, all.

  16. Locayoga says:

    People should not be allowed to post anonymously. We are letting the people who fart then run off and point the finger at someone else get away with their BS. Stand behind your words, don't produce a big stink then not even have the balls to admit it was you.

  17. Jodi says:

    Ironically, using the term d-bag is well-known as a misogynist term in communities who care about women… May I ask who wrote this? Was it re-posted by Elephantjournal, because this site usually has a clue.

  18. Nooshi says:

    Haha, hilarious post! I especially like numbers 9 and 10.

  19. […] like Gawker—another blog with a funny, strong, occasionally cruel (but, to their credit, never anonymous) voice—they sometimes enjoy their barbs too much. We should never enjoy poking others, tearing […]

  20. Auki says:

    Unbelievably rude blog post, Waylon. Is that what you call leading by example? How about walking your own talk and toning down your use of expletives?

  21. Randolph says:

    Growing up in a small town, where literally everyone I knew worked at the local douche bag factory, where every meal, every school book, every car or pair of shoes came from that very same weekly paycheck, I suppose I have a slightly different view on things.

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