Does the Dalai Lama’s Virginity Have to Go? ~ Jerry Stocking

Via on May 8, 2012

 

World Peace, One Lay at A Time.

I have a problem with Catholic priests counseling married couples. As bachelors they simply can’t have the requisite experiences for the job. Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s don’t get the garbage taken out on time.

I have a similar problem with the Dalai Lama reaching for world peace for us all when he hasn’t even tried to satisfy Mrs. Lama. My real beef with Catholics and Mr. Lama pale when I consider all they could learn from sex/relationships but have been deprived of.

Sex is a powerful, life changing, learning experience. Consider all that you can and have learned from having sex. Remember the first time? Remember the last time? Remember the time when you didn’t want to have sex but did anyway and the time you wanted to so badly but didn’t? Remember the time when you thought that sex would fix a relationship or the time you imagined that there was such a thing as safe sex (really)?

Sex influences every nook and every cranny of your life.

Mr. Lama hasn’t experienced any of that. He hasn’t experienced the let down after sex or the build up before it. He probably doesn’t even know how to flirt or what foreplay is, other than theoretically. He hasn’t wondered if he should try a little tongue or a little touch in that special place.

Do you think the Dalai Lama is sexually frustrated? I do.

When you go without sex for long enough, don’t you want it pretty badly? I have a theory that being born blind doesn’t mean you don’t want to see. Sure, it makes the idea of seeing scary and threatening to the status quo. But given that, I simply am not able to reconcile my desire to hear the Dalai Lama moaning with sexual pleasure with my need for a Free Tibet.

I do know there is a terrible struggle going on between the Dalai Lama, his people, and China. But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a cocktail waitress to figure out China is so powerful because it has so many people.

People beget people only by having sex. So, what we have here is a stalemate between the Dalai Lama and no sex versus the Chinese and a lot of sex. It seems logical that the Dalai Lama had better get humping or he will lose by default.

I hope that I haven’t offended any of you. I do know human rights violations are horrible and I know at the hands of the Chinese many people have been mistreated, tortured or killed. But I’d also guess the Dalai Lama needs a little loving just like the rest of us. Without that tender closeness how can he expect people to live in peace?

I propose a simple movement: the Get the Dalai Lama Laid Movement.

I once saw a picture of Richard Gere and the Dalai Lama. Richard, as I understand, is no virgin. The Dalai Lama is sexually inexperienced. The picture deeply inspired me. What if the Dalai Lama set out to have sex with as many women as Richard has?

Taking this idea to a crazy extreme, what if the Dalai Lama had sex with each and every woman that Richard has had sex with. Remember American Gigolo? Not a great movie, but the sequel could be Tibeten Gigolo starring the Dalai Lama as himself. Now that seems to be a step toward World Peace don’t you think?

Please join the movement.

As a member you will need to fulfill certain conditions. There are no financial dues, but there are some sexual ones and some sensual ones too. Here they are:

1. You need to think loving thoughts toward someone you have never met before at least twice a day.

2. You need to have regular sex, at least once a week, with yourself or another.

3. Daily, you must picture the Dalai Lama having sex with one starlet after another. Never two at once though because we wouldn’t want to take this too far.

That’s it. But please be religious about this. This is a sacred club. Can’t you feel World Peace just around the corner? The only thing better than world peace is knowing that you have done your fair share to bring it closer.

 Join Today!

There is no paperwork to sign, no forms to fill out, just fulfill the conditions and wait patiently for the newspaper headlines:  Dalai Lama Satisfied, and Richard Gere Appears Jealous, and Tibet is Finally Free.

Once you have the Dalai Lama in bed your job isn’t over. For World Peace we need him to be really, really good in the sack.

Remember, supporting the Dalai Lama and his sexual exploits doesn’t make you pimp. It makes you a partner in world peace.

~

Editor: Jennifer Cusano

Jerry Stocking is a non-guru who will twist your idea of reality on its head and leave you laughing. His mischievous smile will tell you right away he has found the lighter side of spirituality. Sink into the bliss of being, visit Lightening Up and Letting Go, his personal web-resource on modern spirituality. Enlightenment is only a moment away, but you’ll have to lighten up first.

 

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27 Responses to “Does the Dalai Lama’s Virginity Have to Go? ~ Jerry Stocking”

  1. I'm Really Mr. Ed says:

    you are unlikely ever to "turn the idea of reality" on its head, unless you're speaking to a pack of 3 year old deaf children. what a vacuous waste of space you and this….ahem…."article"….both are. could you get any stupider or limited? why no, i don't believe you can!

    get a hobby, jerk

    • I'm Really Mr. Ed says:

      and in case you wondered, no, its not even vaguely funny. or satirical. or anything.

    • Thanks Ed for your input.
      Are you angry at me?
      Did I do something wrong?
      Actually I am really interested in turning the idea of reality exactly on its head. It seems that seriousness, suffering and adopting positions all go together. I am sorry if I offended you but that does happen sometimes when the status quo is questioned.
      I probably don't really expect the Dali Lama to have sex because of this movement, bit I have in my thirty years of leading courses discovered that when people are having good quality sex even outrageous sex they tend to inspire peace all around them. That is the kind of outcome I am interested in. And again, thank you for your opinion, and I have to agree with you I am certainly a jerk.

  2. Charlie says:

    I had a smile on my face from start to finish. Thanks, Jerry. I also agree with Eddie that you are a jerk and so am I. World peace here we come!

  3. terry evans says:

    I think you should lighten up and let it go……..

  4. Daisy says:

    He is as entitled to his viewpoint and practice of (non) sex as you are your viewpoint and pursuit of it. Rather than try to fix him, because he is not like you, consider why how he lives, without trespassing into your world, seems to leave you feeling violated. It is a pretty cheap shot, using him to increase your own SEO. I hope the disrespect and attention-seeking backfires.

    • Would you have the same response Daisy if we substitute other names for Mr Lama? Like the Pope or Charlie Brown or just about anybody you might want to choose? Do you really think that your thinking about the Lama having sex is disrespectful? If so, please don't join the club, but certainly you wouldn't suggest that there shouldn't be such a club.
      Heck, we had a ski club in high school and we were in Chicago Illinois. Do you really think the Lama himself would be offended by what I have written? Is he that small minded? I bet not. I bet he would smile a peaceful smile and think pure thoughts.

  5. Keith Padden says:

    As one old toast would have it: "Here's to us, and those like us. Damn few left!" Then again, I've been beaten to the punch with regard to declaring myself a jerk, since several others, Jerry included, have done it already! Yay! Here's to us jerks! Perhaps that's the real movement we should be creating here: a worldwide interconnected network of jerks. Oh, wait a minute, the Facebook boss has done that for us! Kind of interesting to note the reactions here, somewhat analogous to the grumpy reaction someone exhibits when being roused from a sleep (maybe you can see what I'm getting at here). We're angry, because we're happy being asleep, and we don't want to be anything else. I am sure the Dalai Lama himself would have a great chuckle about this.

  6. robert says:

    dear mr shocking,

    has it ever occurred to you that there might be other ways of experiencing this life than yours? you seem to be quite preoccupied with sex. you seem to hold the belief that sex needs to be a part of everyone’s life or something is wrong…that somehow their life is incomplete. sure, for many people, an improved sex life will improve their life BUT to infer that the dali llama would be better off getting laid is absurd … and yes, you are a jerk, an absurd narcissistic jerk and i know that you already know this and are quite proud of it…it takes all kinds my friend.

    • Thanks Robert, while you may be beyond an interest in sex yourself it does appear that you aren't above name calling. Do you actually think that I am an absurd narcissistic jerk? Lets leave the Mr Lama out of this. How about lightening up and letting go a little bit of that rage Robert?

  7. Jammers says:

    It's interesting reading the article and then people's comments. Seems the comments are an extension of the article itself. Also seems that Mr. Shocking is doing just that- shocking the beliefs we hold to and internal structures of the mind. What is right to say and what is wrong to say? Clearly Mr. Shocking has said something wrong in some people's perceptions. Mr. Shocking has put forth a stimulus that caused a specific response in some. That in and of itself is something worth noticing. What if that stimulus is simply observed and then another one given room to appear and then another. And what if that next response is unlike any that have come before? Wouldn't that be marvelous? As grand as an orgasm. I think the mistake (as if there could be one) is to take this article literally. The reading of this article is the exercise and the Dalai Lama a metaphor. Wonder how he would react to it.

    • Of course the Dalai Lama is a metaphor. Who cares who has sex with whom.
      Whatever you can do to lighten-up, relax and spread a little peace around might just be a good thing.
      Perhaps humor and a little sacrilege is on the way to peace.
      I do find though that an occasional romp in the sack tends to be relaxing and generates a little friendlier world.

  8. Charles says:

    But…I like my gravitas. I enjoyed your article and hated it at the same time. Good job. Now to clarify, I enjoyed it as an exercise in self examination because I truly disliked it. I did not find it funny, and yes I knew the Dalai Lama was a metaphor. Still I found the writing stupid, boorish, and lacking any amount of depth besides what could be gained from "shock" value. Just from the title I had a strong negative reaction; however, following this feeling patiently (after reading the rest of the article and commentary) I found that it mostly stemmed from my own conditioning concerning sex. Upon a re-evaluation of the article itself I found myself actually laughing.

    So yeah, nice article, and I'm also pretty sure the Dalai Lama would laugh about it.

    • Thanks for your comment Charles. I am interested in exploring all sorts of things and have been doing so for a while. I am currently writing a book about sex after writing numerous books about philosophy. The research is difficult but apparently me and me Sweetie need to do it.
      I would be delighted to send one of my other books to you free of charge if you would like. Just call Wayne at 706.754.7540 and tell him I said you won the book lottery. I imagine that Laughing with God or Thinking Clearly might be fun reading for you. Again, Thank You Charles.

      • Charles says:

        Thank you so much! I look forward to reading, though first I might have to get the amusing and slightly disturbing image of the Dalai Lama and Natalie Portman in bed out of my head.

      • Charles: delighted you called. Thinking clearly and some other good listening is on its way to you.
        Your comment exhibited exactly what my work is about. It is about discovering the various layers of yourself and not getting caught in the possible stuckness in any particular layer. Glad you called, hope you like the book. Please let me know if inspired to do so.

  9. John says:

    Conscious celibacy can be a very useful way to learn about yourself and others. It is just a choice of which direction you want to send your energy. You can send the energy up the spinal column for spiritual purposes or you can send it down and out to create children, or maybe just for fun. Both paths will teach you something. What do you want to learn or experience? It seems like a question of what you want to invest your attention and energy in. The Dalai Lama appears to be investing in that which will be after the body passes. But who knows? Tibetan Buddhism has a long tradition in Tantric sexual practices. He might be having sex with six women at the same time every day for all we know.

  10. Artemis says:

    Jerry and the Other Men on this blog —

    You all simply fascinate me. Could somebody out there please explain why it is that men need frequent sex to remain in a more peaceful state? I'm curious and a bit startled. Naturally, I am very aware that sex is encouraged by the natural laws placed upon humankind on the planet at this time. But I'm just not that into it. I do not need it at all. And I like the Dalai Lama just as he is! A pure Heart without any attachments to anything else. A thoroughly peaceful Being. I respect that. So can you explain why he needs to participate too?

    • Thanks Artemis for your comments. I don't really know that much about the Dalai Lama. I don't imagine though that he isn't attached. Seems pretty attached to Tibet. I don't know how pure his heart is either. I really have no way of telling but he has a bit of a political vibe to me.
      As to men's sex drive! I have to tell you that it is awful to be a guy run by the biological drive to have sex. And, for the most part, we can't help it. It does make it pretty easy to manipulate us: an upside for you perhaps a downside for us.
      I understand that you say you don't need sex, and you might not, but if you aren't having it how could you really know what you would be like with it? I am fascinated that in this country we use sex to sell stuff all the time and yet it is taboo to speak of sex directly or honestly or even ask for it. We are a country of teenagers so immature about sex that it is amazing we continue to pro-create at all. I am in favor of bringing sex into the light. Which is really the whole point of the club I suggest.
      On my facebook page one person suggested that we replace the word "sex" with "touch" and consider the article. I hope that you are being touched, hugged and held enough. The link between kinesthetic closeness and peace is proven. So, how about being touched as often as the Dalai Lama is and find out what that is like?

      • Artemis says:

        Jerry, in reply to all you say, I can add a few words. I haven't got any issues with anyone who is openly honest about their needs, including their desire to have sex frequently. I hear you. You apparently need/want that and I respect that. I hear you about the immaturity of the mass consciousness which wants to play with sex without growing up in self responsibility and autonomy first. It is like a big attractive sentient pull on the psyche, attaching us all to pleasure without any clue how to manage it. It is difficult to find a truly experienced man or woman who is masterful with sexual energies beyond the basics of normal expectations or consumer models. By that I mean they do not see through to their root issues of wanting to complete themselves through another party. They give up their autonomy and settle for limited "successes" in bed with another for as long as the "glow" captures their heart. I haven't got any problems with being touched by spiritual presence especially in regard to sex. Mostly it is just not there in life today. I wish it were. Meantime, I do not need to play with anything less. Touching is great — just not as potent as a tool of transformation.

        • Thank You again Artemis. I couldn't agree more. Delighted in great sensations while reading your e-mail. Isn't is delightful that we can have this sort of exchange on the web?
          I would like to make an offer to you. I have written several books and two of them seem like they might especially intrigue you. Spiritual Seduction is a deep, playful and dense exploration of transformation itself. Not any sex in it though. The other book is Enlightenment is Losing Your Mind.
          Both of these books are way smarter than the market, written because I had to write them not to become popular. If you would like a free copy of either of these I would be delighted to provide it for you. If you call any morning next week Wayne is likely to answer the phone. Tell him that I offered you a free book, pick which book and we will ship it right out to you.
          All I ask in return is a little feedback from you as you peruse the book. The number here is 706.754.7540.

          • Artemis says:

            Hi again Jerry — and thank you for the generous offer of one your books. As you might surmise, I am already quite familiar with much of literature out there on personal transformation, having been an avid reader of such materials for many years — too many to mention in fact! Interestingly enough, some of your books are already an important part of my collection and I have had these two plus two more in my library now for about ten years or so. Did they help? You bet — and more to the point, I am continuing to expand in consciousness with enough spiritual enlightenment in progress to give up reading and devote my energies entirely to life as it opens up in each present moment. So thank you again for sharing your thoughts in your books and for continuing to be a presence on the Internet. Blessings in abundance, Artemis

  11. [...] Growing up in the church, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I would wait until my wedding night to lose my virginity. [...]

  12. BK says:

    Ok, if we do change “sex” to “touch”, I think you’ll find the Dalai Lama has touched more people than anyone else alive today. Think about it, what if, literally touching the hearts and minds of millions of people or shaking the hands of millions of people, in the spirit of peace and love, literally feels like an earth shattering orgasm in hyper-slow motion? What if the Lama, truth be told, is quite selfish about it even? So much so, that he won’t invite us into his club. I guess you’ll never know.

  13. jack says:

    lol does this author actually think he's funny or something?

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