A mermaid found a swimming lad,
Picked him for her own,
Pressed her body to his body,
and plunging down
Forgot in cruel happiness
That even lovers drown.
~ William Butler Yeats
Like the mermaid, I have plunged down, into the warm, heady realm of not thinking clearly.
I recognize it because I’ve seen it before…felt it, before. All the signs are there—but this time is different.
This time, I am not afraid; I know, really and truly, as I’ve never known before, that nothing matters…I am not pessimistically saying nothing matters as if nothing matters.
Everything matters. And in that way, I know nothing matters. Not to be listed here…for various reasons and through various means, I died.
Maybe not completely—but enough to know that none of it matters.
Die while you’re alive and be absolutely dead. Then do whatever you want: it’s all good.
And so, I am safe to live and to love.
I am in love; I want everything from him…and I want nothing from him.
In the end, everyone is aware of this: nobody keeps any of what he has and life is only a borrowing of bones.
~ Pablo Neruda
I met someone and with our borrowed bones we danced, we talked, we kissed, we made love and now, I am that girl who can’t get that boy off of her mind.
Not to be listed here…there are some hurdles stacked against us.
But my stubborn mind has blocked out statistics and logistics and my heart chakra is clearly in control and if this turns out to be a folly, then I joyfully accept my status as joker.
Silly girl…naive…because...because I can do whatever I want.
I’m no longer concerned with things sounding right, making sense or adding up: it’s just love.
A concrete balance to the abstract that is absolutely me.
Or shall I say, it.
Meditate, meditate, meditate…and then go do whatever you want.
~ Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
For the first time in my life, in the face of love, I am not afraid.
I willingly accept the future, whatever story is written; however the song refrains or ends, drowning in my acceptance of life, as it happens, enjoying the cruel happiness.
My name is Natalie Baginski. I currently study Vedic Science at Maharishi University of Management, where I’m attempting to understand the original Yogic/Vedic texts and learn Sanskrit. In my spare time I read to myself, cook for myself, sing to myself and sew inspiring banners about enjoying the passage of time. They are strategically placed about my house. I share my life with a sixty-pound Australian Shepherd-Catahoula mix. In my former life (I just started a new one), I was a Montessori Primary teacher, Peace Corpse volunteer, archaeologist, health food store girl, uncertified yin yoga teacher, antique peddler and once, I was even someone’s wife. Through meditation, literature, music, dance, cooking, art and loving my dog, I am slowly learning how to die while I’m still alive (yogically speaking)…so there’s even more enjoyment in the passage of time.
Editor: Bryonie Wise
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