The moment I stopped trying to find this cosmic awareness was the day it found me.
The other day I was practicing an asana that I just couldn’t wrap my head around, so I went to the resource I always use to shed some light: Light on Yoga by B.K.S. Iyengar. And voila! The page I opened was exactly the asana I was practicing! It never fails to surprise and delight me when these amazing coincidences happen, as if somehow something divine had shone on my present moment to inspire the next. I carried on practicing with this touch of inspiration, not so much for the asana anymore, but more touched by this flow.
This incident reminded me that there comes a moment on one’s path when one is confronted with an idea of absolute expansion, Nirvana or Samadhi, from the human perspective, that these ideas are out there and we are here. As my path continuously seems to throw more and more coincidences, and raises a never-ending flow of answers and questions, I seem to be drawn closer to the wonder of these states of being.
Satprem, who studied with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, states that the divine light comes in varying degrees; not so much as a never-ending sea of enlightenement but as varying degrees of consciousness, or higher reasons of understanding. Humans like to fit things into our own forms of understanding, somehow negating others. However, it seems as though these realms of understanding are received according to what gives one joy:
“…[T]he mystic receives joy, the mathematician mathematical joy, and the painter receives colored revelations—all spiritual joys…Therefore, not to pursue personal forms but only a higher and higher truth, and letting It manifest under any form It chooses, will help us avoid error and superstition.” ~ Satprem
One morning, I was on the floor doing my morning meditation, floating somewhere between mind and body. My mind was chatting, my body was quiet, but my spirit was yearning for some higher experience. Then finally I let go, surrendering this yearning, and then it came, a moment of light, moving like subtle waves. They came with feelings. I felt these waves through my body. My breath all of sudden became circular, the lights moved very slowly, but they moved like waves. It was subtle, lovely and an absolute true experience.
Not a few moments later, I left my meditation to move onto breakfast and felt compelled to watch the end of a video I had been watching a few days before, where Daniel Odier spoke of divine union, the Spanda (divine, inner resonance, wave like vibrations) and the eternal cosmic wave:
“We can only touch spontaneity when we let go of dogma, old beliefs, old certitude’s, because these things are what prevents the body to move freely… then the body finds space to express completely. For the tantric’s it is not to find belief’s or to compare beliefs but to destroy beliefs… To expand completely… To be apart of the wave, everything is a wave, starting at the cellular level to the cosmic level… To breath completely, to unfold in all directions” ~ Daniel Odier.
It was as if my life and my meditation had become one—a divine union—and when I read a little further, came this: Abhinavagupta, the great 10th Century tantric philosopher from Kashmir said, “Tell me, what is the absolute nature of reality which allows no room for doubt? Listen carefully! Stop holding on to this or that, inhabit your true absolute nature, and peacefully enjoy the essence of what it is to be alive!”
Had I just stumbled into a large cosmic answer for myself? Has the inner universe struggle surfaced finally to touch the outer consciousness? Has it always? I am left with no doubt today. For a moment life seems to be less of a mystery and more of an unfolding of absolutely astonishing, undeniable, true experiences. And it felt like a wave.
Amanda Ramcharitar is a yogini, animal lover and environmentalist, as well as an artist, writer, ponderer and wanderer. She seeks to experience life through the expansive awareness of possibility and hope. Follow Amanda on Twitter or Facebook.
Editor: Alexandra Grace
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