My Chi Kung teacher tells me that the best sex he has ever had was in Africa. He was a reporter on assignment with a small tribe. There he met a young woman from the tribe. Though they didn’t share a common language and weren’t planning on ever seeing each other again and were from different ends of the Earth, the sex they shared that evening was extraordinary.
According to my teacher she was a creature of incredible sensation. She felt, and felt and felt some more. She had no inhibitions that he could find and as the evening progressed his inhibitions melted into a puddle of amazing physical pleasure.
A Simple But Important Question
I was spellbound listening to my teacher and pondering sex that I had had. What he described was foreign to me. I was left optimistic but confused and with one question…
How could I have better sex?
Not just a little better sex but mind blowing, life affirming sex. Sex so deeply satisfying that it spread to every area of my life, making me smile randomly throughout my day. Sex so free that it made me feel powerful, flexible, young and vibrant. Young but wise sex that illuminated my entire life.
I have a simple question for you.
How could you have better sex?
That is the question.
Assuming As an Aphrodisiac
If you ask a really overweight person about diets he or she will likely have a lot to say. But what they have to say will be from the perspective of an overweight person who is still overweight.
If you want to learn about successful diets that work then you might want to ask either an expert or someone who used to be overweight and then successfully dieted.
If you are going to have much better sex—incredible sex, even unconditional sex— it might be best to realize that you don’t know how to yet. If you knew how to you would probably already be doing so. It might also be worth admitting that the sex you have had is just the tiny tip of the iceberg of what is possible sexually.
If you start by assuming that the best sex you have ever had is perhaps really close to the best possible sex then there is not much room for improvement. But if you assume that the best sex you have ever had is really only five percent of what is possible sexually then you might just get curious, questioning and exploring how you might have way, way better sex.
People say “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” But of course you know that it can.
What you don’t know can also inspire you, tempt you, motivate you and prime your optimism.
What don’t you know about sex?
So, sexually, assume that you don’t know much, haven’t experienced much and don’t really have a clue how good sex can be. A great place to start your sexual odyssey into unconditional sex.
Begin asking questions about sex. Here are a few possible questions:
What is sex?
What does sex entail?
What might turn you on that you wouldn’t dare do?
What is the best sex you have had?
What made it the best sex you have ever had?
What makes “bad” sex bad?
Is sex really something you want?
What have you been taught about sex?
Did your parents have good sex?
What do you believe about sex?
What do you believe about sex that isn’t true?
What limitations do you have around sex?
What would you do to get sex?
What have you done to have sex?
Have you had sex when you didn’t want to?
Have you been forced to have sex?
How often do you think of your genitals?
What have you done sexually that you regret?
What sexual opportunities have you missed?
Are you sexually attractive?
Asking these questions of yourself and exploring possible answers is likely to have you think differently about sex. Thinking different thoughts about sex is a creative even exciting beginning to our sexploration.
Sit with one of these questions for a while and you will discover that different answers surface. The longer you spend with a question the more fully you are likely to explore answers very different than your initial obvious answers.
Make up other questions about sex. Explore the subject of sex. Let yourself be consumed by your exploration. If you dare, ask other people any of these questions. Begin a conversation about sex.
Born Again Virgin
People think about sex a lot. Polls indicate that men think about sex way more than women do. But people do not talk about sex a lot.
A possible next step in our sexvolution might well be to talk about sex almost as often as you think about it. Dare to bring up the subject of sex and you are likely to bring some balance to that subject. Doing so will bring sex out of the closet, out of the shadows that you have relegated it to.
The difference between McDonald’s food and a gourmet meal is the level of sophistication of the chef and consumer. The gourmet meal offers many more nuances, represents much more advanced tastes, smells and feelings than McDonald’s ever can.
Talking about sex, getting curious about sex and admitting that sex is relevant in your life is likely to be an important step toward gourmet sex, unconditional sex and sex that inspires and sheds light on every nook and cranny of your life.
You are crazy about sex.
Getting sane about sex will require some honestly, releasing limitations, lightening up and letting go.
It will be worth it.
It will be worth it because you will have much better sex.
It will be worth it because sex builds intimacy.
It will be worth it because sex pleases your body and quiets your mind.
It will be worth it because sex is a great way to express yourself, reward yourself, adore yourself and connect with aspects of yourself that you simply can’t reach any other way.
Editor: Carolyn Gilligan