I love watching movies.
Who doesn’t? You can get swept away and almost forget that you are separate from the hero or heroine in the flick.
You can get stressed out, scared, fall in love, laugh and cry—and then suddenly the movie ends and you realize that you have a separate identity.
Our lives are a similar experience—we can get so wrapped up in the physical, emotional or mental occurrences that we forget who we really are.
As a yoga teacher, muse, mother and yoga therapist, helping people remember who they are is part of my responsibility. To help them remember that they are more than their cancer, more than their fear or more than their stressful jobs.
My students are also great reminders to me. However, although I live a fairly balanced life, I can get caught up in the movie too sometimes.
My emotions have dominated me over the past several weeks. I actually considered seeking out therapy again or searching for a good Vedic astrologer that could tell me what is happening with the alignment of the universe, because than I would know that this instability wasn’t my fault or misperception.
Thankfully, those extremes were not needed. In the end, patience, practice and persistence helped.
Last night as I lay in bed, I felt like I had just landed home from the emotional roller coaster I had been on over the past few weeks. Even though I didn’t react to the emotions or create too many crazy stories (no more than usual anyways), I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed for how I was feeling… I even caught myself saying “I am just beside myself” a few days ago.
These words are a clear warning signal that we are feeling split and no are longer integrated or balanced.
As I lay there appreciating myself, I turned to my husband and asked, “Can you think of a time when you drank too much and did and said things that the next day you were so embarrassed about that you wanted to just crawl under the covers and never come out?”(I know we have all been there!)
Or worse yet a one night stand like a scene from a bad movie that you didn’t realize you were co-starring in.
I started wondering if that is what it is going to be like when we die. I can’t help but think that when I leave this body, no matter how much good I do, when I awaken to whatever comes next, I am going to want to shrink down and crawl under the covers or ask if I can try again.
I decided to sit down and make a list of what is important to me and then another list of what I spend my time doing.
Big surprise but these really don’t line up.
After all, how important is Facebook or having 20000 hours of teacher training or finding the perfect Ayurvedic vegan mineral makeup?
I am hungry for my spiritual self as I know many people are. I want to dig a deeper and deeper well to my soul that connects to your soul, and continue to help others do the same.
I can only hope that my dancing with the divine and grooving with the eternal in this cosmic play doesn’t leave me drunk on kundalini and waking up on the other side trying to sneak out before He wakes up.
If this moment is my one night stand with consciousness, I want to be as full, present, authentic and integrated as I can, so in the dawn of what’s next I have no regrets.
Dani McGuire is a yoga teacher, business owner, yoga therapist, and asana addict that loves Love, Life, Family, Food, God, and, of course, Yoga. “Since I am unable to quiet the mental chatter and control thirst for earthly pleasures I live, write, and laugh and my human-ness.” Dani leads yoga workshops and teacher trainings, and takes her yoga off the mat through Pranayoga Foundation, a nonprofit teaching yoga to people with cancer and chronic illness. For more about Dani check out her personal website or PranaYoga.
Editor: Lara C.
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July’s Full Moon in Capricorn: The Heart wants what it Wants. The 4 Stages of a Good Divorce. How to Love a Woman who Scares You. Our Soulmates are Rarely Who We Expect. I Still Think of You. Men, Let’s Stop Fooling Ourselves: Size Matters. To the One Who Tried to Break Me. An Open Letter to the Fixers. How your Stored Memories in the Amygdala can lead to PTSD. How My Sister’s Death Transformed my Self-Perception.