10 Reasons to Dodge a “Start-Up” Relationship. ~ Stephanie Bailey

Via on Jul 1, 2012

First dates are usually an exciting event; they make you have a cheesy-big-fat-smile like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.

However, you shouldn’t be surprised if some of the events get “rained out” quicker than you expected leaving a frown on your face and uncomfortable damp.

Although no one is perfect and depending on your expectations, usually there are some tell-tale signs during the first date or several if you’re dating a guy you who’s not right for you.

Have you ever met a guy that you thought would be a fun date but instead it ended up being a miss-match? I’ve been on several, follow along and dodge where needed.

10 Reasons to Dodge a Start-Up Relationship:

1. Splitting the check: Any guy who expects you to split a check without letting you know that the date was just a “friend” date verses a real date is unacceptable. If a guy asks you on a date he should pay. First dates are about wooing you, if he’s not trying to woo you now he’s probably won’t woo you later. (No second date for this guy)

2. Bad Tipper: This usually means he’s cheap and cheap is not an attractive quality. It’s one thing to not tip well if the server was awful, however if the server great…at least 20%. (A man who’s cheap won’t ever see you as the prize)

3. Inviting a buddy to join you on your date: If he’s ok having his friend there are your first date that’s a huge red flag that he’s not that interested in you or probably women at all (Third wheel always breaks the deal)

4. Not introducing you: When bumping into someone they know doesn’t trigger an introduction it makes you reflect on why you took two days to choose the perfect dress for your date. No one likes to feel invisible especially on a date. Unless he’s forgotten the person’s name (which shouldn’t be an occurring thing), a guy should want to introduce you. If he doesn’t, you have to wonder how many other women is he “not introducing?” (A man, who doesn’t introduce, is not invested in you).

4. Independent films are just as important as Blockbusters: if he’s always choosing the movie, you’re guaranteed to never be entertained. When a man can’t meet you in the middle and see the movies you like, he’s a “Selfish Dater in Disguise.” (This is never a good sign.)

5. Flowers before your funeral please (Enough said!)

6. If he’s in the fast lane for sex the relationship endurance is bound to be doomed. When a man rushes into having sex, he’ll usually rush just as quickly to “get rid of you.” (Don’t be that girl!)

7. If foreplay ends up being a one way (for him) he’s needs to hit the highway. A man who’s more concerned with his needs and never yours will be selfish with everything else in his life. (Run as fast as you can girl, and don’t look back)

8. A small plan for a first date should be in every man’s play book: Ladies, if he can’t take the time to call a restaurant to see if a reservation is needed or even have a plan on where to take you ahead of time…he’s probably a lazy dater. (Reservations a must or you might as well wear sweats and sneakers)

9. When he says “I’ll call you.” Damn It, he needs to call! If he’s really interested in you he would call within three days (or sooner) after getting your phone number and one day after a date. A guy who feel it ok to wait a week or longer isn’t worth your time. (Men who can’t call enjoy the “Dating Games”)

10. Bottom line ladies, you are the prize! A man should see and know it, and it’s something you need to remember in order to attract the right guy. A guy who sees you as the prize will work hard to keep you. If not, it’s time to “dodge” this potentially disastrous relationship!

 

Stephanie Bailey has been writing books on relationships since 2003 and just began her blog Miss-Reflections in November of 2011 which is a mixture of relationships and life experiences. Visit her blog to learn more:www.missreflections.posterous.com.

 

 

~

Editor: Carolyn Gilligan

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14 Responses to “10 Reasons to Dodge a “Start-Up” Relationship. ~ Stephanie Bailey”

  1. Paul says:

    Support your writers? In regard to this article, you should pay ME! haha

  2. Just awful.... says:

    This advice is so bad I think it gave me cancer. What world do you date in? Did you wander into some alternate universe where dating requires firm rules where mild, outdated gender role stereotypes rule the world? This kind of thinking is insulting to both men and women, and literally serves to move us backwards in dating and gender relations in general.

    Christ, the self-entitlement attitude in this article is nauseating. Seriously, a guy splitting the check is automatically kicked to the curb? I suppose that it makes no difference who has the better job or who chose the restaurant, because he has a penis that means that he has to be able to take control of the situation and automatically be the provider. *That's* not insulting to women, at all.

    Oh, and you have all these rules for what men can and can't do, but if he doesn't call within your narrow timeframe of what's acceptable, then *he's* the one who's playing the 'dating game'?

    I could literally go through this point by point and show how it's not only incorrect, but detrimental to the relationship and society as a whole to have these kinds of internal rules… but it's late and I don't feel like writing out what everyone read sophomore year of college. Just go look up the clip of Willy Wonka yelling about how wrong you are and it'll get the point across well enough.

    And I don't know if it's purposefully in the style of those terrible check-out line magazine articles, but it's uncomfortable to read and incorrect in more than a few places. Really, there are better ways to inject asides than repeated parentheses.

  3. shaydewey says:

    These are excellent standards to keep for a first date. Too many women settle for a bad first date, if someone wants to date you there should be at least an initial effort put forth. I don't think it is too much to ask.

  4. Parisa says:

    Is this elephant journal or cosmo? I'm confused..

  5. Magen Urabe says:

    This is good writing. Kudos to the author very well said. Keep up the good work!

  6. What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness
    of precious experience about unpredicted emotions.

  7. Lori says:

    Ok, I agree she doesn't leave much room for mistakes. Some people are just not good at first dates, I would give most guys a second chance unless there is just NO chemistry. As for bringing a friend, totally unexceptionable unless there is a long lost friend only in town for one evening and you just have to meet them! But then you could always meet them after dinner for coffee.

  8. Lori says:

    sorry, auto check messed it up, exceptable!

  9. Will Space says:

    So number 1. is money. There is some decent advice there but to throw the term 'start up relationship' out there as an umbrella for all of it is pretty elitist. Then again I don't know if I would go out with her after reading it so maybe I'm elitist.

  10. JMason says:

    Love this.

  11. MattyMax says:

    I second the "Is this Elephant or is this Cosmo?" comment. I think this is the worst kind of tripe, only tripe is much more satisfying. I think this is actively destructive of the real communication and self-work required of real relationships.

  12. Xerxes says:

    So what women want in a relationship is a meal ticket and everything their way. Got it. And this is a yoga column?

  13. StephanieB says:

    Wow, folks are making some judgy comments on here. As a recovering douchbag attractor, I really liked this article. Far too many women settle for a lame relationship in which they aren't cared for – and I don't mean that the dude has to "provide" monetarily, I'm talking about CARING. If you can't spend $15-20 on a woman you think is really awesome (regardless of if it goes somewhere) then plan a date that doesn't involve too much money – a walk in the park, a tour of your favorite places to view the city with homemade tea in a thermos, an afternoon volunteering at your favorite animal shelter, whatever! Showing that you CARE is what this author is really talking about – kudos to her for putting her words out there.

    • Stephanie Bailey says:

      Thanks StephanieB!.
      That is exactly what I was voicing in my article. I am definitely not a man hater or have any negative feelings towards men. Dating and making someone feel special has nothing to do with money, it's about making an actual effort and showing that you care.
      I Appreciate you reading!!

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