Are you fed up with being treated like a second-class citizen by your sexual prospects?
We are too. Something clicked this week––maybe it was the realization that all of the neglect, unreturned phone calls, meaningless hookups and not feeling fully satisfied––that something was just not right.
After some discussion regarding relationships, we came to understand that as two independent college women in the prime of our dating lives, we should not allow ourselves to enter into the negative relationships zone. We are intelligent, outgoing, creative and motivated women who do not need to put up with being treated poorly.
Is it too much to ask for a mature relationship based on mutual respect without the seriousness of being in a relationship? We are looking to have some fun here.
We decided we could not stand this bullsh*t a minute longer––it was time to take matters into our own hands. Sitting in the dimly lit corner of a favored local coffee shop, we formulated a plan of attack. We needed to change our strategy when it came to dating.
The Challenge: Ask a guy out on a date by the end of the week. The only rules set were that the candidate must be someone we haven’t gone out with before and we would have to report any results, no matter how embarrassing, to the world of elephant.
The Challengers: Two like-minded, hopeful and the slightest bit crazy 22-year-old women hoping to get past the relationship funk they are stuck in. Lindsay the laid-back environmentalist whose wild side is sure to attract an interesting dater and Hayley, the blossoming philanthropist, whose alluring black rimmed spectacles call for an intellectual and spontaneous dater.
Optimistic and excited we took the week by storm. What is the worst thing that could happen?
Hayley’s experience: After a semester worth of shameless flirting in my 15 person writing class, I knew the perfect candidate worthy of a date with me––the intelligent and sexy guy who sat next to me in class. I had been eyeing him since the first day of class in January.
I panicked and chickened out all week, contemplating the worse case scenarios––how exactly the words could leave my mouth and his reactions. I pushed back the inevitable until the last day I knew I would see him in class––it was time! If I didn’t do it now, when?
We walked out of class and through campus, chatting about our spring breaks and plans for the weekend. He explained he would be going out of town––I was so nervous I just wanted to blurt out, ‘let’s just go out together sometime,’ but my reserved and rational conscience would not let me, but I simply asked, “Oh, who are you going with?”
Instantly, I wished I hadn’t asked as his response stabbed into my heart like a rusty dagger, “my girlfriend.”
I was livid but tried to remain calm. I composed a relaxed response. I told him to have a great trip and that I would see him in class, but inside the confusion and rage burned. How could he have a girlfriend? I honestly thought we had some sort of connection all those days flirting in class and all the interesting discussions we had shared. I felt defeated, but did not want this bump in the road to discourage me from the bigger picture.
I had participated in the challenge, which yielded a less than stellar result, but I could not get down on myself. It was the first time since realizing exactly what I want out of a relationship that I had tried to ask someone out. At least those words didn’t come out of my mouth before he told me he was attached. So what if he had a girlfriend––he was not the right one, there will be someone else.
I went into the weekend with this strong mindset and ended up meeting a sexy someone whose energy complimented mine. He showed genuine interest in who I am and actually excited me for the first time in a very long time. The kicker in this case was that I did not have to stress out and muster the courage to ask him out, he came up to me, we had a great time together and after mutual agreement, we decided to go out.
I got the date, under different terms then I originally set for myself but I guess the greatest things always happen when you least expect them to, right?
Lindsay’s experience: As someone who loves a challenge and living life to the fullest, I gladly took on the challenge of asking a guy out for a date. I am a senior in college and I have pretty much met, dated or hooked up with the guys that I would be interested in. I am looking for something and someone new.
This past week I have been hanging out with a few different groups of friends––making the effort to put myself out there and be open to new experiences. I have gone out a lot, slept a few less hours, but I have thoroughly enjoyed my escapades. On Wednesday night I went out with a girlfriend of mine and her friends who I am not so familiar with. We went to trivia night at a popular bar. I told the new girls about my challenge. I figured that if I tell some people I don’t really know, that they will want to see me actually go through with it. If I didn’t live up to my challenge, what would that say about me?
After a few drinks and rounds of meaningless trivia, I had yet to talk to the guy. I needed to build up courage, maybe some liquid courage, and make my move. I had been eying a sexy, tall, curly long brown haired bouncer the entire night. I mean, he was fine. I told my friends that he would be the one. I didn’t know how to approach the situation. Do I give him my number, I mean, we had yet to make formal communication. Do I ask for his number? Do I just walk up and start a conversation? If I do, do I ask him for a drink?
So many thoughts went through my head as my adrenaline rapidly increased. “Do it, just do it,” I told myself.
I went for it. I asked a waitress for a pen and paper, and then wrote down my name and cell phone number. I anxiously walked around, went to the bathroom, had the remaining sips from my beer and got ready to leave the bar with my friends.
I walked up to the bouncer and said, “Hey, I think you are sexy. Here is my number, call me for a drink sometime.” I smiled and he nervously smiled back as I walked out. My guy friend walked up to him coincidentally after I handed him my number and he told me that Mr. Sexy seemed to be totally and happily thrown off guard.
I couldn’t have been happier with my daring self. I did it. I proved to myself I could do it and now I feel a little more comfortable trying it in the future. I am still awaiting a call from Mr. Sexy. I mean, if I had the courage to give him my number… well come on, the least he can do is be a little spontaneous himself––unless he too has a girlfriend.
That was not my first time doing something like that, but it was the most spontaneous. The first time I had ever asked a guy out, we had already had a conversation. I asked him to dinner that night and then we ended up hooking up for months, but now we are friends.
Sometimes being open to your own vulnerability is a blessing in disguise.
Reflection: Regardless of how we or the readers define success, we both ended up winning. Though we may not have gotten dates with the specific guys we tried to ask or handed our numbers to, the confident vibes we exuded called people to our attention.
As we held each new men and ourselves to higher standards, we realized sub-par treatment is simply unacceptable––we deserve the best. We can be happy and have fun without a man’s validation and if we are positive and confident in ourselves good things (hopefully good looking and good hearted men) are bound to come our way.
We will continue to live by the guidelines of this challenge in hopes that we will meet that person who deserves the awesomeness inside each of us. We will go up and talk to that guy we always see around but don’t really know because we know that waiting is not practical. We will ask out the guy we flirt with all too often because we are in charge of our dating lives. We will try new things and push ourselves to the limits, what is the worst thing that could happen?
Tips on meeting your next fling, hook up, date, or partner.
1. Be Positive. Tell yourself everyday that life is good and that no matter what challenges arrise, that you can tackle them with a positive attitude. Thinking with a positive attitude, despite how hectic our lives may be, will shine from within and will draw people to you. People are attracted by confidence and good attitudes. The first step is to change the way you approach life and the guy or girl you have your eye on will for sure take note.
2. Experience Life. Go out and try new things, get involved in new activities, new bars, new restaurants and maybe even a new path for your daily jog. By spicing up your life, you are spicing up your own bio. You will have more to talk about with people. You will become happier and want to experience life to its fullest. You will have dealt with the uncomfortable and will become more eager to take risks. Lastly, you are sure to meet different people and hone down on what type of person will make you happy.
3. Challenge Yourself. Build up the courage to ask your newest prospect out to dinner or give him or her your number. Yes, it seems scary, and not to sound cliche, but we only live once. What is the worst that can happen? You owe it to yourself to be happy, even if its to only spend one exhilerating night with that person.
4. Expect More. Once you become more confident in yourself and start to attrack the kinds of people you are interested in, don’t settle for anything less than what you want. Most people are too afraid to put themselves out there and to ask for dates or to give their number, but not you. Once this becomes easier, it becomes easier to get the guy or girl you want.
Life is full of challenges, what’s yours?
Like this? “Like” elephant Love & Relationships on Facebook.
Lindsay Friedman & Hayley Samuelson are college students at the University of Colorado at Boulder. They met when they began their internship at elephantjournal.com and their friendship has blossomed since. In between drinking tea, hiking the Rockies and leading vibrant social lives, they took on this challenge to have fun and learn some lessons along the way. This is not a personal ad, but hey, we are open to anything. Follow us on twitter: @hayleysamuelson & @Laine0315